Seinfeld Quote of the Day
Thursday, May 13, 2021
George: All right, Dad, we're five blocks from the house. Sit sideways.
Frank Costanza: Like an animal. Because of her, I have to sit here like an animal! Serenity now! Serenity now!
George: What is that?
Frank Costanza: Doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure gets too high, the man on the tape tells me to say, "Serenity now!"
George: Are you supposed to yell it?
Frank Costanza: The man on the tape wasn't specific.
George: What happened to the screen door? It blew off again?
Estelle Costanza: I told you to fix that thing.
Frank Costanza: Serenity now!
Wednesday, May 12, 2021
George: So it's just mono.
Elaine: Mono? Huh, well, if anyone needs any medical advise, Laney met a doctor. And he's unattached.
Jerry: I thought the whole dream of dating a doctor was debunked.
Elaine: No, it's not debunked. It's totally bunk.
Jerry: Isn't bunk bad? Like, "That's a lot of bunk".
George: No, something is bunk and then you debunk it.
George: I think.
Elaine: Look it, I'm dating a doctor and I like it. Let's just move on.
Tuesday, May 11, 2021
George: You don't speak any English?
Housekeeper: No English.
George: I would like to dip my bald head in oil and rub it all over your body. [she has no reaction] You don't understand! It's a miracle! You don't understand because you don't speak English!
Monday, May 10, 2021
Elaine: He has this power over me, okay? He has this way of manipulating every little word I say. He's like a Svenjolly.
Elaine: What did I say?
Elaine: Svenjolly? I did not say Svenjolly.
Elaine: I don't see how I could have said Svenjolly.
Jerry: So maybe he's got like a cheerful mental hold on you.
Sunday, May 9, 2021
Helen Seinfeld: [on the phone] Jerry.
Jerry: Ma, it's not true.
Morty Seinfeld: It was those damn culottes you made him wear when he was 5.
Helen Seinfeld: They weren't culottes. They were shorts.
Morty Seinfeld: They were culottes! You bought them in the girls' department.
Helen Seinfeld: By mistake. By mistake, Jerry. I'm sorry.
Morty Seinfeld: It looked like he was wearing a skirt, for crying out loud.
Jerry: It has nothing to do with the culottes.
Helen Seinfeld: Not that there's anything wrong with that, Jerry.
Saturday, May 8, 2021
Kramer: I got pool problems Jerry.
Jerry: What happened?
Kramer: Well, I had been swimming for three hours and I was in a real groove so I decided to keep going. But at ten, they start the aquacise. 35 geriatrics throwing elbows. It was like I was swimming through a flabby-armed spanking machine.
Jerry: Well, how long did that last?
Kramer: A half hour then diving class started. Well, that got a little messy. I gotta find a new place to swim, 'cause that pool can't hold me, Jerry.
Friday, May 7, 2021
Vanessa: What are you doing here?
Jerry: Oh, we're meeting a friend of ours for lunch. He works here in the building.
George: Yeah, Art Vandelay.
Vanessa: Really? Which company?
Jerry: I don't know.
George: I don't really know.
Jerry: He's an importer.
George: And exporter.
Jerry: He's an importer/exporter.
Friday, May 14, 2021
Saturday, May 15, 2021
Sunday, May 16, 2021
Monday, May 17, 2021
Tuesday, May 18, 2021