D.A. Hoyt: Call Mabel Choate to the stand.
Bailiff: Call Mabel Choate.
Jackie Chiles: Your Honor. I most strenuously and vigorously object to this witness. She was not present at the time of the incident. Her testimony is irrelevant, irrational, and inconsequential.

Newman: Hello, Jerry.
Jerry: Hello, Newman. What gives?
Newman: I was speaking earlier with Kramer and he mentioned something about a private jet to Paris?
Jerry: Yeah, that's right.
Newman: Well, I hear it's quite beautiful there this time of year, and of course you know I'm one-quarter French.
Jerry: Really?
Newman: Oh, yes. In fact, I still have family there. This probably won't interest you, but I have a cousin there who's suffering very badly. She's lost all use of her muscles. She can only communicate by blinking. I would so love to see her, bring a ray of sunshine into her tragic life. But alas, I can't afford it, for I am, as you know, but a simple postal worker.
Jerry: That's a shame.
Newman: Take me! Take me!
Jerry: Oh, forget it. Pull yourself together. You're making me sick. Be a man!
Newman: All right! But hear me and hear me well. The day will come. Oh, yes. Mark my words, Seinfeld. Your day of reckoning is coming. When an evil wind will blow through your little play world, and wipe that smug smile off your face. And I'll be there, in all my glory, watching. Watching as it all comes crumbling down. [evil laugh]

D.A. Hoyt: You've came a long way to be here today, haven't you?
Babu: Yes, all the way from Pakistan.
D.A. Hoyt: And what's your connection to the defendant?
Babu: I owned a restaurant. Seinfeld told me to change the menu to Pakistani. But nobody came! There were no people.
D.A. Hoyt: And then what happened?
Babu: Then, he got me an apartment in his building. But they mixed up the mail. And I never got my immigration renewal papers. So they deported me. It's all his fault. Him. And the woman. But they did not care. They're totally indifferent. All they do is mock me. Just like they did the fat fellow. All the time ,ocking, mocking, mocking, mocking, mocking. All the time! Now it is Babu's turn to mock. Finally I will have some justice. Send them away! Send them all away! Lock them up forever! They are not human. Very bad! Very, very, very bad! [wags finger]

Judge Vandelay: Mr. Chiles?
Jackie Chiles: I am shocked and chagrined. Mortified and stupefied. This trial is outrageous! It is a waste of the taxpayers' time and money. It is a travesty of justice that these four people have been incarcerated while the real perpetrator is walking around laughing. Lying and laughing, laughing and lying. Do you know what these four people were? They were innocent bystanders. Now, you just think about that term. Innocent. Bystanders. Because that's exactly what they were. We know they were bystanders, nobody's disputing that. So how can a bystander be guilty? No such thing. Have you ever heard of a guilty bystander? No, because you cannot be a bystander and be guilty. Bystanders are by definition, innocent. That is the nature of bystanding. But no. They want to change nature here. They want to create a whole new animal. The guilty bystander. Don't you let them do it. Only you can stop them.

D.A. Hoyt: So, Donald, would you please tell the court about the incident that occurred in your house, October 7th, 1992.
Bubble Boy: Well, Jerry Seinfeld was supposed to come to my house, but his friend Costanza showed up instead, so I challenged him to a game of Trivial Pursuit.
[flashback to George playing Trivial Pursuit with the bubble boy, being strangled by the bubble boy, puncturing the bubble]
George: It was Moops!
Bubble Boy: [o.s.] Moors.

Estelle Costanza: Sorry to bother you, Judge.
Judge Vandelay: How did you get in here?
Estelle Costanza: Please. If he's found guilty, please be kind to him. He's a good boy.
Judge Vandelay: This is highly irregular.
Estelle Costanza: Well, maybe there's something I can do for you.
Judge Vandelay: What do you mean?
Estelle Costanza: You know.

Judge Vandelay: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a verdict?
Foreman: We have, Your Honor.
Judge Vandelay: Will the defendants please rise. And how do you find, with respect to the charge of criminal indifference?
Foreman: We find the defendants... guilty.
Judge Vandelay: Order! Order! Order in this court, I will clear this room. I do not know how, or under what circumstances the four of you found each other. But your callous indifference and utter disregard for everything that is good and decent has rocked the very foundation upon which our society is built. I can think of nothing more fitting than for the four of you to spend a year removed from society so that you can contemplate the manner in which you have conducted yourselves. I know I will. This court is adjourned.

George: I'm sorry, I have to say, I'm a little disappointed. I thought it would be a lot nicer.
Jerry: You're complaining about a private jet?
George: You think this is the plane that Ted Danson gets?
Jerry: Ted Danson is not even on the network anymore.
George: Still, I bet when they gave him a plane, it was a lot nicer than this one.

Jackie Chiles: Is everybody ready? Didn't I tell you I wanted you to wear the cardigan?
George: It makes me look older.
Jackie Chiles: Look older? Do you think this is a game? Is that what you think this is? I'm trying to give you a moral compass. You have no moral compass. You're going to walk into that courtroom, and the jury's going to see a mean, nasty, evil George Costanza. I want them to see Perry Como. No one's going to convict Perry Como. Perry Como helps out a fat tub who's getting robbed.

D.A. Hoyt: So you asked Mr. Seinfeld if he would wear your puffy shirt on the Today Show?
Leslie: [mumble]
[Everyone in the courthouse leans forward to try hear her]
D.A. Hoyt: Excuse me?
Jackie Chiles: Uh, excuse me, Your Honor, but what is the point of this testimony? This woman's a low-talker. I can't hear a word she's saying. So either get some other kind of microphone up there, or let's move on.