Jerry: [answers phone] Hello?
Kramer: Jerry, guess where I'm calling from.
Jerry: World War I plane?
Kramer: No, I'm in my shower. I'm trying to get out of the shower sooner. And then I asked myself why. I mean, this is where I wanna be. I got a waterproof phone, I shaved, I brushed my teeth, and I ordered a pair of chinos from J. Crew.
Jerry: When are you getting out?
Kramer: I'm not. I'll see you later, buddy.

Jerry: Oh, great, Elaine. What is wrong with my body?
Elaine: Chicken-wing shoulder blades.
Jerry: That's it?
Elaine: No, but that's one problem. Why?
Jerry: Well, I was walking around naked in front of Melissa the other day...
Elaine: Whoa. Walking around naked? That is not a good look for a man.
George: Why not? It's a good look for a woman.
Elaine: Well, female body is a work of art. The male body is utilitarian. It's for getting around. It's like a Jeep.
Jerry: So you don't think it's attractive?
Elaine: It's hideous. The hair, the lumpiness. It's simian.
George: Well, some women like it.
Elaine: Sickies.

Jason Hanky: Hi, I'm Jason. I'm a Rage-aholic.
All: Hi, Jason.
Jason Hanky: This is my first meeting.
George: Step-skipper. That man is a step-skipper. He skips Step 9.
Jason Hanky: Please, Step 9.
George: That's right. He never apologized to me for saying that I would stretch out the neck hole on his sweater. [all laugh] It wasn't funny.
Jason Hanky: It was a very nice sweater. Take a look at his neck, not to mention the melon sitting on top of it. I don't know if I'd trust him with a V-neck.
George: He's bebopping and scatting, and I'm losing it.

George: Oh, hello, Hanky, others.
Jason Hanky: George.
George: You know, Jason, I couldn't help notice: I didn't get my apology.
Jason Hanky: Apology? For what?
George: A draughty apartment. A sweaterless friend. A ball-game-giveaway MetLife Windbreaker.
Jason Hanky: George, come on. Not that neck-hole thing.
George: Yes, the neck-hole thing. And I would appreciate it if you'd say you're sorry.
Jason Hanky: No way. You would have completely stretched it out.
George: You're an alcoholic! You have to apologize. Step 9. Step 9.
Jason Hanky: All right, George, all right. I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry. I'm so sorry that I didn't want your rather bulbous head struggling to find its way through the normal-size neck hole of my finely knit sweater.

Man: George, here, have a seat.
George: Where's Hanky?
Leader: Okay, let's get started. Welcome to Rage-aholics Anonymous.
George: What? Rage-aholics?
Man: George, this can help you. Hey, I am not here for rage. I'm here for revenge.
Leader: Excuse me. We have a no-yelling policy at these meetings.
George: Excuse me. Am I talking to you, pinhead? Am I?
Leader: Please don't call me pinhead.
George: I'm losing it.

Elaine: This food is fantastic, Kramer. And what a pretty radish rose, huh?
Kramer: Well, thank you.
Elaine: Well, here's to Peggy on her first week of being germfree free.
Kramer: And here's to David Puddy for helping me install a much-needed and much-appreciated garbage disposal in my bathtub.
Peggy: You have a garbage disposal in your bathtub?
Kramer: Oh, yeah, and I use it all the time. Yeah, I made this whole meal in there.
Elaine: This food was in the shower with you?
Kramer: Uh-huh. I prepared it as I bathed.
David Puddy: Oh, germs. Germs. Germs!

George: So you're Jason Hanky's supervisor.
Man: Sponsor.
George: Whatever. Listen, I'm very concerned about this guy.
Man: He's doing very well. He's already on to Step 10.
George: Yes, well, when you don't do the steps you can go through them pretty fast. You can get through six a day.
Man: Is there some unresolved issue between you and Jason?
George: I don't know, a little something called Step 9? Instead of an apology he was bebopping and scatting all over me.
Man: I'm not sure what you want me to do.
George: Well, aren't you the boss of him? You shouldn't let him move up. When I was in Cub Scouts, I got stuck on Webelos for three years because I kept losing the Pinewood Derby.
Man: You're quite upset.
George: Well, I think you should drop him down to Step 2.
Man: Admit there's a higher power?
George: Yeah, let him chew on that for a while.
Man: You know, George, I think I can help you. We're having a meeting. Why don't you come by?
George: All right. That's more like it. Thank you very much. By the way, my uncle was an alcoholic.

George: Remember that party he threw a few years ago? He had that very draughty apartment. I think on 9th Avenue...
Elaine: Faster.
George: I asked if I could borrow a sweater.
Jerry: A cashmere sweater.
George: I said, preferably cashmere. For warmth. So in front of the whole party, he says: "No. I don't want you stretching out the neck hole." [Elaine laughs] Oh, yeah, sure, laugh it up. Everybody else did.
Elaine: Well, it's funny. I mean, you have a big head. Or is it because of your neck?
Jerry: No, I think the head does most of the stretching.
George: Regardless, I had to walk around for the rest of the party in some cheap MetLife Windbreaker. Now it is payback time.
Elaine: I really think it's the size of your neck.
George: It's my head!

George: So she coughed.
Jerry: Coughing? Naked? It's a turnoff, man
George: Everything goes with naked.
Jerry: When you cough, there are thousands of unseen muscles that suddenly spring into action. It's like watching a fat guy catch a cannonball in his stomach in slow motion.
George: Oh, you spoiled, spoiled man. Do you know how much mental energy I expend trying to picture women naked?
Jerry: But the thing you don't realize is there's good naked and bad naked. Naked hair brushing, good. Naked crouching, bad.

Elaine: Peggy, we gotta talk. What is it about me that you find so offensive?
Peggy: You seem to be with a lot of men.
Elaine: What? I happen to have a very steady boyfriend. You know, I mean, we broke up a few times, and there has been an occasional guy here or there, but... Why is this your business?
Peggy: It's not. Good day.
Elaine: Oh, all right. You think I've got germs? I'll give you some germs. [wipes keyboard across her butt] How about some for your keyboard, huh? How about that? Yeah? Oh, how about for your stapler? [puts stapler under armpit] That's good, isn't it?
Peggy: You have a happy and a healthy.
[Elaine coughs on Peggy's doorknob]