George: Well, I'm doing it, Jerry. I'm buying the Frogger machine. Now the torch will burn forever.
Jerry: Fabulous. See, now you're really do something.
George: So, you want to come down to Mario's Pizza with me and help me pick up the Frogger?
Jerry: Hey, how you gonna keep the machine plugged in while you move it?
George: What?
Jerry: Once you unplug the machine, all the scores will be erased.
George: You're right. Why must there always be a problem? You'd think just once I could get a break. God knows I earned it with that score!

Elaine: Mr. Peterman, you wanted to see me, sir?
J. Peterman: Elaine, up until a moment ago, I was convinced that I was on the receiving end of one of the oldest baker's grift in the books, The Entenmann's shim-sham.
Elaine: Oh.
J. Peterman: Until I remembered the videotape surveillance system that I installed to catch other Walter using my latrine. But it also caught this.
[Mr. Peterman shows Elaine footage of her dancing while eating the cake]
Elaine: Mr. Peterman, I, uh...
J. Peterman: Elaine, I have a question for you. Is the item still "with you"?
Elaine: Um, as far as I know.
J. Peterman: Do you know what happens to a butter-based frosting after six decades in a poorly ventilated English basement?
Elaine: Uh, I guess I hadn't--
J. Peterman: Well, I have a feeling that what you are about to go through is punishment enough. Dismissed.

J. Peterman: Elaine! Excellent. I'd like you to meet a friend of mine, Irwin Lubeck.
Elaine: Oh, hello.
Lubeck: Charmed.
J. Peterman: All right, brace yourself, Lubeck. You are about to be launched via pastry back to the wedding of one of the most dashing and romantic Nazi sympathizers of the entire British Royal family.

Elaine: What is this?
Man: You were out sick yesterday, so we got you a get-well cake.
Woman: It's carrot. It's good for you.
All: [singing] Get well get well soon, we wish you to get--
Elaine: Stop it! That's not even a song! I mean, now we're celebrating a sick day?
Man: I think it's nice.
Elaine: What? What is nice? Trying to fill the void in your life with flour and sugar and egg and vanilla? I mean, we are all unhappy. Do we have to be fat, too? Not you, Becky, I know you have a slow metabolism. I don't want one more piece of cake in my office!

Jerry: What is so bad about having a little piece of cake?
Elaine: It is the forced socializing. I mean, just because we work in the same office, why do we have to act like we're friends?
Jerry: Why aren't you there now?
Elaine: I had to take a sick day, I'm so sick of these people.

Kramer: Check it out, official police caution tape. Look at that.
Kramer: Uh-uh-uh. Step back, son, there's nothing to see here.
Jerry: Where did you get this?
Kramer: Well, I got it from my cop buddy, Doug.
Jerry: You sure have a lot of friends. How come I never see any of these people?
Kramer: They want to know why they never see you. [ties tape around a banana] I'm gonna eat that later.

Jerry: So they just gave you this?
Kramer: Oh no, no, no. I had to fish around in the evidence room for it. You know, they're all preoccupied, trying to hunt down this new psycho-serial killer, the Lopper. All right, I'll see you.
Elaine: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Who is the Lopper?
Kramer: Oh, it's no big deal. It's just some guy who's been running around Riverside park... You know, cutting people's heads off.
Jerry: How come I haven't read about this?
Kramer: Well, you know, the police, they've been having some internal dissension about the name.
Elaine: Really? What're the other titles?
Kramer: Uh, Heads-o. The De-nogginizer. Son of Dad.
Jerry: Son of Dad?
Kramer: Yeah. That was my suggestion. It's sort of a catchall.

Jerry: Hey, look at the high score. "G.L.C." George Louis Costanza. That's not you, is it?
George: Yes! 860,000. I can't believe it's still standing. No one has beaten me in like 10 years.
Jerry: I remember that night.
George: Oh, I was unstoppable. The perfect combination of Mountain Dew and mozzarella. Just the right amount of grease on the joy stick.
Mario: Here's your pizza pea brains.
Jerry: I think I remember why we stopped coming here.
George: Yeah.

Kramer: You know the police, they found another victim of the Lopper in Riverside Park. I saw the photo, and it looked a lot like you.
Jerry: Oh, come on. There's a lot of people walking around the city that look like me.
Kramer: Not as many as there used to be.

Kramer: You know, George, you're not gonna find an electrician like that in the yellow pages. Now, I know just the guy who can do this.
Jerry: Another friend?
Kramer: Oh, no, no, no. This guy is no friend. In fact, we don't even get along.
George: Well, is he good, Kramer?
Kramer: Oh, he's the best...and the worst.
George: Kramer, listen to me. I'm never gonna have a child. If I lose this Frogger high score, that's it for me.
Kramer: Believe me George, you can count on Slippery Pete.
George: Slippery Pete?
Kramer: Yeah, I don't care for the name, either. In fact, that's one of the things that we argue about.