Seinfeld Quote of the Day

Sunday, July 3, 2022

Quote from Jerry in The Pilot

[stand-up:]
Jerry: To me, the whole concept of fear of success is proof that we are definitely scraping the bottom of the fear barrel. Are we gonna have to have AA-type meetings for these people? They'll go: "Hi, my name is Bill, and the one thing I'm worried about is having a stereo and a cream-colored couch." According to most studies, people's number-one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two! Now, this means to the average person, if you have to go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.

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Recent Quotes

Saturday, July 2, 2022

Quote from Jackie Chiles in The Friars Club

Connie: [on phone] You gotta meet me at the police station. They're arresting me for attempted murder.
Jackie Chiles: Attempted murder? Of whom?
Connie: This guy, Kramer.
Jackie Chiles: Oh. Cosmo Kramer?
Connie: Yeah, that's right.
Jackie Chiles: I don't want nothing to do with it. [hangs up]

Friday, July 1, 2022

Quote from Elaine in The Good Samaritan

Elaine: What does it mean anyway? "God bless you". It's a stupid 'stuperstition'.
Jerry: A stupid what?
Elaine: Whatever.

Thursday, June 30, 2022

Quote from Jerry in The Visa

Jerry: Babu, I'm gonna fix everything! I have a lawyer who knows someone in the Immigration Department, they're gonna straighten the whole thing out. The wheels are in motion. Things are happening even as we speak!
Babu: The wheels are in motion?
Jerry: The wheels are in motion. Things are happening!

Wednesday, June 29, 2022

Quote from Jerry in The Alternate Side

[stand-up:]
Jerry: I think the best part of a relationship is when you're sick. And the best part of being sick is when you're in a relationship. And if I was to get married, you know all those vows: for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, all I need is the sickness. That, to me, is the most important one. Do you take this man in sickness? That's the only time I need somebody there. Rest of the time, go out, have a ball, do whatever you want, but if I get the sniffles, you better be there.

Tuesday, June 28, 2022

Quote from Jerry in The Label Maker

Jerry: Or maybe he liked your gift so much, he decided to get me the same thing. Perhaps it's an homage.
Elaine: Yeah, perhaps.
Jerry: Well, how did he react when you gave it to him?
Elaine: Um, he said, "Oh, a label maker. How about that?"
Jerry: He repeated the name of the gift?
Elaine: Yeah, so?
Jerry: Oh, well, if you repeat the name of the gift, you can't possibly like it.
Elaine: What do you mean?
Jerry: Oh, you know, like when someone opens something up and they go, "Oh. Tube socks."

Monday, June 27, 2022

Quote from Jerry in The Wizard

George: What's that?
Jerry: It's a Wizard electronic organizer for my dad. I'm going to Florida for his birthday.
George: How much was it?
Jerry: Two hundred, but I'll tell him it was 50. He doesn't care for the gift, he gets excited about the deal.
George: Where are you getting a Wizard for $50?
Jerry: Eh, I'll tell him I got it on the street and maybe it's hot. That's his favorite.

Upcoming Quotes

Monday, July 4, 2022

A quote from Jerry in the episode The Susie.

Tuesday, July 5, 2022

A quote from Jerry in the episode The Wig Master.

Wednesday, July 6, 2022

A quote from George in the episode The Finale.

Thursday, July 7, 2022

A quote from Jerry in the episode The Yada Yada.

Friday, July 8, 2022

A quote from Elaine in the episode The Face Painter.