Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The Mango’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Seinfeld: The Mango

501. The Mango

Aired September 16, 1993

George worries that he isn't satisfying his new girlfriend Karen (guest star Lisa Edelstein). Jerry is shocked to learn that Elaine "faked it" with him. Meanwhile, Kramer gets banned from the fruit store after complaining about a peach.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Well, you know, we had a fight over the peach and... Well, Joe doesn't want my business.
George: Hey, was that a joke about Houdini?
Jerry: No. [to Kramer] I told you not to say anything.
Kramer: Jerry, what am I gonna do for fruit?
Jerry: Well, you'll have to go to the supermarket.
Kramer: The supermarket? That's impossible! They don't have a decent piece of fruit at the supermarket. The apples are mealy. The oranges are dry. I don't know what's going on with the Papayas! Jerry, you gotta go to Joe's, you gotta get me some fruit!

Rate

Quote from George

George: It's all your fault! You and Elaine! All that orgasm talk. She did have an orgasm, she didn't have an orgasm. Orgasm this, orgasm that. I got so focused on it. I started to panic and boom, I lost it. I tried everything, I was talking to him. "Please wake up, do something."
Jerry: They're mysterious little fellows aren't they?
George: I hate 'em!
Jerry: You know, it happens to everybody. It happened to Houdini. And he could get out of a trunk under water with his hands in chains! But he had a problem with that. The miracle is that it ever happens.
George: It's like a magic trick. Sometimes I think it would be easier to bend a spoon mentally than to make that transformation.

Quote from George

George: I don't know. Last time I got the tap.
Jerry: You got the tap?
George: You know, you're going along, you think everything's all right and all of a sudden you get that tap. [George taps his own shoulder]. You know it's like, "[whistles] All right, that's enough. You're through."
Jerry: The tap is tough.
George: It's like the manager coming out and asking you for the ball.
Jerry: Well, maybe she just wanted to move on to other business.
George: No, no, this wasn't moving on. I got the hook. I wish I could get a lesson in that.
Jerry: It's a very complicated area.
George: You can go crazy trying to figure that place out.
Jerry: It's a hazy mystery.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: You know, I faked it.
Jerry: What?!
Kramer: Yeah.
Jerry: You faked it? Why would you do that?
Kramer: Well, you know, if it's enough already and I just wanna get some sleep.
Jerry: Yeah, but why would you...

Quote from Kramer

Joe: So what do you want me to do?
Kramer: I want restitution.
Joe: Restitution? You want restitution? Why should I give you restitution?
Kramer: Because it's no good.
Joe: Look, once I put that fruit out, that's where it ends for me.
Kramer: It's still your fruit. You gotta stand behind your fruit.
Joe: Hey, I stand behind my fruit.
Kramer: So...
Joe: Hey, you got a bad peach? That's an act of God. He makes the peaches. I don't make the peaches, I sell the peaches. You have a problem? You talk to him.
Kramer: You know this whole place is going... downhill. I could have come in here last week with a bad plum but I let it go.
Joe: Well, I got a solution for you. Take your business elsewhere, I don't want your business.
Kramer: Oh, now you don't want my business?
Joe: No, I don't want your business. And from this moment, you're banned from the store. You're banned!
Kramer: But what am I gonna do for fruit?

Quote from Elaine

Jerry: You faked with me?
Elaine: Yes.
Jerry: No.
Elaine: Yes.
Jerry: You faked it?
Elaine: I faked it.
Jerry: That whole thing, the whole production, it was all an act?
Elaine: Not bad, huh?
Jerry: What about the breathing, the panting, the moaning, the screaming?
Elaine: Fake, fake, fake, fake.
Jerry: I'm stunned, I'm shocked! How many times did you do this?
Elaine: Umm... All the time.
Jerry: All the time?!

Quote from Jerry

Kramer: She was probably joking.
Jerry: No, no. It was no joke.
Kramer: She didn't have any?
Jerry: No. None.
Kramer: She faked them all.
Jerry: Faked them all.
Kramer: Well so she faked them, so what?
Jerry: The woman had an orgasm under false pretenses. That's sexual perjury.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: All right, now here's the list.
Jerry: All this? It's too much. What do you need five mangoes for?
Kramer: I like mangoes.
Jerry: Avocado? I don't know how to pick out an avocado.
Kramer: Well, they gotta be soft.
Jerry: How soft?
Kramer: Not too soft. Better too hard than too soft.
Jerry: I'm not going through this every week, I tell you that right now. And what are these? Plums? What is that?
Kramer: Yeah, now get the ones that are red on the inside.
Jerry: Well, how do I know what they look like on the inside? What do they look like on the outside?
Kramer: Oh! And get some plantains.
Jerry: Plantains?
Kramer: Yeah.
Jerry: What the hell is a plantain?
Kramer: It's part of the banana family. It's a delicacy.
Jerry: You're not getting any plantains.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: [spits out peach]
Jerry: Bad peach?
Kramer: It's terrible!
Jerry: Did you get that at Joe's?
Kramer: Yeah, of course I got it at Joe's.
Jerry: That's surprising, his fruit is usually the best.
Kramer: You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna return this.
Jerry: You're returning used fruit?
Kramer: Jerry, this peach is subpar.

Quote from George

George: All right, I gotta get going.
Jerry: What are you doing?
George: I got a date with Karen. I don't know what I'm gonna do. Nothing happening down there.
Jerry: You're thinking about it too much. You're putting too much emphasis on it.
George: I knew this was gonna happen some day. It was inevitable. I've known it ever since I was a little kid. I've been waiting for it.

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode