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‘The Pick’ Quotes

Seinfeld: The Pick

413. The Pick

Aired December 16, 1992

Kramer talks Elaine into sending out a personalized Christmas card. Jerry is caught in an unfortunate position by the model he's going out with. Kramer is outraged when Calvin Klein launches a perfume inspired by the beach. Meanwhile, George tries to get back together with Susan. 

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: And what if I did do it? Even though I admit to nothing, and never will. What does that make me? And I'm not here just defending myself but all those pickers out there who've been caught. [Tia gets in the elevator] Each and every one of them, who has to suffer the shame and humiliation because of people like you.. Are we not human?! If we pick, do we not bleed?! [elevator doors close, Jerry addresses the crowd] I am not an animal!

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Quote from George

Susan Ross: I just don't think we have anything in common.
George: That's okay. That's good. You think Louie Pasteur and his wife had anything in common? He was in the fields all day with the cows, you know and the milk, examining the milk, delving into milk, consumed with milk. Pasteurization. Homogenization. She was in the kitchen killing cockroaches with a boot on each hand.
Susan Ross: Why were there so many cockroaches?
George: Because. There was a lot of cake lying around the house. Just sitting there going with all the excess milk from all the experiment. [grins]
Susan Ross: And they got along?
George: Yes! Yes. You know. She didn't know about pasteurization. He didn't know about fumigation. But they made it work!

Quote from Jerry

Elaine: Anyway, so Fred and I are going to do some volunteer work for that church on Amsterdam.
Jerry: Oh, volunteer work. See that's what I like about the holiday season. That's the true spirit of Christmas. People being helped by people other than me. That makes me feel good inside.

Quote from George

George: Was there any nostril penetration?
Jerry: There may have been some incidental penetration. But from her angle, she was in no position to make the call.
George: So let's say, in her mind, she witnessed a pick. Okay, so then what?
Jerry: Is that so unforgivable? Is that like breaking a commandment? Did God say to Moses, "Thou shalt not pick"?
George: I guarantee you Moses was a picker. You wander through the desert for forty years with that dry air... You telling me you're not going to have occasion to clean house a little bit?
Jerry: Let me ask you something. If you were going out with somebody and if she did that what would, would you do? Would you continue going out with her?
George: No, that's disgusting!

Quote from George

George: It'll be different this time.
Susan Ross: I need someone a little more stable.
George: I'm not stable? I'm like a rock. I take these glasses off, you can't tell the difference between me and a rock. I put these glasses on a rock. You know what jumps into most people's minds? Costanza!
Susan Ross: People don't change.
George: I change. I change. Two weeks ago, I tried a soft boiled egg. Never liked it before. Now, I'm dunking a piece of toast in there and I'm loving it.
Susan Ross: I'm not a soft boiled egg.
George: And I am not a piece of toast.

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: I did not bare myself deliberately, but I tell you, I wish now that I had! Because it is not me that has been exposed, but you! For I have seen the nipple on your soul!

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Well, every day for the past four days she hasn't returned one call.
George: Was it a scratch... or a pick?
Jerry: It was a scratch.
George: Hey, it's me.
Jerry: Don't you think I know the difference between a pick and a scratch?

Quote from George

George: A beautiful successful intelligent woman's in love with me and I throw it all away. Uh, oh, boy. Now I'll spend the rest of my life living alone. I'll sit in my disgusting little apartment watching basketball games, eating Chinese take out, walking around with no underwear because I'm too lazy to do a laundry.
Jerry: You walk around with no underwear?
George: Yeah, what do you do when you run out of laundry?
Jerry: I do a wash.

Quote from Elaine

Jerry: Did you look at look at this picture carefully?
Elaine: Carefully?
Jerry: Because I'm not sure, and... And correct me if I'm wrong but I think I see... a nipple.
Elaine: What?
Jerry: Here. Take a look. What, what is that?
Elaine: [gasps] Oh my God! That's my nipple.
Jerry: That's what I thought.
Elaine: That's my nipple. My nipple's exposed. I sent this card to hundreds of people! My parents. My boss. Uh, Nana and Papa.
Jerry: Didn't you look at the picture?
Elaine: Oh, God, I didn't notice. Oh, what am I going to do? You know your whole life you go through painstaking efforts to hide your nipple and then boom! Suddenly hundreds of people get their own personal shot of it.

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: So, I went to a fashion show. First of all, the whole concept of modeling is counterproductive to the fashion industry. Because when these women are around, who's looking at clothes? I didn't notice any of the clothes. We're all applauding. Yeah. What are we applauding? "Yeah, there's great looking women here. Yeah, this is great. I'm glad I'm here in this room with all these great looking women." Anybody can design a shirt. It takes talent to get all these girls in one spot. That's talent. What is this goofy that the models do? You know, this walk that they do down the runway? This, like they have to go somewhere. You know, they're walking like they're really on the way somewhere. You know, then they get to the end and it's like, "Well, I guess I'll just go back."

