Seinfeld Quote of the Day

Thursday, December 9, 2021

Quote from Jerry in The Revenge

Jerry: This stuff on top is my friend's. Could I get it done in a separate machine?
Vic: I'll have to charge you for another machine.
Jerry: Whatever it costs. In fact, I would prefer it if the machines are not even touching each other. Because something could, you know, jump across.

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Recent Quotes

Wednesday, December 8, 2021

Quote from Jerry in The Letter

[stand-up:]
Jerry: Do you think that the security guards in the art museums really ever stop anybody from taking the paintings? I mean, are they going up to people going, "Hey, where do you think you're going with that? Hey, come over here. Come over here. Give me that Cezanne." I mean, look at the job that this man is hired to do. He's getting five dollars an hour to protect millions of dollars of priceless art with what? He's got a light mocha brown uniform and a USA Today. This is what he's got. I mean, crooks must look at this guy and think, "Well, all we've got to do is get past the folding chair and the thermos of coffee, and we can get a Rembrandt."

Tuesday, December 7, 2021

Quote from Jackie Chiles in The Finale

Jackie Chiles: Is everybody ready? Didn't I tell you I wanted you to wear the cardigan?
George: It makes me look older.
Jackie Chiles: Look older? Do you think this is a game? Is that what you think this is? I'm trying to give you a moral compass. You have no moral compass. You're going to walk into that courtroom, and the jury's going to see a mean, nasty, evil George Costanza. I want them to see Perry Como. No one's going to convict Perry Como. Perry Como helps out a fat tub who's getting robbed.

Monday, December 6, 2021

Quote from George in The Big Salad

George: Well, well, well. I'm not treating you to lunch anymore! You had to tell Julie that I made a special point of telling you that I bought you the big salad, didn't you?
Elaine: Oh.
George: You know, if it was a regular salad I wouldn't have said anything. But you had to have the big salad!

Sunday, December 5, 2021

Quote from Newman in The Soul Mate

Pam: Oh, hi! Kramer.
Newman: [whispers to Kramer] Hi. How are you?
Kramer: Hi. How are you?
Pam: I'm great.
Newman: I too am well.
Kramer: I too am well.
Newman: Do I smell Pantene?
Kramer: Do I smell?
Newman: Pantene!
Kramer: Uh, Pantene.
Pam: Oh, my shampoo. Yeah, it is Pantene, I got a free sample in with my junk mail.
Kramer: Well, there really is no junk-mail. Well, everybody wants to get a check or a birthday card, but...
Newman: It requires just as much man-power to deliver it as their precious little greeting cards.

Saturday, December 4, 2021

Quote from George in The Fix-Up

George: What kind of hair?
Jerry: You know, long dark hair.
George: Flowing?
Jerry: Flowing?
George: Is it flowing? I like flowing, cascading hair. Thick lustrous hair is very important to me. [scratches his balding head]
Jerry: "Thick lustrous hair is very important to me," is that what you said?
George: Yeah, that's right.
Jerry: Just clarifying.

Friday, December 3, 2021

Quote from Jackie Chiles in The Abstinence

Jackie Chiles: Did that cigarette warning label mention anything about damage to your appearance?
Kramer: No, it didn't say anything.
Jackie Chiles: So you're a victim. Now your face is sallow, unattractive, disgusting.
Kramer: So Jackie, do you think we gotta case?
Jackie Chiles: Your face is my case.

Upcoming Quotes

Friday, December 10, 2021

A quote from Jackie Chiles in the episode The Finale.

Saturday, December 11, 2021

A quote from Kramer in the episode The Opposite.

Sunday, December 12, 2021

A quote from Jerry in the episode The Stranded.

Monday, December 13, 2021

A quote from George in the episode The Andrea Doria.

Tuesday, December 14, 2021

A quote from George in the episode The Soul Mate.