Helen Seinfeld Quotes Page 1 of 4

Quote from The Finale

Helen Seinfeld: I hope you packed enough. This trial could last for weeks.
Morty Seinfeld: What's all that?
Helen Seinfeld: Cereal.
Morty Seinfeld: You're packing cereal?
Helen Seinfeld: I'm bringing it for Jerry.
Morty Seinfeld: You got enough here for a life sentence.
Helen Seinfeld: He likes it. He says he misses that more that anything.
Morty Seinfeld: So bring a snack-pack.

Rate

Quote from The Cadillac

Helen Seinfeld: Jerry, let's go, it's time to eat. We're going to dinner.
Jerry: Dinner? W- What time is it?
Helen Seinfeld: It's 4:30.
Jerry: 4:30? Who eats dinner at 4:30?
Morty Seinfeld: By the time we sit down, it'll be quarter to five.
Jerry: I don't understand why we have to eat now.
Helen Seinfeld: We gotta catch the early-bird. It's only between 4:30 and 6:00.
Morty Seinfeld: Yeah. They give you a tenderloin, a salad and a baked potato, for $4.95. You know what that cost you after 6?
Jerry: Can't we eat at a decent hour? I'll treat, okay?
Helen Seinfeld: You're not buying us dinner.
Jerry: I'm not force-feeding myself a steak at four-thirty to save a couple of bucks, I'll tell you that!
Helen Seinfeld: All right, we'll wait. But it's unheard of.

Quote from The Outing

Helen Seinfeld: [on the phone] Jerry.
Jerry: Ma, it's not true.
Morty Seinfeld: It was those damn culottes you made him wear when he was 5.
Helen Seinfeld: They weren't culottes. They were shorts.
Morty Seinfeld: They were culottes! You bought them in the girls' department.
Helen Seinfeld: By mistake. By mistake, Jerry. I'm sorry.
Morty Seinfeld: It looked like he was wearing a skirt, for crying out loud.
Jerry: It has nothing to do with the culottes.
Helen Seinfeld: Not that there's anything wrong with that, Jerry.

Quote from The Wallet

Helen Seinfeld: Well, you must have done something.
Jerry: No, he just doesn't like me.
Helen Seinfeld: Doesn't like you? How can anyone not like you?
Jerry: You know, it seems impossible.
Helen Seinfeld: Doesn't like you? How could that be?
Jerry: Ma, I know this may be hard for you to understand but I am sure there are many people who do not like me.
Helen Seinfeld: [gasps] Huh, Jerry, don't say that.
Jerry: It's true.
Helen Seinfeld: No, it's not true. You're a wonderful, wonderful boy. Everybody likes you. It's impossible not to like you. Impossible.
Helen Seinfeld: Morty?
Morty Seinfeld: Maybe some people don't like him. I could see that.

Quote from The Pen

Elaine: Mrs. Seinfeld, please. I am begging you. Put the air conditioner on.
Helen Seinfeld: You're hot?
Elaine: I've lost 6 pounds.
Helen Seinfeld: I don't even know how to work it.
Morty Seinfeld: I keep telling her it's like an oven in here.

Quote from The Pen

Helen Seinfeld: Maybe you shouldn't go tonight.
Elaine: No, no, no. I wanna go.
Helen Seinfeld: But your back hurts.
Morty Seinfeld: Maybe a couple of muscle relaxers would help.
Elaine: Oh, oh, O.K. [Helen wraps herself tight in a sweater] You can turn down the air conditioning if you want.
Helen Seinfeld: No. I'm fine.
Elaine: You're not too cold?
Helen Seinfeld: No.

Quote from The Raincoats

Jerry: So what plans do you have?
Morty Seinfeld: None.
Jerry: So how come you're not going over there for dinner?
Helen Seinfeld: Jerry, we don't care much for the Costanzas.
Morty Seinfeld: We can't stand them.
Jerry: Really? Since when?
Helen Seinfeld: Since always. We've never liked them.
Jerry: Why?
Helen Seinfeld: Well, they're so loud. They're always fighting. It's uncomfortable, you never notice?
Jerry: No, I notice. But they're from your age group. I didn't know you could detect abnormal behavior among your own kind.
Morty Seinfeld: Well, we do.

Quote from The Raincoats

Morty Seinfeld: Boy, that was some show.
Jerry: What show?
Morty Seinfeld: "My Fair Lady".
Jerry: When did you get tickets to see that?
Helen Seinfeld: Aaron surprised us, and Elaine came.
Jerry: Oh, Elaine, really? Well, that sounds interesting.
Morty Seinfeld: We saw Regis Philbin get out of a limousine.
Jerry: Oh.
Helen Seinfeld: He looks better on TV.

Quote from The Shower Head

Helen Seinfeld: Should I use a coffee cup?
Elaine: Yeah, a coffee cup's fine.
Helen Seinfeld: Or maybe a juice glass.
Elaine: Yes, fine, fine, a juice glass is perfect.
Helen Seinfeld: This one is kind of scratched.
Elaine: It doesn't matter.
Helen Seinfeld: How about a milk glass?
Elaine: A milk glass, a juice glass, any glass, just pick a glass.
Helen Seinfeld: Jerry doesn't wash these very well.
Elaine: Mrs. Seinfeld, choose a glass! Pick a glass, Mrs. Seinfeld!

Quote from The Money

Jerry: You sold my Cadillac to Jack Klompus?
Morty Seinfeld: And we want you to have the money.
Jerry: I don't need the money.
Morty Seinfeld: What're you talking about? You had a check bounce at the bodega.
Jerry: Oh, is that what this is all about?! I bounce a check and you sold a Cadillac?!
Helen Seinfeld: Well, also, Jerry, we read an article in the Sun Sentinel. It says stand-up comedy is not what it used to be, what with def jam and all.
Kramer: Yeah, that def jam is a force.

Quote from The Bookstore

Jerry: [on the phone] Mom, I didn't rat out Uncle Leo. I just wanted the guard to scare him straight.
Helen Seinfeld: Jerry, he won't last a day in prison.
Jerry: [scoffs] Prison. I'm sure it's just a fine.
Morty Seinfeld: She's got priors.
Jerry: Prior convictions? Leo?
Helen Seinfeld: It was a crime of passion. Leave it alone.

Quote from The Bookstore

Morty Seinfeld: Besides, it's not stealing if it's something you need.
Jerry: What does that mean?
Helen Seinfeld: Nobody pays for everything.
Jerry: You're stealing too?!
Morty Seinfeld: Nothing. Batteries. Well, they wear out so quick.
Jerry: Mom, you too?
Helen Seinfeld: Sometimes your father forgets, so I have to steal them.

Next Page