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Just wait over here Just wait here and I'll get it for you. Kramer, this is Tia.
Kramer: Hello.
[Jerry pushes Tia back away from Kramer]
Kramer: How tall are you?
Tia: 5'10"".
Kramer: Come on, let's see. Back-to-back.
Jerry: No, Kramer!
Kramer: What's the matter with you? I just wanted to see how tall she was.
Jerry: Oh, you're tall. She's tall. I'm tall. What's the difference who's tall? We're all tall.
Kramer: What's that?
Jerry: What?
Kramer: That smell. What's that smell?
Jerry: [starts the Dust Buster] What smell?
Kramer: It's very familiar. I can't put my finger on it. It's very familiar.
Jerry: Oh, they're all the same. Here. Now if you'll excuse us...

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: [o.s.] The Beach! [enters] You smell like the beach. What's the name of that perfume? you're wearing.
Tia: It's Ocean by Calvin Klein.
Kramer: Calvin Klein? No, no. That's my idea. They, they stole my idea. You see, I had the idea of a cologne that makes you smell like you just came from the beach.
Jerry: I know look at this.
Kramer: Whoo! That's you! What is going on here? The jerk! He laughs at me then he steals my idea. I could have been a millionaire. I could have been a fragrance millionaire, Jerry. They're not going to get away with this.

Quote from George

Dana: Hello. George, come in. Come in. I've heard an awful lot about you. Please sit down.
George: Well, hello. Um, ah, specifically the reason that I'm here... Uh, I don't know uh what Elaine told you, but uh I broke up with my girlfriend a couple of weeks ago. Actually, she broke up with me... [struggles with coat zipper] And uh, well, I was the cause of it and uh, I just wanted to find out from you ... What's with this thing?
Dana: So uh, she broke up with you?
George: Yeah, and... Why won't this go down?
Dana: It's all right don't worry about it. So, why did she break up with you?
George: What is with this damn zipper?
Dana: It doesn't matter. You'll fix it later. Tell me about your girlfriend.
George: It's stuck on a piece of cloth here. I can't get the cloth out.
Dana: It doesn't matter.
George: Oh, this is a brand new jacket. Boy, this really burns me up!
Dana: George. George, look at me. Okay, forget about the zipper. What's your girlfriend's name?
George: Susan.
Dana: Okay, we're getting somewhere.
George: [chuckles] It's just so frustrating. It's a brand new jacket. [tries to remove jacket over his head]

Quote from Newman

Newman: Okay. What is it?
Jerry: Take a look at this card. Tell me if you notice anything unusual about it.
Newman: Yeah, your nipple's showing.
Jerry: Okay. Thanks.
Newman: Anything else?
Jerry: No.
Newman: All right. See you later.

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: You cannot believe what I'm going through. That card is plastered all over the office. Everybody is calling me, Nip! Yeah, that's my new nickname at the office. Nip! These guys keep asking me out for drinks. Not only that. Fred, you know the guy I told you about? He hasn't called me in three days. ... [sees card] Oh, hey!
George: Hey. How come I didn't get a Christmas card? Everybody else got one. Jerry got one, Kramer got one. I thought we were good friends. I don't get a Christmas card. I don't get it.
Elaine: You want a Christmas card? You want a Christmas card? All right here. [plants George's head in her bosom] Here's your Christmas card.

Quote from Kramer

Tia: Kramer?
Kramer: Yeah, uh.
Calvin Klein: Who are you?
Kramer: I'm here to talk about the ocean.
Calvin Klein: Oh, yes, Kramer. I uh, think I know something about this. Will you excuse us Tia? [Tia leaves]
Kramer: Now I don't want any trouble, Calvin.
Calvin Klein: Neither do I.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: All right, now here's the scoop, Calvin. I, uh, I came in here last January to talk to one of your flunkies..
Calvin Klein: [talking about Kramer] Interesting face..
Kramer: Yeah. And, um, when I told him my idea about the beach cologne, you know, he... he laughed at me.
Calvin Klein: You're very lithe, aren't you? Very graceful.
Kramer: Well, yeah.
Calvin Klein: Sit down, eh? You're very lean, but muscular..
Kramer: You know, I try to take care of myself. I- I watch what I eat. Ah, just recently I cut out fructose.
Calvin Klein: You're spectacular.
Kramer: Oh?

Quote from Kramer

Woman: About the focus group? I had nothing to do with the focus group. What's your point?
[Kramer enters the room wearing only white tighty whiteys, black dress shoes and white socks]
Kramer: Oh, yeah.
Woman: My. He's sexual, athletic, and without a trace of self-consciousness!
Calvin Klein: His buttocks are sublime!
Man: Of course, his pectorals could use a little work. I suppose we could get him into the weight room.
Woman: No, let's get him in the studio today. We can send these out immediately.
[Kramer casually places his hand on the wall, hoping to lean against it. Unfortunately, the wall is curved, so he slides and falls to the ground]
Man: You've done it again, C.K.!

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: The human body is a lot of maintenance. It's a lot of showering, a lot of shaving, a lot of cleaning, a lot of clipping, a lot of checking. If your body was a car, you wouldn't buy it. It's too much upkeep. It's a pain. But women definitely go to the absolute extreme. To me, it's amazing the way women take care of all the hair on their bodies. One of the great mysteries to me is the fact that a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.


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