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‘The Cadillac’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Seinfeld: The Cadillac

714. The Cadillac

Aired February 8, 1996

Hot off a well-paid gig, Jerry buys his father his dream car, a Cadillac, which causes resentment in Morty's retirement community. A friend of Elaine tells George that she would have introduced him to the actress Marisa Tomei if he weren't engaged. Meanwhile, Kramer feuds with a cable guy.

Quote from Helen Seinfeld

Helen Seinfeld: Jerry, let's go, it's time to eat. We're going to dinner.
Jerry: Dinner? W- What time is it?
Helen Seinfeld: It's 4:30.
Jerry: 4:30? Who eats dinner at 4:30?
Morty Seinfeld: By the time we sit down, it'll be quarter to five.
Jerry: I don't understand why we have to eat now.
Helen Seinfeld: We gotta catch the early-bird. It's only between 4:30 and 6:00.
Morty Seinfeld: Yeah. They give you a tenderloin, a salad and a baked potato, for $4.95. You know what that cost you after 6?
Jerry: Can't we eat at a decent hour? I'll treat, okay?
Helen Seinfeld: You're not buying us dinner.
Jerry: I'm not force-feeding myself a steak at 4:30 to save a couple of bucks, I'll tell you that!
Helen Seinfeld: All right, we'll wait. But it's unheard of.

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Quote from Kramer

Kramer: I've been getting HBO and Showtime for free. See, they just found out about it, so now they wanna come and take it out.
Jerry: Well, said he was waiting about two hours. Seemed a little put out.
Kramer: [fake sobs] Oh, was he? Was he? I guess the cable man doesn't like to be kept waiting.
Jerry: You don't seem too bothered by it.
Kramer: You remember what they did to me ten years ago? "Oh, we'll be there in the morning between 9 and 1", or "We'll be there between 2 and 6"! And I sat there, hour after hour, without so much as a phone call. Finally, they show up, no apology, tracking mud all over my nice clean floors. Now, they want me to accommodate them. Well, looks like the shoe's on the other foot, doesn't it?
Jerry: Boy, I've never seen you like this.
Kramer: Oh, you don't wanna get on my bad side.

Quote from George

Elaine: Okay, all right. What's his name? Who is he?
George: Art Vandelay.
Elaine: Art Vandelay? This is my boyfriend?
George: That's your boyfriend.
Elaine: What does he do?
George: [snaps fingers] He's an importer.
Elaine: Just imports? No exports?
George: He's an importer-exporter. Okay?

Quote from Kramer

Nick: [knocks on Kramer's door] All right, I know you're in there. I know you can hear me. You win, okay? You win. I can't do it any more. What do you want from me? Apology? All right, I'm sorry. There, I said it, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I see now how we made you feel when we made you sit home waiting. I don't know why we do it. I guess maybe we just kind of enjoy taking advantage of people. Well, that's gonna change. From now on, no more 9 to 12, no more 1 to 5. We're gonna have appointments. Eleven o'clock is gonna mean eleven o'clock. And, if we can't make it, we're gonna call you, tell you why. For God's sakes, if a doctor can do it, why can't we? Anyway, that's it.
[As Nick starts to walk away, Kramer opens his door.]
Kramer: I'm sorry, bub. [they hug]

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: Who was Pippi Longstocking?
Katy: Pippi Longstocking? Hmm, I don't don't know.
Elaine: Did she have anything to do with Hitler?
Katy: Hitler? Maybe.

Quote from George

George: Could have fixed me up with Marisa Tomei. She said I was just her type.
Jerry: Really?
George: Yeah. Yeah. You know the odds of me being anyone's type?! I have never been anyone's type. But apparently, this Marisa Tomei loves funny, quirky, bald men.
Jerry: You know she won an Academy Award.
George: [chuckles] Like I don't know that? My Cousin Vinnie. I love that. I, George Costanza, could be on a date with an Oscar winner. An Oscar winner, Jerry! You know what that's like? It's like if, fifty years ago, someone fixed me up with Katharine Hepburn. Same thing!
Jerry: Now, there's a match. You and Katharine Hepburn.

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: Um, George felt that I was too adamant in my stance that Art should focus on the exporting and forget about the importing.
Susan Ross: Wait a minute. I thought that Art wanted to give up the exporting.
Elaine: What did I say?
Susan Ross: The importing.
Elaine: I did. Uh...
Susan Ross: So, what does he uh, import?
Elaine: Chips.
Susan Ross: Oh. What kinda chips?
Elaine: Potato.
Susan Ross: Ah.
Elaine: Some corn.
Susan Ross: And what does he export?
Elaine: Diapers.

Quote from George

Katy: I actually would've set you up with a friend of mine.
George: Oh, yeah?
Katy: You'd be perfect for her. She loves quirky, funny guys.
George: Bald?
Katy: Loves bald.
George: Loves bald? Wow. Who, uh... Who is she?
Katy: Marisa Tomei.
George: The actress?
Katy: Yeah.
George: You're friends with Marisa Tomei?
Katy: That's right.
George: That's- That's incredible. My Cousin Vinnie, I love her, she was fantastic!
Katy: Yeah, I know.
George: You were gonna fix me up with her?
Katy: Yeah, she's just been sitting home.
George: Marisa Tomei's sitting home, Elaine! Wh- Why didn't you tell me that Katy was friends with Marisa Tomei?!
Elaine: Oh, I don't know what I was thinking.

Quote from George

Elaine: Jerry, he want me to fix him up with Marisa Tomei. I am not gonna be a part of this!
George: Fixed up? A cup of coffee! A cup of coffee is not a fix up!
Elaine: You wanna meet her. You wanna see if she likes you?
George: So what? So what if I do?
Elaine: You're engaged!
George: I'm aware! I'm aware! But this is Marisa Tomei, Elaine. An Oscar winner! How can I live the rest of my life, knowing I could have been with Marisa Tomei? She said I was just her type! She loves short, stocky,
balding funny men!
Jerry: I notice you threw 'stocky' in there.
George: Yeah, what the hell?!
Elaine: George, it's cheating.
George: It's not cheating if there's no sex!

Quote from Morty Seinfeld

Morty Seinfeld: Jerry, look at this. My seat's got a memory, in case somebody moves it. I could be in prison for five years. I come out, my seat goes right back to where I like it.
Jerry: That's what I was thinking.

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