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‘The Millenium’ Quotes

Seinfeld: The Millenium

820. The Millenium

Aired May 1, 1997

Jerry's new girlfriend, Valerie (guest star Lauren Graham), is very particular about ranking her speed dial. After receiving a job offer from the Mets, George tries to get fired from the Yankees. Elaine tries to run a Mayan shop out of business because of a rude clerk. Meanwhile, Kramer clashes with Newman over plans for a millennium party.

Quote from Newman

Kramer: Well, what am I gonna do? I got over two hundred folding chairs, and quite a bit of ice.
Newman: What kind?
Kramer: Cubed.
Newman: That's good stuff, and you can never have too much ice. All right, I'll tell you what I'll do. You can co-host the party with me, under one condition. No Jerry. Jerry is not invited.
Kramer: I gotta invite Jerry. He's my buddy.
Newman: That he may be. But he's outta my life, starting in the year 2000. For me, the next millennium must be Jerry-free!

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Quote from Mr. Steinbrenner

George: You wanted to see me, sir?
Mr. Steinbrenner: I heard about what happened at the meeting this morning...
George: Oh, yes. I already packed up my desk, sir. I can be outta here in an hour.
Mr. Steinbrenner: ...and I have to tell you, it's exactly what this organisation needed. We wanna look to the future, we gotta tear down the past. Babe Ruth was nothing more than a fat old man with little-girl legs. And here's something I just found out recently. He wasn't really a sultan. Huh, what do you make of that? Hey, check this out. [stands up] Lou Gehrig's pants. Not a bad fit. Hey, you don't think that nerve disease of his was contagious, do you? Uh, I better take them off. I'm too important to this team. Big Stein can't be flopping and twitching. Hey, how about some lunch. What are you going for?

Quote from Newman

Kramer: You knew I was having a millennium party, but you just had to throw yours on the same day!
Newman: I have done nothing unethical.
Kramer: Yeah, well you're gonna have to cancel it, because I've told everybody about my party.
Newman: Cancel?! Think again, long shanks! I started planning this in 1978. I put a deposit down on that revolving restaurant that overlooks Times Square and I booked Christopher Cross.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Hi, I'm H.E. Pennypacker. I'm a wealthy American industrialist, uh, looking to open a silver mine in the mountains of Peru. And uh, before I invest millions in a lucrative mine, I, I'd like to go a little native. Uh. Get the
feel of their condiments, of their unmentionables. You know, the real uh, gritty-gritty. [eats chips]
Gladys: Well, let me show you what we have.
Kramer: Well, uh, I think I can just browse around on my own. [eats chips] Hmm, Machu Pichu. Are these free?
Gladys: Yeah.
Kramer: Hmm-mmm.
[Kramer walks over to a rack, indiscriminately takes a selection of clothes, and then starts choking on the chips on his way to the changing room]
Gladys: Some of those are women's clothes.
Kramer: Oh, not a problem.
[Kramer closes the curtain. The sound of a pricing gun can be heart. Kramer drops it and then steps on it.]

Quote from Kramer

Elaine: Come on. What is taking you so long?
Kramer: Elaine, I broke the price-gun, so I had to move to Plan B.
Elaine: Plan B? There is no plan B.
Kramer: I took these out of every single garment in the store.
Elaine: What?!
Kramer: They're dessicants. See, they absorb moisture. These clothes won't last five years without them.
Elaine: That's not gonna do anything.
Kramer: Patience.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Well, I've uh, I've changed my mind. I think I'm going to build a rollercoaster instead.

Quote from Mr. Steinbrenner

Mr. Steinbrenner: I heard what you did in the parking lot, big boy, and it is [stressing each syllable] inexcusable. You personally insulted me, my staff... I cannot believe that you, Body-Suit Man, could perpetrate such a disloyalty. Breaks my heart to say it... Oh, who am I kidding? I love it. You're fi...
Wilhelm: Wait, wait, Mr Steinbrenner. George doesn't deserve any of the blame for what happened in the parking lot today, sir. If there's anyone to blame here, it's me.
Mr. Steinbrenner: What are you talking about, Wilhelm. You popping pills? You got the crazies again?
Wilhelm: No, no. No, no, sir. I ordered George to drive around insulting people today. Because I'm tired of all your macho head games.
George: He's lying, sir! I'm tired of all your macho head games!
Mr. Steinbrenner: Macho head games?
Wilhelm: [puts arm around George] He's just being loyal to me, sir.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Wilhelm, you're fired. I owe you an apology, Body-Suit Man. Streak on. [stands up] Now, if you gentlemen'll excuse me, I'm not going to the game today, I'm gonna go outside and scalp some tickets. Owner's box, that's gotta bring in forty bucks, no problem.
George: Mr Wilhelm, what was that?!
Wilhelm: I wanted to get fired. George, you are looking at the new head scout of the New York Mets. [sings] Meet the Mets, meet the Mets. Come right out and greet the Mets.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: It all right if I keep these here for a while? I'm having a New Year's Eve party.
Jerry: You're gonna keep these here for eight months?!
Kramer: No, Jerry. New Year's Eve, 1999. The millennium. I told you about that.
Jerry: Kramer, you're gonna leave these chairs here for two and a half years?!
Kramer: You're not gonna see them. I got a case of party poppers I'm gonna keep in front of them.

