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‘The Couch’ Quotes

Seinfeld: The Couch

605. The Couch

Aired October 27, 1994

After Jerry buys a new couch, Elaine starts dating a furniture mover. Kramer goes into business with restaurateur Poppie. Meanwhile, George tries to read Breakfast at Tiffany's when his girlfriend joins a book club.

Quote from George

George: Well, anyway, the book club meets tomorrow, Mr. Temple.
Mr. Temple: Well, I was going to watch it with my daughter. She likes Audrey Hepburn very much.
George: She was a delicate flower.
Mr. Temple: Why didn't you just read the book?
George: Well, as I say, the pink-eye made my vision quite blurry.
Mr. Temple: Remy, this is George. Would you mind if he watched Breakfast at Tiffany's with us?

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Quote from Kramer

Kramer: You remember Poppie?
Jerry: Oh, you mean from Poppie's Restaurant?
Kramer: Yeah, yeah. Anyway, uh, we're going into business together. Remember that idea I had a few years ago about the pizza place where you make your own pizza?
Jerry: Yeah.
Elaine: What was that again?
Kramer: It's a pizza place where you make your own pie. We give you the dough, the sauce, the cheese. You pound it, slap it, you flip it up into the air, you put your toppings on and you slide it into the oven! Sounds good, huh?
Elaine: [in a hillbilly accent] Ooh, I can't wait to get me a fella and make mah own pie!

Quote from Jerry

Kramer: Did you offer those guys a drink?
Jerry: Uh, no. Should I have?
Kramer: What kind of a person are you?
Jerry: I don't know.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: So anyway, when they were in my house before, I didn't offer them anything to drink.
Elaine: Well, they're real men, Jerry. They get sweaty.
Jerry: So, anyone sweaty comes into your house has to be offered a drink?
Elaine: Yes.
Jerry: Well, would you apologize for me?

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Well, Kramer told us all about your business venture together.
Poppie: Your friend and I are going to make a lot of money. Of course, I already have a lot of money. Poppie does very well, very well.
Elaine: Well, your mother must be very proud of you.
Poppie: My mother was taken from my house by the Communists in the middle of the night when I was ten years old. She was sent to a slave labor camp, where she labored for twelve years. Finally, they released her and she was on a boat to America to re-unite with us. But she was served some bad fish, and she died on the high seas.
Jerry: So, what's good tonight?

Quote from Elaine

Jerry: Well, perhaps we should inquire. Poppie! Oh, Poppie. Could I have a word?
Poppie: Yes, Jerry. I just checked your duck. It is more succulent than even I had hoped.
Jerry: Poppie, I was just curious. Where do you stand on the abortion issue?
Poppie: When my mother was abducted by the Communists, she was with child...
Jerry: Oh, boy.
Poppie: ...but the Communists, they put an end to that! So, on this issue, there is no debate! And no intelligent person can think differently.
Elaine: Well, Poppie, I think differently.
Poppie: And what gives you the right to do that?
Elaine: The Supreme Court gives me the right to do that! Let's go, Jerry. Come on.

Quote from George

Jerry: So, what's it about?
George: Well, it's about Holly Go-Lightly.
Jerry: Holly Go-Lightly.
George: Yeah, she's quite a character.
Jerry: Yes. You haven't read a page, have you?
George: No.
Jerry: Big surprise.
George: I couldn't. You know, if it's not about sports, I find it very hard to concentrate.
Jerry: You're not very bright, are you?
George: No, I'm not. I would like to be, but I'm not.

Quote from Jerry

Kramer: Are you sure?
Jerry: Well, what is it then?! My new sofa! Poppie peed on my new sofa!
Kramer: I'm sure it'll come out.
Jerry: I don't care if it comes out. I can't sit on that anymore!
Kramer: Ah, you're making too much of it.
Jerry: Yeah, you're right. It's just a natural human function. Happens to be on my sofa, instead of in the toilet, where it would normally be.
Kramer: Right.

Quote from George

George: So, anything to uh, nosh?
Mr. Temple: What did you want?
George: Popcorn?
Remy: Popcorn? Where do you think you are?
George: Well, a lot of people keep popcorn in the house.
Remy: Well, we don't.
George: You might want to try it. Makes the movie more enjoyable, that's all.
Mr. Temple: Here's some nuts.
George: Oh, nuts, excellent! You know what I love? How there's two nuts named after people. Hazel and Filbert.
Remy: Can we watch the movie now, Daddy?
George: Hey, let's turn off the lights, get some real movie atmosphere.
Mr. Temple: The lights are fine.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: All right, put a little sauce on here. Some cheese.
Poppie: Not too much!
Kramer: And cucumbers!
Poppie: Wait a second. What is that?
Kramer: It's cucumbers.
Poppie: No, no. You can't put cucumbers on a pizza.
Kramer: Well, why not? I like cucumbers.
Poppie: That's not a pizza. It'll taste terrible.
Kramer: But that's the idea, you make your own pie.
Poppie: Yes, but we cannot give the people the right to choose any topping they want! Now, on this issue, there can be no debate!
Kramer: What gives you the right to tell me how I would make my pie?
Poppie: Because it's a pizza!
Kramer: It's not a pizza until it comes out of the oven!
Poppie: It's a pizza the moment you put your fists in the dough!
Kramer: No, it isn't!
Poppie: Yes, it is!

Quote from George

Lindsay: She didn't want the constraints of any relationship. That's why she got rid of the cat. The most important thing in Holly's life was her independence.
George: Well, not really. After all, she did get together with George Peppard. I mean, Fred.
Lindsay: George, Fred's gay.


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