Seinfeld Quote of the Day

Saturday, October 24, 2020

Quote from George in The Strike

George: Hey, check this out. I gotta give out Christmas presents to everyone down at Kruger, so I'm pulling a Whatley. [hands a Christmas card to Jerry]
Jerry: "A donation has been made in your name to the Human Fund." What is that?
George: Made it up.
Jerry: "The Human Fund. Money for people."
George: What do you think?
Jerry: It has a certain understated stupidity.
George: The Outlaw Josey Whales!

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Recent Quotes

Friday, October 23, 2020

Quote from Estelle Costanza in The Cigar Store Indian

Estelle Costanza: Where am I going to sleep?
George: What are you talking about?
Estelle Costanza: I can't sleep in there!
George: Of course you can.
Estelle Costanza: I can't! [screams] I can't!

Thursday, October 22, 2020

Quote from Jerry in The Cheever Letters

[stand-up:]
Jerry: I don't think people think of their office as a workplace. I think people think of it as a stationery store with Danish. You know what I mean? You wanna get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home. Why do people who work in offices have pictures of their family on their desk facing them? Do they forget that they're married? Do they go, "All right, 5:00. Time to hit the bars and pick up some hookers. Hold it a second, I got a wife and three kids. I better get home. I completely forgot."

Wednesday, October 21, 2020

Quote from Jackie Chiles in The Caddy

Jackie Chiles: Your honor, we request at this time, that Miss Mishke try on the bra.
Judge: This court will come to order. Go ahead, Miss Mishke, try it on.
[Sue Ellen attempts to put the bra on over her top, but it's too small]
Sue Ellen: It doesn't fit. I can't put it on.
Jackie Chiles: [to Kramer and Stan] Damn fools! Look at that! We got nothing now! Nothing! I've been practicing law for 25 years, you're listening to a caddy! This is a public humiliation! You can't let the defendant
have control of the key piece of evidence. Plus, she's trying it on over a leotard. Of course a bra's not gonna fit on over a leotard. A bra gotta fit right up a person's skin. Like a glove!

Tuesday, October 20, 2020

Quote from Jerry in The Junior Mint

[stand-up:]
Jerry: You can't just have an adultery, you commit adultery. And you can't even commit adultery unless you already have a commitment. So you have to make the commitment before you can even think about committing it. There's no commit without the commit. Then, once you commit, then you can commit the adultery and then you get caught, get divorced, lose your mind and they have you committed. But, you know, some people actually cheat on the people that they're cheating with. Which is like, you know, being in a hold up and then turning to the robber next to you and going, "All right, give me everything you have, too".

Monday, October 19, 2020

Quote from George in The Label Maker

Bonnie: Well, here we are. This is the place.
George: Wow.
Bonnie: Do you like it?
George: I love it! This is fantastic! Look at this couch, is this velvet?!
Bonnie: Are you a velvet fan?
George: A fan? I would drape myself in velvet if it were socially acceptable. And look at this, hardwood floors!

Sunday, October 18, 2020

Quote from Jerry in The Puffy Shirt

[stand-up:]
Jerry: Why do we always have to say, "Excuse me", when we can't hear what someone's saying? Why are we so guilty and so apologetic? "Excuse me. Pardon me. I'm sorry." Why can't, just once, I go: "Nope. Not loud enough"? Why can't I do that? Just once I would like to have the guts... You know, to make that judgment. Someone mumbles something, and you go, "Your fault. I'm not sorry, because it's your fault."

Upcoming Quotes

Sunday, October 25, 2020

A quote from Jerry in the episode The Jimmy.

Monday, October 26, 2020

A quote from George in the episode The Diplomat's Club.

Tuesday, October 27, 2020

A quote from George in the episode The Pitch/The Ticket.

Wednesday, October 28, 2020

A quote from Frank Costanza in the episode The Shower Head.

Thursday, October 29, 2020

A quote from Jerry in the episode The Pitch/The Ticket.