Quote from George

George: Come on in and greet the Mets.
Jerry: Good meeting?
George: There was no meeting. [grabs a folding chair] But it was quite a meeting. You are looking at the next director of Mets scouting. The only thing is, I have to get fired from the Yankees first.
Jerry: You can do that.
George: Of course. But I really wanna leave my mark this time, you know. Uh, I wanna walk away from the Yankees with people saying, "Wow! Now that guy got canned!"
Jerry: So you want to go out in a final blaze of incompetence?
George: Remember that summer at Dairy Queen where I cooled my feet in the soft-serve machine?

Quote from George

George: Hey, so get this. I get a call this morning from one of the Mets front office guys. They wanna take me out to lunch.
Jerry: What for?
George: I'm on a winning ball club, Jerry. They probably wanna pick my brains.
Jerry: Really, why do you think they're taking you out to lunch?
George: I have no idea.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Yeah, I'm gonna keep these here too, huh? They'll be all right.
Jerry: Kramer, these balloons aren't gonna stay filled till New Year's!
Kramer: Oh, those aren't for New Year's. Those are my everyday balloons.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Do you think people will still be using napkins in the year 2000? Or is this mouth-vacuum thing for real?

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: I had like a so-so date with Valerie, now I'm number nine on the speed-dial.
George: So?
Jerry: So? I used to be seven. I dropped two spots.
George: What, she's ranking you?
Jerry: Yeah, this speed-dial's like a relationship barometer.
George: What is a barometer exactly?
Kramer: It's pronounced thermometer. You know, in the year 2000, we'll all be on speed-dial. You'll just have to think of a person, they'll be talking to you. It'll be like... "Wait a minute, I'm getting a call here." Hey, it's Newman. "Hey, how you doing, Newman?" [Jerry mouths "I'm not here" and waves his arms] Oh, you wanna talk to Jerry?

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: So Jerry, my millennium party's really coming together. Will people be able to breathe underwater in the year 2000?
Jerry: Some of us.
Kramer: [crumples piece of paper] I don't wanna exclude anybody.

Quote from Elaine

Jerry: Hola.
Elaine: Shove it!
Jerry: What is all this?
Elaine: I got all this junk at Cinco de Mayo, because I was trying to show Putumayo how much business they'd lost. I mean, I've been dancing and strutting in front of their store for two days.
Jerry: Ah, no wonder we're getting so much rain.

Quote from Newman

Kramer: Well, I just got your invitation to the Newmannium party.
Newman: You just got it? Damn, the mail is slow.

Quote from George

Jerry: How could they not fire you?
George: Never thought I'd fail at failing.
Jerry: Aw, come on there now.
George: Feel like I can't do anything wrong.
Jerry: Nonsense. You do everything wrong.
George: Everything?
Jerry: Everything.
George: You really think so?
Jerry: Absolutely. I have no confidence in you.
George: All right. I guess I just have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and throw myself right back down again.
Jerry: That's the spirit. You suck.
George: I know.

Quote from George

[George is driving around the parking lot, dragging along a trophy]
George: Attention, Steinbrenner and front-office morons! Your triumphs mean nothing. You all stink. You can sit on it, and rotate! This is George Costanza. I fear no reprisal. Extension 5170.

Quote from Kramer

Newman: What did you say to Elaine? I just got her cancellation in the mail.
Kramer: Oh, well I guess she found some place better to go.
Newman: Well, it's her mistake. Because she is going to miss the party of a lifetime.
Kramer: Well, maybe so, but come midnight, when she's looking for someone warm and cuddly to kiss, I guess you'll be caught between the moon and New York City.
Newman: All right. Come back to my party, please.
Kramer: Jerry too, of course.
Newman: You don't wanna do your act, or anything, do you?
Jerry: No.
Newman: All right then, I guess I can accept a little Jerry, if it gets me a lot of Elaine.
Kramer: Deal?
Newman: To the Newmannium!
Kramer: To the Kramennium.


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