Jerry: Oh, God. You're that girl in the coffee shop that was eavesdropping on us. I knew you looked familiar.
George: Oh, no! No!
Sharon: I better get going.
Jerry: There's been a big misunderstanding here. We did that for your benefit. We knew you were eavesdropping. That's why my friend said all that. It was on purpose. We're not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Jerry: So you don't take your coat off, and now everyone at NYU thinks I'm gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
George: Not at all.

Jerry: What have you got there?
Man: The New York Post. They've got an article about you.
Jerry: "Although they maintain separate residence, the comedian and his longtime companion seem to be inseparable." Oh, no. The Associated Press picked up the NYU story. That's gonna be in every paper. I've been outed. I wasn't even in.
George: Now everyone's gonna think we're gay.
Jerry: Not that there's anything wrong with that.
George: No, not at all.

Estelle Costanza: I open up the paper, and this is what I have to read about? I fell right off the toilet. My back went out again. I couldn't move. The super had to come and help me up. I was half-naked.
George: It's not true.
Estelle Costanza: Every day it's something else with you. I don't know anything about you anymore. Who are you? What kind of life are you leading? Who knows what you're doing. Maybe you're making porno films.
George: Yeah. I'm Buck Naked.
Estelle Costanza: You're who? Buck Naked? Jerry, I can see. He's so neat and thin. Not that there's anything wrong with it.
George: Of course not.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: I am getting a little tired of pretending to be excited every time it's somebody's birthday, you know what I mean? What is the big deal? How many times do we have to celebrate that someone was born? Every year, over and over. All you did was not die for twelve months. That's all you've done, as far as I can tell. I love those astrology things where they tell you all the people that have the same birthday as you? It's always an odd group of people too, isn't it? It's like Ed Asner, Elijah Muhammad and Secretariat.

Kramer: [enters] I thought we were friends.
Jerry: Here we go.
Kramer: I mean, how could you two keep this a secret from me?
Jerry: It's not true.
Kramer: Ah, enough lying. The lying is through. Come on, Jerry, the masquerade is over. You're thin, late 30s, single.
Jerry: So are you.
Kramer: Yeah. [is visibly taken aback; exits]

George: [answers Jerry's phone] Hello.
Helen Seinfeld: George?
George: Mrs. Seinfeld?
Helen Seinfeld: Oh, my God.
Jerry: Oh, my God. Ma?
Helen Seinfeld: Jerry?
Jerry: Ma.
George: Oh, my God! My mother! [runs out]

[George and Allison enter Jerry's apartment while he's on the couch with Sharon:]
George: Jerry! Oh, my God! What are you doing?
Jerry: What?
George: You're with a woman!
Jerry: I know. What are you doing here?
George: I leave you alone for two seconds, and this is what you do? I trusted you!

Sharon: This... This is too weird.
George: Wait a minute. You're the girl who wrote the article. Go ahead. Tell her.
Sharon: I'm out of here.
Jerry: It's not true! It's not true! Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Allison: What's going on?
George: All right, I'll tell you the truth. I'm not gay. My name's Buck Naked. I'm a porno actor.
Allison: [turned on] Really?
George: Oh, my God.