Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The Comeback’ Quotes

Seinfeld: The Comeback

813. The Comeback

Aired January 30, 1997

After a colleague makes a joke at George's experience, he comes up with the perfect comeback on the drive home. Kramer decides to write a living will after seeing a movie about a woman in a coma. Meanwhile, Elaine falls for a guy doing movie recommendations at a rental store, and Jerry regrets buying an expensive tennis racket.

Quote from George

Jerry: "The ocean called, they're running out of shrimp"?
George: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then, I said to him, "Oh yeah? Well, the jerk store called, and they're running out of you."
Jerry: Really? That's great. You said that to him?
George: Well, actually, I thought it up on the way over here.
Jerry: Oh. That's not quite the same.
George: No. No, it's not. You don't know this guy. It would have been so sweet.

Rate

Quote from George

Bill: Well, if the big man wants a new scoreboard, I don't wanna be the one to tell him no.
Reilly: No-one in the park is gonna be able to see it from there.
George: [with a mouthful of shrimp] Well, why don't we just put a monitor in his skybox?
Reilly: Hey George, the ocean called. They're running out of shrimp.
[later, as George drives home:]
George: [inner monologue] The ocean called. Running out of shrimp. Out of shrimp! [out loud] Oh, yes! That's what I should have said. Dammit!

Quote from George

Reilly: So, George. You're proposing a snow tire day at Yankee Stadium?
George: [with a mouthful of shrimp] Long as they don't throw 'em on the field. [laughs] Help yourself to some shrimp, I brought enough for everybody.
Man: I have to say this, this proposal doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
George: Well, you never know. [eats more shrimp] Let's see how many I can fit in my mouth.
Reilly: You know, George... The ocean called. They're running out of shrimp. [all laugh]
George: [stands] Oh yeah, Reilly? Well, the jerk store called. They're running out of you.
Reilly: What's the difference? You're their all-time best seller! [all laugh]
George: Yeah? Well, I had sex with your wife.
Man: His wife is in a coma.

Quote from George

George: Sometimes in life, the gods smile upon you, my friends.
Jerry: Did you get someone to take that Canadian quarter?
George: I got another meeting with Reilly. A whole new audience, and I bet I can get him to try that line again.
Elaine: Who's Reilly?
Jerry: George was scarfing shrimp at this meeting, and this guy says "Hey, George, the ocean called. They're running outta shrimp." [Elaine laughs]
George: Listen to the comeback. "Oh yeah? Well the jerk store called. They're running out of you." [silence] What? You gotta be kidding me?!

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Jerry, have you ever seen the movie The Other Side Of Darkness?
Jerry: No.
Kramer: It's about this woman, in a coma. Well, I couldn't finish watching it, so I want you to read this.
Jerry: "I, Cosmo Kramer, having just seen the movie The Other Side Of Darkness, and not wanting to be in a coma like that lady in the movie, hereby want Jerry Seinfeld to remove my life support, feeding machine, lung-blower, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera."
Kramer: Can you do that for me, buddy?
Jerry: Well, I don't if what you have here constitutes a legally binding document.
Kramer: Well, I'm gonna type it up.
Jerry: Yes, well, of course. But even so, you may wanna talk to a lawyer.
Kramer: Yeah, but, Jackie Chiles, he put a restraining order on me. I'm not allowed within two hundred feet of his office. I couldn't even give him his Christmas present.

Quote from George

Elaine: How about this one? How about, "Your cranium called. It's got some space to rent."?
George: What does that mean?
Jerry: Hey, here you go. "Hey, Reilly. The zoo called. You're due back by six."
George: No. No, no, no. You're not helping me.
Kramer: Look, just tell him you had sex with his wife. That'll kill him.
George: I'm not looking for another line. I got the line.
Kramer: Look, George, just think about it. You know, you're married, how would you feel if somebody says to you that they just had se...
George: All right, all right. You see? This is why I hate writing with a large group. Everybody has their own little opinions, and it all gets homogenized, and you lose the whole edge of it. I'm going with "jerk store"! "Jerk store" is the line! "Jerk store"! Yes!

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Hey. Right, I talked to this lawyer guy, Shellbach. Now, he's gonna set me up, but you gotta come with me and be the executor.
Elaine: The executor? Of what?
Jerry: Kramer wants to die with dignity.
Elaine: There's a feather in your cap.
Kramer: I don't wanna be a vegetable, Elaine. I just want out.

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: [at the TV] Bernie is dead, you moron! Just because he's wearing sunglasses he looks alive?! Ugh, how long is this weekend, anyway? Ugh. [answers phone] Hello.
Vincent: How's the movie. Elaine?
Elaine: Vincent?
Vincent: The Gene pick. How could you? I thought we had something special.
Elaine: No, it doesn't mean anything. I'm not even gonna rewind it. [Vincent hangs up] Vincent?

Quote from George

Jerry: So how did the big meeting turn out?
George: Reilly is no longer with the club. You believe that?
Jerry: Ah, you're better off. Now you can just let it go.
George: Yeah, I'm gonna let it go.
Jerry: You never really had the right comeback, anyway.
George: Are you insane? "Jerk store" would have smoked that guy! Smoked him, I say.

Quote from George

George: So, guess where Mr. "Ocean phoned" turned up? He's working for Firestone, in Akron, Ohio.
Elaine: Ohio?
George: Yep. I'm leaving first thing tomorrow morning.
Jerry: You're flying to Akron just to zing a guy?
George: Don't you understand? It's not about him. To have a line as perfect as "jerk store" and to never use it. I, I couldn't live with myself.
Elaine: See, there are no jerk stores. It.. It's just a little confusing, is all.
George: It's smart. It's a smart line, and a smart crowd will appreciate it. [shouts] And, I'm not gonna dumb it down for some bonehead mass audience! [to the other diners] Not you.

Quote from George

George: "My wife's in a coma." Yeah? Well, the life support machine called and... Wait! Yes! That's what I should've said! D'oh.
[George does a U-turn]
George: You're meat, Reilly! You just screwed yourself! [laughs]

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Did you take this out of the garbage?
Jerry: Yeah, it's still got some spring in the strings.
Kramer: Oh, Jerry, this is a piece of junk. [puts racket in the trash] How are you gonna be the executor of my living will? [Jerry retrieves the racket] You see? You can't let go.
Jerry: Trust me, Kramer. Given the legal opportunity, I will kill you.
Kramer: I wish I could believe you. Hey, Elaine, do you have some free time tomorrow afternoon?
Elaine: Me?
Kramer: Yeah, because you're perfect. You're a calculating, cold-hearted businesswoman. And when there's dirty work to be done, you don't mind stomping on a few throats.
Elaine: [flattered] Oh, come on.


 Episode 812 Episode 814 
  Select another episode