Jerry: And what if I did do it? Even though I admit to nothing, and never will. What does that make me? And I'm not here just defending myself but all those pickers out there who've been caught. [Tia gets in the elevator] Each and every one of them, who has to suffer the shame and humiliation because of people like you.. Are we not human?! If we pick, do we not bleed?! [elevator doors close, Jerry addresses the crowd] I am not an animal!

Susan Ross: I just don't think we have anything in common.
George: That's okay. That's good. You think Louie Pasteur and his wife had anything in common? He was in the fields all day with the cows, you know and the milk, examining the milk, delving into milk, consumed with milk. Pasteurization. Homogenization. She was in the kitchen killing cockroaches with a boot on each hand.
Susan Ross: Why were there so many cockroaches?
George: Because. There was a lot of cake lying around the house. Just sitting there going with all the excess milk from all the experiment. [grins]
Susan Ross: And they got along?
George: Yes! Yes. You know. She didn't know about pasteurization. He didn't know about fumigation. But they made it work!

Elaine: Anyway, so Fred and I are going to do some volunteer work for that church on Amsterdam.
Jerry: Oh, volunteer work. See that's what I like about the holiday season. That's the true spirit of Christmas. People being helped by people other than me. That makes me feel good inside.

George: Was there any nostril penetration?
Jerry: There may have been some incidental penetration. But from her angle, she was in no position to make the call.
George: So let's say, in her mind, she witnessed a pick. Okay, so then what?
Jerry: Is that so unforgivable? Is that like breaking a commandment? Did God say to Moses, "Thou shalt not pick"?
George: I guarantee you Moses was a picker. You wander through the desert for forty years with that dry air... You telling me you're not going to have occasion to clean house a little bit?
Jerry: Let me ask you something. If you were going out with somebody and if she did that what would, would you do? Would you continue going out with her?
George: No, that's disgusting!

George: It'll be different this time.
Susan Ross: I need someone a little more stable.
George: I'm not stable? I'm like a rock. I take these glasses off, you can't tell the difference between me and a rock. I put these glasses on a rock. You know what jumps into most people's minds? Costanza!
Susan Ross: People don't change.
George: I change. I change. Two weeks ago, I tried a soft boiled egg. Never liked it before. Now, I'm dunking a piece of toast in there and I'm loving it.
Susan Ross: I'm not a soft boiled egg.
George: And I am not a piece of toast.

Elaine: I did not bare myself deliberately, but I tell you, I wish now that I had! Because it is not me that has been exposed, but you! For I have seen the nipple on your soul!

Jerry: Well, every day for the past four days she hasn't returned one call.
George: Was it a scratch... or a pick?
Jerry: It was a scratch.
George: Hey, it's me.
Jerry: Don't you think I know the difference between a pick and a scratch?

George: A beautiful successful intelligent woman's in love with me and I throw it all away. Uh, oh, boy. Now I'll spend the rest of my life living alone. I'll sit in my disgusting little apartment watching basketball games, eating Chinese take out, walking around with no underwear because I'm too lazy to do a laundry.
Jerry: You walk around with no underwear?
George: Yeah, what do you do when you run out of laundry?
Jerry: I do a wash.

Jerry: Did you look at look at this picture carefully?
Elaine: Carefully?
Jerry: Because I'm not sure, and... And correct me if I'm wrong but I think I see... a nipple.
Elaine: What?
Jerry: Here. Take a look. What, what is that?
Elaine: [gasps] Oh my God! That's my nipple.
Jerry: That's what I thought.
Elaine: That's my nipple. My nipple's exposed. I sent this card to hundreds of people! My parents. My boss. Uh, Nana and Papa.
Jerry: Didn't you look at the picture?
Elaine: Oh, God, I didn't notice. Oh, what am I going to do? You know your whole life you go through painstaking efforts to hide your nipple and then boom! Suddenly hundreds of people get their own personal shot of it.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: So, I went to a fashion show. First of all, the whole concept of modeling is counterproductive to the fashion industry. Because when these women are around, who's looking at clothes? I didn't notice any of the clothes. We're all applauding. Yeah. What are we applauding? "Yeah, there's great looking women here. Yeah, this is great. I'm glad I'm here in this room with all these great looking women." Anybody can design a shirt. It takes talent to get all these girls in one spot. That's talent. What is this goofy that the models do? You know, this walk that they do down the runway? This, like they have to go somewhere. You know, they're walking like they're really on the way somewhere. You know, then they get to the end and it's like, "Well, I guess I'll just go back."