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‘The Cigar Store Indian’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Seinfeld: The Cigar Store Indian

510. The Cigar Store Indian

Aired December 9, 1993

Jerry tries to make things up to Elaine by giving her a cigar store Indian, inadvertently offending her friend. George has the run of the house while his parents are away. Meanwhile, Elaine takes a TV Guide from the Costanza's, and Kramer pitches a coffee table book about coffee tables.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Hey, hey, hey, hey. You know what would make a great coffee table book? A coffee table book about coffee tables! Get it?

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Quote from Jerry

Winona: So, where are we gonna go eat?
Jerry: I thought we'd eat at the Gentle Harvest.
Winona: Ooh, I love that place, but it's usually so crowded. Can we get a table?
Jerry: Ah, don't worry. I made reser... [stops himself]
Winona: You made what?
Jerry: I uh, I uh, I arranged for the appropriate accommodation. And then, Knick tickets, floor seats.
Winona: How did you get these?
Jerry: Got 'em on the street, from a scal... [stops himself again] A uh, one of those guys.
Winona: What guys?
Jerry: You know, the guys, that uh, they sell the tickets for the sold-out events.
Winona: Oh.

Quote from Jerry

Winona: Jerry, I really need it back. It, it is mine.
Jerry: You can't give something and then take it back. I mean, what are you... [stops himself]
Winona: What?
Jerry: A uh, a person that uh...
Winona: A person that what?
Jerry: Well, a person that gives something and then they're dissatisfied and they wish they had, had never uh...
Winona: And?
Jerry: ...given it to the person that they originally gave it to.
Winona: You mean like, an Indian giver?!
Jerry: I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with that term.

Quote from Estelle Costanza

Estelle Costanza: Where am I going to sleep?
George: What are you talking about?
Estelle Costanza: I can't sleep in there!
George: Of course you can.
Estelle Costanza: I can't! [screams] I can't!

Quote from Jerry

Winona: I guess I could go for a bite.
Jerry: You like Chinese food? 'cause I once went to a great Szechwan restaurant in this neighborhood. I don't remember the exact address... [sees a mailman] Uh, excuse me, you must know where the Chinese restaurant is around here.
Mailman: Why must I know? Because I'm Chinese? You think I know where all the Chinese restaurants are? [affects stereotypical accent] Oh, ask honorable Chinaman for location of restaurant.
Jerry: I asked because you were the mailman, you would know the neighborhood.
Mailman: Oh, hello, American Joe. Which way to hamburger/hotdog stand? [storms away]
Jerry: I didn't know that...
Winona: You know, it's late. I should probably just go home.
Jerry: I, I had no idea.
[As a cab drives by, Kramer leans out of the window straddling the Indian figure]
Kramer: [yells] Hey, Jerry! Look what I got. [war-whoops]

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: You know, I don't get it. I'm not allowed to ask a Chinese person where the Chinese restaurant is. I mean, aren't we all getting a little too sensitive? I mean, someone asks me which way's Israel, I don't fly off the handle.

Quote from Estelle Costanza

Sylvia: I know this coffee table, it's George Costanza's.
Estelle Costanza: It's mine. I'm his mother.
Sylvia: Oh, I haven't seen George for a while. He must be working very hard.
Estelle Costanza: George doesn't work. He's a bum. That's why he lives at home with us.
Sylvia: He does?

Quote from Frank Costanza

George: So, how was the trip?
Estelle Costanza: Ah, your father...
Frank Costanza: Is there anything wrong with getting a receipt at a toll booth?

Quote from Frank Costanza

Frank Costanza: You were having sex on our bed?!
George: Yes!
Estelle Costanza: Who told you you could have sex in our bed?
George: Well, my bed is too small.
Frank Costanza: Your bed is too small? I'm gone two weeks and you turn our house into... into Bourbon Street!

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Ta-da! [silence] It's a cigar store Indian. [to Elaine] Read the card.
Elaine: [uncomfortable] That's very nice. Thank you very much.
Jerry: Read it out loud.
Elaine: I, I don't think so.
Jerry: We had a little fight this afternoon. "Let's bury the hatchet. We smokeem peace pipe."
Winona: Hey, you know, it's late. I really should go. [exits]
Elaine: I, uh, I don't blame you Winona. I, uh.
[Jerry begins rocking the figure back and forth, while chanting in a stereotypical way]
Elaine: Are you out of your mind?!
Jerry: ...ho-ah. It's, it's, it's kitschy.
Elaine: Winona is a Native American.
Jerry: She is?

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