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‘The Pony Remark’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Seinfeld: The Pony Remark

202. The Pony Remark

Aired January 30, 1991

Jerry feels responsible for his aunt's untimely death.

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: What is this about?
Kramer: I'm completely changing the configuration of the apartment. You're not gonna believe it when you see it. A whole new lifestyle.
Jerry: What are you doing?
Kramer: Levels.
Jerry: Levels?
Kramer: Yeah, I'm getting rid of all my furniture. All of it. And I'm going to build these different levels. You know, with steps. And it'll all be carpeted with a lot of pillows. You know, like ancient Egypt.

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Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: My parents live in Florida now. They moved there last year. They didn't want to move to Florida, but they're in their sixties, and that's the law. You know how it works. They got the leisure police. They pull up in front of the old people's house with a golf cart, jump out, "Let's go, Pop. White belt, white pants, white shoes, get in the back. Drop the snow shovel right there, drop it!" I am not much for the family gathering. You ever sit there, and the conversation's so boring. It's so dull. And you start to fantasize. You know, you think, "What if I just got up and jumped out that window? What would it be like?" Just crashed right through the glass.. You know. Come back in, there's broken glass, everybody's all upset. "No, I'm all right. I was just a little bored, there. No, I'm fine. I came back. I wanted to hear a little about that Hummel collection, Aunt Rose. Let's pick it up right there."

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: We don't understand death. And the proof of this is that we give dead people a pillow. And, uh, I mean, hey, you know. I think if you can't stretch out and get some solid rest at that point, I don't see how bedding accessories really make the difference. I mean, they got the guy in a suit with a pillow. Now, is he going to a meeting, or is he catching forty winks? I mean, let's make up our mind where we think they're going.

Quote from George

George: You know, I've been thinking. I cannot envision any circumstances in which I'll ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How's it gonna happen? [flicks sugar packet] I just don't see how it could occur.

Quote from George

George: They always make me take stock of my life and how I've pretty much wasted all of it, and how I plan to continue wasting it.

Quote from Morty Seinfeld

Man: I'm not a doctor yet, Uncle Morty. I'm just an intern. I can't write a note to an airline.
Morty Seinfeld: You've got your degree. They don't care. They just want to see something.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: If I wind up sitting next to Uncle Leo, I am leaving. He's always grabbing my arm when he talks to me. I guess it's because so many people have left in the middle of his conversation.
Morty Seinfeld: And it's always about Jeffrey, right?
Jerry: Yeah, he talks about him like he split the atom. The kid works for the Parks Department.

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: You drew up plans for this?
Kramer: No, no. It's all in my head.
Morty Seinfeld: I don't know how you're going to be comfortable like that.
Kramer: Oh, I'll be comfortable.
Jerry: When do you intend to do this?
Kramer: Oh... Should be done by the end of the month.
Jerry: You're doing this yourself?
Kramer: It's a simple job. Why, you don't think I can?
Jerry: Oh, no. It's not that I don't think you can. I know that you can't, and I'm positive that you won't.
Kramer: Well, I got the tools. I got the pillows. All I need is the lumber.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: I didn't know she had a pony. How was I to know she had a pony? Who figures an immigrant's going to have a pony? Do you know what the odds are on that? I mean, in all the pictures I saw of immigrants on boats coming into New York harbor, I never saw one of them sitting on a pony. Why would anybody come here if they had a pony? Who leaves a country packed with ponies to come to a non-pony country? It doesn't make sense! Am I wrong?

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: So, when do I get my dinner?
Kramer: There's no dinner. The bet's off. I'm not gonna do it.
Jerry: Yes, I know you're not gonna do it. That's why I bet.
Kramer: There's not bet if I'm not doing it.
Jerry: That's the bet! That you're not doing it!
Kramer: Yeah, well, I could do it. I don't want to do it.
Jerry: We didn't bet on if you wanted to do it. We bet on if it would be done.
Kramer: And it could be done.
Jerry: Well, of course it could be done! Anything could be done! But it only is done if it's done. Show me the levels! The bet is the levels.
Kramer: But I don't want the levels!
Jerry: That's the bet!

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