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‘The Blood’ Quotes

Seinfeld: The Blood

904. The Blood

Aired October 16, 1997

Kramer takes his blood back from the bank. Jerry tries to get in shape. George wants to introduce food into the bedroom. Meanwhile, Elaine ends up baby-sitting her friend's kid.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: My service rates went up? You banks are all the same with your hidden fees and your service charges. Well, maybe I'll just take my blood elsewhere, yeah.
Employee: Well, we can transfer to another bank for you.
Kramer: Oh, no, no, no. No more banks. I'm keeping my blood in my freezer with my money!

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Quote from Jerry

George: Three pints of Kramer's blood?
Jerry: I can feel his blood inside of me. Borrowing things from my blood.
George: Well, so much for purification week.

Quote from George

Jerry: So, how's the fornicating gourmet?
George: Doing quite well, thank you. Yesterday I had a soft boiled egg and a quickie. You know what? If I could add TV to the equation, that would really be the ultimate.
Jerry: George, we're trying to have a civilization here.

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: Did you give blood?
Kramer: No, not giving. hoarding. I'm storing it at the blood bank. Just in case.
Jerry: In case of what?
Kramer: Jerry, I know myself. If I'm out on the street and it's starts to go down, I don't back off until it's finished.
Jerry: Are we finished?
Kramer: Done.

Quote from George

George: So, uh, what do you say?
Tara: I guess we could use some food in our lovemaking.
George: Okay, we got your... Got your strawberries. Your chocolate sauce. Your pastrami on rye with mustard. Your honey...
Tara: Wait, wait, wait. Pastrami on rye with mustard?
George: Oh, yeah, yeah. Don't you remember they used pastrami in that movie ​9 1⁄2 Weeks? Remember the pastrami scene?
Tara: No.
George: Well, maybe it was Ghostbuster. Whatever it was, it worked!

Quote from George

Jerry: So, the free love buffet is over?
George: I got greedy. Flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami.
Jerry: Yeah, that's what you did.

Quote from George

Vivian: Oh, isn't Elaine fantastic?
George: Yes, she is. It's a pity we won't be seeing much more of her.
Vivian: Really, why?
George: Oh, you haven't heard? No, she's going to live with her grandparents in Reading, Pennsylvania.
Vivian: Her grandparents passed away five years ago.
George: Yes, they did. I was covering. Elaine has been deported back to Scotland.
Vivian: She's an American citizen. I have seen her passport.
George: All right, no more lies. Elaine has been chosen to represent the Upper West Side in the next Biosphere project.
Vivian: I haven't heard anything about another Biosphere.
George: That's because it's underwater.
Vivian: This is insane.
George: Is it?
Vivian: Yes, it it.
George: Well, it's all for charity, so what's the difference?

Quote from Morty Seinfeld

Jerry: Are you sure you can't stay longer?
Morty Seinfeld: No, we just came up for the funeral.
Helen Seinfeld: Poor Marvin Kessler. He went too early.
Jerry: He was ninety-six years old.
Morty Seinfeld: That had nothing to do with it, the man was out of shape.
Helen Seinfeld: That's why we joined a program. We walk once around the block three times a week.
Morty Seinfeld: And every morning I eat a plum.
Jerry: Well, what ever you do, you're wearing me out.

Quote from George

Jerry: What happened? I thought you were with Tara tonight?
George: I was. I had to leave. She lit this vanilla incense. The smell drove me nuts. All I could think about was food. I had to get out of there. We're gonna need some pudding here! Pudding!
Elaine: You just left? What did you tell her?
George: I told her I had a bus transfer that was only good just for another hour.
Jerry: What?
George: I don't know. I was starving Jerry!

Quote from George

Jerry: Didn't go for it, huh?
George: No.
Jerry: So, she didn't appreciate the erotic qualities of the salted-cured meats?
George: She tolerated the strawberries and the chocolate sauce... But, uh, it's not a meal, you know? Food and sex, those are my two passions. It's only natural to combine them.
Jerry: Natural? Sex is about love between a man and a woman, not a man and a sandwich.
George: Jerry, I'm not suggesting getting rid of the girl. She's integral.
Jerry: Maybe instead of trying to satisfy two of your needs, how about satisfying one of somebody else's?

