Seinfeld Quote of the Day

Thursday, March 23, 2023

Quote from J. Peterman in The Susie

J. Peterman: Elaine, guess what. I've decided to form a charitable foundation in Susie's honor, and as Susie's best friend, I want you to be involved.
Elaine: Mr. Peterman, I'm Susie. She's me.
J. Peterman: I feel the same way. And that's why this foundation will meet around your schedule. Nights, weekends, every free moment you have. [exits]
Elaine: [screams to the heavens] Suz!


Recent Quotes

Wednesday, March 22, 2023

Quote from George in The Switch

George: Well, I heard a noise.
Jerry: What noise?
George: You know, blargh!
Jerry: What blargh?
George: From the bathroom.
Jerry: Oh, you think she was, uh, refunding?
George: Every time we go out to eat, the minute we we're done eating, she's running to the bathroom.
Elaine: So you're concerned.
George: Elaine, of course I'm concerned. I'm payin' for those meals. It's like throwing money down the toilet.
Jerry: In a manner of speaking.
George: Let me digest it. Let me get my money's worth. You know, what would be good is if there was someone else in the bathroom that could tell me.

Tuesday, March 21, 2023

Quote from George in The Race

Jerry: You really used to have a thick, full head of hair.
George: Yeah, yeah. Well, I guess I started losing it when I was about twenty-eight. Right around the time I made my first million. You know, it's true what they say. The first million is the hardest one.
Lois: What do you do?
George: I'm an architect.
Lois: Have you designed any buildings in New York?
George: Have you seen the new addition to the Guggenheim?
Lois: You did that?
George: Yep. And it didn't take very long either.

Monday, March 20, 2023

Quote from Kramer in The Bizarro Jerry

Kramer: Wow, man. What a day. Could I use a drink!
Jerry: Tough day at the office?
Kramer: People kept coming in, and that phone just wouldn't stop.
Jerry: We better get going if we're gonna go to that 7:00 Hall of Fusion.
Kramer: Yeah, well, count me out. I'm swimming in it. Old man Leland is busting my hump over these reports. If I don't get them done by 9, I'm toast. [drinks scotch, gags] All right, I have to go. Oh, and listen, could you keep it down to a low roar? Some of us have to work in the morning. Thanks.

Sunday, March 19, 2023

Quote from Newman in The Millenium

Kramer: You knew I was having a millennium party, but you just had to throw yours on the same day!
Newman: I have done nothing unethical.
Kramer: Yeah, well you're gonna have to cancel it, because I've told everybody about my party.
Newman: Cancel?! Think again, long shanks! I started planning this in 1978. I put a deposit down on that revolving restaurant that overlooks Times Square and I booked Christopher Cross.

Saturday, March 18, 2023

Quote from Kramer in The Strongbox

Kramer: Now, I gotta find a good place to hide this key. Because if somebody finds this, they hold the key to all my possessions.
Elaine: Literally.
Kramer: 'Literally'? What's that supposed to mean?

Friday, March 17, 2023

Quote from Kramer in The Wizard

Jerry: How much are they paying you?
Kramer: Let's just say I don't have to worry about working for a while. A long while.
Jerry: That's funny, because I haven't seen you working... for a while. A long while.
Kramer: And you're not going to, because I'm hanging it up. Boys, I'm retiring.
Jerry: From what?
Kramer: From the grind. I mean, who needs it? You know, I've accomplished everything I've set out to do.
Jerry: What's that?
Kramer: Oh, bought myself a little retirement gift. A gold watch. [Jerry and George "ooh"] It's not really gold. [Jerry and George "ah"]

Upcoming Quotes

Friday, March 24, 2023

A quote from Elaine in the episode The Big Salad.

Saturday, March 25, 2023

A quote from Morty Seinfeld in the episode The English Patient.

Sunday, March 26, 2023

A quote from Jerry in the episode The Alternate Side.

Monday, March 27, 2023

A quote from George in the episode The Finale.

Tuesday, March 28, 2023

A quote from Jerry in the episode The Visa.