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‘The Handicap Spot’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Seinfeld: The Handicap Spot

422. The Handicap Spot

Aired May 13, 1993

Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer cause trouble when they park in a handicapped spot at the mall.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: It's over!
Jerry: What's over?
Kramer: Me and Lola.
George: The woman we bought the wheelchair for?
Kramer: Yeah, she dumped me!
Jerry: She dumped you?
Kramer: She dumped me! She rolled right over me! Said I was a hipster-dufus. Am I a hipster-dufus?
Jerry & George: No.
Kramer: Said I'm not good looking enough for her. Not good looking! Jerry, look at me. Look at my
face, huh, am I beautiful? George, am I beautiful?
George: ... You're very attractive.
Kramer: Yeah. She says she doesn't wanna see me again. Told me to drop dead!

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Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Boy, that's a nice triangle.
Jerry: It's isosceles
Kramer: Ooh, isosceles. I love the name Isosceles. You know, if I had a kid, I would name him Isosceles. Isosceles Kramer.

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: I have a friend who is about to get married, they're having the bachelor party and the bridal shower on the same day. So it's conceivable that while she's getting the lingerie, he'll be at a nude bar watching a table dancer wearing the same outfit. That is possible. But to me, the difference between being single and being married, is the form of government. You see, when you're single, you are the dictator of your own life. I have complete power. When I give the order to fall asleep on the sofa with the TV on in the middle of the day, no-one can overrule me! When you're married, you're part of a vast decision-making body. Before anything gets done there are meetings. Committees have to study the situation. And this is if the marriage works. That's what's so painful about divorce: you've been impeached and you weren't even the president!

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: The Drake is great.
Elaine: Hmm. He's so nice. I'm really happy for them.
Jerry: Yeah. Well, I don't know if I'm happy for them. I mean I'm glad they're happy. But, frankly, that doesn't do anything for me.

Quote from George

Elaine: She gave it to charity.
Jerry: Charity?! That's appalling.
George: How could anybody be so selfish and inconsiderate!

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Well, I gave her the wheelchair! You should have seen the look on her face. And then she told me, that the old wheelchair, that wasn't any good anyway! So you see, George, the whole incident was a God blessing! Yeah!
George: You mean a blessing in disguise?
Kramer: Yeah.

Quote from George

Jerry: Your father got arrested? For what?
George: Parking in a handicap spot. Right in the middle of his United Volunteers meeting. When he got back, he chased after me with a baseball bat.
Jerry: Holy!
George: Well, between the car getting totaled, the towing charge and the fine, there's no way I can ever pay him back.
Jerry: So what are you gonna do?
George: I agreed to become his butler.
Jerry: What?!

Quote from George

George: Hey, is it my imagination, or do really good looking women walk a lot faster than everybody else?
Elaine: We don't walk that fast.
George: No seriously.
Elaine: Seriously, we don't.
George: The better looking they are, the faster they go! I mean, I see them out there on the street, they're zooming around. They're a blur. It's like they have a motor on their ass.

Quote from George

Elaine: Hey, how are we getting to Scott Drake's party on Saturday night?
Jerry: Oh, Drake's party, I forgot to buy a present.
George: I gotta buy a present now?
Elaine: Of course you do. It's an engagement party.
George: It never ends, this present stuff! Engagement present. Then they get married, you gonna have to get them something for that! Then the baby, there's another present. Then the baby starts getting their presents. I don't even like Drake.

Quote from George

Jerry: You don't like the Drake?
George: Hate the Drake.
Elaine: I love the Drake.
Jerry: How could you not like the Drake?
George: Who's the Drake?
Elaine: "Who's the Drake"?
Jerry: The Drake is good!
George: Eh.
Elaine: So listen, what are you gonna get him?
George: I haven't even met the fiancee! Whatever!

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