Elaine: Hey, I didn't even use one.
Jerry: I thought you said it was imminent.
Elaine: Yeah, it was, but then I just couldn't decide if he was really spongeworthy.
Jerry: Spongeworthy?
Elaine: Yeah, Jerry, I have to conserve these Sponges.
Jerry: But you like this guy, isn't that what the Sponges are for?
Elaine: Yes, yes, before they went off the market. But I mean, now I've got to re-evaluate my whole screening process. I can't afford to waste any of them.
George: You know, you're nuts with these sponges. George is getting frustrated!

Elaine: So, you think you're sponge-worthy?
Billy: Yes, I think I'm sponge-worthy. I think I'm very sponge-worthy.
Elaine: Run down your case for me again.
Billy: Well, we've gone out several times. We obviously have a good rapport. I own a very profitable electronics distributing firm. I eat well. I exercise. Blood tests, immaculate. And if I can speak frankly, I'm actually quite good at it.
Elaine: You going to do something about your sideburns?
Billy: Yeah, I told you. I'm going to trim my sideburns.
Elaine: And the bathroom in your apartment?
Billy: Cleaned it this morning.
Elaine: The sink, the tub, everything got cleaned?
Billy: Everything, yeah. It's spotless.
Elaine: All right, let's go.

Billy: How did you sleep?
Elaine: Great. You?
Billy: Fine, fine. Everything okay?
Elaine: Yep.
Billy: No regrets?
Elaine: Nope. [Billy moves in for a kiss] What are you doing?
Billy: What do you mean?
Elaine: Oh, I don't think so.
Billy: Why not? I thought you said everything was fine.
Elaine: Oh, I wish I could help you, but I can't afford two of them.

Pharmacist: Can I help you?
Elaine: Yeah, do you have any Today Sponges? I know they're off the market, but...
Pharmacist: Actually, we have a case left.
Elaine: A case! A case of Sponges? I mean, uh...a case. Huh. Uh...how many come in a case?
Pharmacist: Sixty.
Elaine: Sixty?! Uh. well, I'll take three.
Pharmacist: Three.
Elaine: Make it ten.
Pharmacist: Ten?
Elaine: Twenty Sponges should be plenty.
Pharmacist: Did you say twenty?
Elaine: Yeah, twenty-five Sponges is just fine.
Pharmacist: Right. So, you're set with twenty-five.
Elaine: Yeah. Yeah. Just give me the whole case and I'll be on my way.

George: Uh, did you get any of those Sponges?
Elaine: Yeah. Cleaned out the whole West Side. Why?
George: Well, Susan.
Elaine: Oh, Susan uses the Sponge.
George: Susan loves the Sponge.
Elaine: Yeah, I'm sorry, George. I can't help you out.
George: What?
Elaine: I can't do it. No way. There's no how.

Kramer: Uh, Cosmo Kramer?
Organizer: Uh, okay, you're checked in. Here's your AIDS ribbon.
Kramer: Uh, no thanks.
Organizer: You don't want to wear an AIDS ribbon?
Kramer: No.
Organizer: But you have to wear an AIDS ribbon.
Kramer: I have to?
Organizer: Yes.
Kramer: See, that's why I don't want to.
Organizer: But everyone wears the ribbon. You must wear the ribbon!
Kramer: You know what you are? You're a ribbon bully. [walks off]
Organizer: Hey you! Come back here! Come back here and put this on!

George: Elaine and her sponges. She's got like, a war chest full of them.
Susan Ross: Well, I don't see why you just can't use condoms.
George: Oh, no, no. Condoms are for single men. The day that we got engaged, I said goodbye to the condom forever.
Susan Ross: Just once. For the make-up sex.
George: Make-up sex? You have to have that right after the fight, we're way past that.
Susan Ross: Come on, just once?
George: No, no, I hate the condom.
Susan Ross: Why?
George: I can never get the package open in time.
Susan Ross: Well, you just tear it open.
George: It's not that easy. It's like "Beat The Clock". There's a lot of pressure there.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: People can be so vain, don't you know? I have a friend, wears eye glasses, no prescription in the glasses because he thinks it makes him look more intelligent. Now, why? Why do we think that glasses makes us look more intelligent? Is it from the endless hours of reading and studying and researching that this person supposedly blew out their eyeballs, and that's why they need the glasses? It's just a corrective device. If you see someone with a hearing aid, you don't think, "Oh, they must have been listening real good. Yeah, to a lot of important stuff." No, they are deaf. They can't hear.

Jerry: Hey, Lena Small's on this list.
Elaine: Lena Small?
Jerry: Yeah, that girl I was gonna call for a date, she was unlisted and now here's her number.
Elaine: Oh, you're not gonna cop a girl's phone number off an AIDS charity list!
Jerry: [copying number] Elaine, you should admire me. I'm aspiring to date a giving person.
Elaine: You're a taking person.
Jerry: That's why I should date a giving person. If I date a taking person, everyone's taking, taking, taking. No one's giving. It's bedlam.

Kramer: Are you still on the pill?
Elaine: Oh, Kramer...
Kramer: No, I'll tell you, I think birth control should be discussed in an open forum.
Elaine: The sponge, okay? The Today Sponge.
Kramer: But wasn't that taken off the market?
Elaine: Off the market? The sponge? No, no. No way. Everybody loves the sponge.
Kramer: I read it in Wall Street Week. Louis Rukeyser.