Quote from George

George: Hey, speaking of which, I found a great way to separate the skin from the top of the pudding without leaving any around the edges: Exacto knife.
Jerry: I told you George, no more pudding. I'm starting a purification program. Keep all that kind of food away from me.
George: Well, I guess these would be out of the question. [pulls out two pudding skins in plastic bags.]
Jerry: What the hell is that?
George: Pudding skin singles.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Hey, buddy, I'm borrowing all your Tupperware.
Jerry: Oh. Why?
Kramer: Well, I closed down my account at the blood bank.
Jerry: What, it's here? It's here in the building?
Kramer: Right across the hall. What, you wanna go see it?
Jerry: No, I don't! In fact, if even one corpuscle of that blood should find its way across that hall I will freak out on you, Kramer! Freak out.
Kramer: You know, for a fat guy, you're not very jolly.

Quote from Kramer

Elaine: Hey, working out?
Jerry: You know it and I ditched all my junk food.
Kramer: [looking in the fridge] What the heck is going on here?
Jerry: Sorry, buddy. Clean house. It's all health food.
Kramer: [holding an array of vegetables] Well, I may have to take it, but I don't have to like it.

Quote from Kramer

Elaine: [on the phone] Vivian, hi, it's Elaine. Yeah, I'm over at Jerry's. I got your message. What? Yeah, he's right here. Hold on. [hands phone to Kramer]
Kramer: For me? [on the phone] Go... Yeah, what tonight? Yeah, I'll be there...Yeah later. [hangs up] Well, somebody's baby-sitting.
Elaine: You? I'm more responsible than you are!
Kramer: Don't be ridiculous. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to fill my freezer with my own blood.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Aah!
Kramer: It's okay, Jerry. I'm right here.
Jerry: I can see that. What happened?
Kramer: That knife, it nicked your jugular. You know Jerry, when somebody yells "Heads up", you're not supposed to actually look up.
Jerry: I'll remember that.
Kramer: Anyway, you were lucky that I was there. You lost a lot of blood.
Jerry: What?
Kramer: Oh, yeah. You've got three pints of Kramer in you, buddy.
[After Jerry starts to scream, Kramer joins in]

Quote from Elaine

Jerry: Hey, how was baby-sitting?
Elaine: Oh, just great. I found out that Vivian has some kind of medical problem and if the worst happens she wants me to take care of Jimmy.
Jerry: Oh, I'm sure it won't be the worst.
Elaine: It doesn't matter. I mean, if anything happens to her, I'm on deck! Scissors mishap, air show disaster, Chinese organ thieves. It's a dangerous world.
George: She's right. I heard Kramer got mugged out on the suburbs on a baby-sitting gig.
Jerry: Really?

Quote from Jerry

Izzy: Hello, dough boy.
Jerry: Mr. Mandelbaum? You're the personal trainer?
Izzy: I'm here to whip you into shape. So grab your jocks, if you need one. It's go-time.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Ok, Mr. Mandelbaum, what you want me to do?
Izzy: Drop your purse, honey, and pick up that medicine ball.
Jerry: Is this a gym or some kind of fitness museum?
Izzy: Not funny. Over your head with it. Are you ready?
Jerry: For what?
Izzy: All aboard the pain train!
[Wearing boxing gloves, Mr. Mandelbaum starts hitting Jerry in the stomach. Jerry shows no reaction.]
Jerry: How many session did my parents paid for?
Izzy: Not enough to make a man of you, daffodil.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Blood over there, sausages over here. I'm living in a slaughter house.
Izzy: [enters] Tonight, I want you to sleep on this. Toughens the vertebrae. What in holy hell? Sausages? Is this your diet?
Jerry: No, they're not mine Mr. Mandelbaum.
Izzy: Don't lie to me, butterbean. We're taking it up a notch.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: I can't believe I got another session with Izzy Mandelbaum. He's probably gonna make me box a kangaroo.

Quote from George

Jerry: What's going on?
George: I don't know. This sandwich is making me flush.
Jerry: Oh, no. I'll tell you what you did, Caligula. You've combined food and sex in to one disgusting, uncontrollable urge.
George: I think you're right. You gonna eat that?
Jerry: No, but please tell me that's all you're gonna do with it.

Quote from Newman

Jerry: You put blood in the car?!
Kramer: Jerry, it was overheating. You should take better care of that thing.
Jerry: Well, they told me that I got more blood. So I guess I owe you again.
Kramer: You didn't get the blood from me.
Jerry: Then who?
[Newman comes in with a Band-Aid on his arm and an "I Gave Blood" badge on his chest]
Newman: Hello, Jerry.
Jerry: [screams]
Jerry and Kramer: [scream]
Jerry, Kramer and Newman: [scream]


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