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‘The Little Jerry’ Quotes

Seinfeld: The Little Jerry

811. The Little Jerry

Aired January 9, 1997

Kramer and Jerry get involved in cockfighting. George starts dating a convict. Meanwhile, Elaine's boyfriend is going bald.

Quote from George

Elaine: Here. Take a look at that.
Jerry: Huh. Kurt's an organ donor.
Elaine: No, he's not bald. Look. He's got a full head of hair.
Jerry: So he just shaves his head for no reason?
George: That's like using a wheelchair for the fun of it!

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Quote from Kramer

Jerry: Is that your "chicken" making all that noise?
Kramer: Oh, Jerry loves the morning.
Jerry: Who?
Kramer: Little Jerry Seinfeld. I named my chicken after you.
Jerry: Thanks. That's very sweet. But that is not a chicken.
Kramer: Of course it is. I picked it out myself.
Jerry: Well, you picked out a rooster.
Kramer: Well, that would explain Little Jerry's poor egg production.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: So, I noticed you bounced a check at the bodega.
Jerry: How did you know about that?
Kramer: Because Marcelino, he taped it up on his cash register with all the other bad checks.
Jerry: He can't do that.
Kramer: It's the only way you'll learn. [eats] Oh, these eggs are disgusting. Boy, this chicken should be ashamed of himself.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: So what happened to you yesterday? We were supposed to go to the auto show, I waited for you, you never came.
Elaine: I'm sorry, I got really busy. How long did you wait?
Jerry: Five minutes.
Elaine: Five minutes? That's it?
Jerry: What's the difference? You never showed up.
Elaine: Well, I could have. I mean, last week we waited for that friend of Kramer's for, like, forty minutes.
Jerry: Well, we barely knew the guy.
Elaine: So, the longer you know someone, the shorter you wait for them?
Jerry: That's the way it works.
Elaine: When did you tell George to be here?
Jerry: I told him to meet us here in ten minutes. How long has it been?
Elaine: About five.
Jerry: That's enough.
[As Jerry and Elaine walk away, George walks around the corner]
George: Early. All right. [shivers] Cold.

Quote from Kramer

Elaine: Hey. Look who's here. Hey, Kurt, this is Jerry, and George, and Kramer.
Kramer: Hey, Kurt. Taste these eggs.
Kurt: Uh, no. I only eat cage-free, farm-fresh.
Kramer: Yes! These are sweatshop eggs.

Quote from George

Elaine: I'm a "honey." He's pretty great, huh?
Jerry: Is he from the future?
Elaine: No, he just shaves his head. I think it's pretty gutsy.
George: Listen, sweetheart, let me tell you a little something about guts. [points to his bald head] This is guts.
Elaine: What? Clinging to some scraps?
George: These are not "scraps." These are historic remains of a once great society of hair.

Quote from George

Jerry: You asked her out?
George: Well, not "out." She's in prison.
Jerry: How could you ask her out?
George: Why not?
Jerry: I remember when you wouldn't date that girl who lived in Queens because you didn't want to go over the bridge.
George: That was different!
Jerry: I'll say.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Hey Jerry, is it all right if I put some stuff in your fridge? Because mine's full.
Jerry: Yeah, sure. You don't even have a fridge, do you?
Kramer: Well, not here. [grabs a bag of chicken feed]
Jerry: Kramer, wait a minute. What the hell is that?
Kramer: Well, it's chicken feed. [shoves the bag into Jerry's fridge]
Jerry: I sense something is afoot.
Kramer: Yeah, I bought a chicken.
George: Allow me. Why?
Kramer: Cage-free, farm-fresh eggs.
Jerry: Allow me. What are you, an idiot?

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: And he's growing it in just for me. It's mine. It's all mine.
Jerry: It's just hair.
Elaine: It's not just hair. Look.
Jerry: It's brown.
Elaine: It's chestnut with auburn highlights.
Jerry: So?
Elaine: You're not around women. You don't know how important a man's hair is. [they look to an uncomfortable George] I'm sorry, George, but it's true.
George: [close to tears] I knew it.

Quote from George

Kurt: Elaine said you would be the best person I could talk to.
George: [examining Kurt's head] Yep. Classic horseshoe pattern. I've seen a lot of this.
Kurt: Oh, God.
George: No, no, Kurt, wrong attitude. You should be happy now.
Kurt: Happy? Why should I be happy?
George: You've still got pretty good coverage. Once the enemy advances beyond this perimeter, then you won't be Kurt anymore.
Kurt: What will I be? [George points to himself] How long do I have?
George: 14 months. Maybe 10.
Kurt: Is there anything I can do?
George: Yes. Live, dammit. Live! Every precious moment as if this was the last year of your life. Because in many ways... it is.

Quote from Elaine

Jerry: So, you're actually considering it?
Elaine: Well, it'll be a couple of years before he's completely bald. Those will be good times.
Jerry: Marriage is a big step, Elaine. Your life will totally change.
Elaine: Jerry, it's 3:30 in the morning. I'm at a cockfight. What am I clinging to?


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