Frank Costanza: We'll go out for dinner tonight.
Estelle Costanza: I can't tonight, I'm busy.
Frank Costanza: What do you mean, busy?
Estelle Costanza: I'm having dinner with someone.
Frank Costanza: With whom?
Estelle Costanza: Sid Farkus.
Frank Costanza: Sid Farkus?! You're not having dinner with a bra salesman.
Estelle Costanza: Hey, he only sells them. He doesn't wear them!

Mel Sanger: So anyway, you're his favorite comedian. he laughed so hard the other night we had to give him an extra shot of hemoglobin.
Jerry: Oh, that's nice!
Mel Sanger: Tomorrow is his birthday and it would mean so much to him if you could find it in your heart to pay him a visit and just say hello.
Jerry: Huh. Well, tomorrow, I...
Elaine: Jerry! Of course he'd pay him a visit. You'd be happy to.
Jerry: Yeah, uh, okay. Uh, tomorrow. Uh, where do you live, uh, up town? Upper West Side?
Mel Sanger: Up state.
Jerry: Up state. Hmm.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: So, I fly a lot. I like planes. I was on a plane the other day and I was wondering, are there keys to the plane? Do they need keys to start the plane? Maybe that's what those delays on the ground are sometimes. When you're just sitting there at the gate, maybe the pilot's just up there in the cockpit going... "Oh, I don't believe this. Oh, my God. I did it again." They tell you it's something mechanical, because they don't want to come on the PA system: "Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to be delayed here on the ground for a little while, I uh...Oh God, this is so embarrassing. I- I left the keys to the plane in my apartment." You see the technicians all running underneath the plane; you think they're servicing it, but they're actually looking for the magnet "hide-a-key" under the wing. "Maybe he left it up there somewhere."

Susan Ross: Can we change the subject, please?
George: Why? What's wrong with the subject? This is a bad subject?
Susan Ross: No, fine. If you wanna keep talking about it, we'll talk about it.
George: It's not that I want to keep talking about it? I just think that the subject should resolve itself based on its own momentum.
Susan Ross: Well, I didn't think that it had any momentum.
George: [inner monologue] How am I gonna do this? I'm engaged to this woman? She doesn't even like me. Change the subject? Toilets were the subject. We don't even share the same interests.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: The Christmas tree certainly seems to inspire a love-hate relationship. All that time is spent selecting it and decorating it, and then a week after, it's just thrown somewhere. You see it by the side of the road, it looks like a mob hit. The car slows down, the door opens, and this tree just rolls out. People snap out of that Christmas spirit like it was a drunken stupor. They just wake up one morning and go, "Oh, my God. There's a tree inside the house. Just throw it anywhere."

[stand-up:]
Jerry: We don't understand death. And the proof of this is that we give dead people a pillow. And, uh, I mean, hey, you know. I think if you can't stretch out and get some solid rest at that point, I don't see how bedding accessories really make the difference. I mean, they got the guy in a suit with a pillow. Now, is he going to a meeting, or is he catching forty winks? I mean, let's make up our mind where we think they're going.

George: My mother caught me.
Jerry: "Caught" you? Doing what?
George: You know. [all three are expressionless] I was alone...
Elaine: You mean..?!
George: Uh-huh.
Kramer: She caught you?
Jerry: Where?
George: I stopped by the house to drop the car off, and I went inside for a few minutes. Nobody was there. They're supposed to be working. My mother had a Glamour magazine, I started leafing through it..
Jerry: Glamour?
George: So, one thing lead to another...