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‘The Soul Mate’ Quotes

Seinfeld: The Soul Mate

802. The Soul Mate

Aired September 26, 1996

Kramer falls for the woman Jerry is dating. George thinks the people at Susan's foundation suspect him of foul play. Elaine is excited to meet a man who doesn't want children.

Quote from Newman

Jerry: I can't believe I'm losing Pam.
Newman: I know how you feel. For I, too, have a woman for whom I pine.
Jerry: I thought we were talking about me.
Newman: Right.
Jerry: Anyway, I don't need your help.
Newman: Oh, don't you, joke boy? You really think you can manipulate that beautiful young woman like the half-soused nightclub rabble that lap up your inane "observations"?

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Quote from Newman

Pam: Oh, hi! Kramer.
Newman: [whispers to Kramer] Hi. How are you?
Kramer: Hi. How are you?
Pam: I'm great.
Newman: I too am well.
Kramer: I too am well.
Newman: Do I smell Pantene?
Kramer: Do I smell?
Newman: Pantene!
Kramer: Uh, Pantene.
Pam: Oh, my shampoo. Yeah, it is Pantene, I got a free sample in with my junk mail.
Kramer: Well, there really is no junk-mail. Well, everybody wants to get a check or a birthday card, but...
Newman: It requires just as much man-power to deliver it as their precious little greeting cards.

Quote from George

Jerry: Just give me some idea of what you think it could be.
George: I don't know if you're ready for it.
Jerry: Please.
George: I believe that I am about to become the target of a systematic process of intimidation and manipulation, the likes of which you have never-
Jerry: Hold it, hold it! You're right, I'm not ready for this.

Quote from George

Jerry: All right, it's Pam, you gotta get going.
George: I'm not through here, Jerry. I'm gonna keep on investigating. This thing is like an onion. The more layers you peel, the more it stinks.

Quote from Elaine

Jerry: Why do you invite these women over if they annoy you so much?
Elaine: Well, they're my friends, but they act as if having a baby takes some kind of talent.
Jerry: Come on, you want to have a baby.
Elaine: Why? Because I can?
Jerry: It's the life force. I saw a show on the mollusk last night. Elaine, the mollusk travels from Alaska to Chile just for a shot at another mollusk. You think you're any better?
Elaine: Yes, I think I am better than the mollusk!

Quote from George

George: There are some people in this room who would have been very happy to never see this briefcase again. There are people in this room who think they can destroy other people's property and get away with it. Well, let me tell you something about those people. They weren't counting on this brain! And this tape recorder.
Wyck: George...
George: You'll have your turn! The truth must be heard. [plays back tape] That's all there was. And yet, it speaks volumes. A low rumple. A metallic 'squink.' A 'glonk.' Someone crying out..."Dear God!" Let's start with, uh, with you, Wyck.
Wyck: George, Quinn here was moving a chair, he lost his balance and dropped it. It must have fallen on your briefcase, which, for some reason, contained a running tape recorder?
George: All right, then. We've gotten to the bottom of that.

Quote from George

George: You want me to find a poem about Susan?! May she rest in peace.
Wyck: Well, we think it would be a nice touch for the Foundation literature. Do you have a favorite poet, George?
George: I like, uh.. [mumbles] Flavman.
Wyck: Pardon?
George: Flavman.
Wyck: Well, you should choose the poem since you knew Susan best at the time of her unfortunate [clears his throat] accident.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: So, Elaine was telling me about this piece of whitefish she had the other day...
George: Do you really think I'm wrong about this Wyck guy?
Jerry: You know, if you really want to test him out, why don't you try the old Jerry Lewis trick?
George: Jerry Lewis?
Jerry: I heard that when Jerry Lewis left a meeting, he'd purposefully leave a briefcase with a tape recorder in it. Then after five minutes, he'd come back for it and listen to what everyone said about him.
George: That's pretty paranoid.
Jerry: Yes, it is.
George: I like it!
Jerry: I thought you might.

Quote from Newman

Newman: Jerry. What could she possibly see in Jerry?
Kramer: She has delicate beauty.
Newman: Jerry wouldn't know delicate beauty if it bludgeoned him over the head.
Kramer: And yet, he's my friend.
Newman: And therein lies the tragedy. For I believe, sadly for you, that there is but one woman meant for each of us. One perfect angel for whom we are put on this earth.
Kramer: Aw, that's beautiful, Newman.
Newman: One winsome tulip we ceaselessly yearn for throughout our dreary, workaday lives! And you, my friend, have found your angel. I can tell. For my heart has also been captured by a breathless beauty, whom I fear I will never possess.
Kramer: I thought we were talking about me.

Quote from George

George: I, uh, should have a poem very soon now.
Wyck: Are you okay, George?
George: [taking a tissue from his briefcase] No, no, not really. Ever since Susan passed on, I have good days and bad. [turns to the woman to his left and places the suitcase down] Some days, I'm haunted by one word why. Why Susan? Why wasn't it me licking those invitations? Why am I still here? Well, I gotta run. [gets up, leaves]

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: So, what's on your mind?
Kramer: It's Pam.
Jerry: Pam? What about Pam?
Kramer: I love her, Jerry!
Jerry: You what?
Kramer: I love her!
Jerry: Is that right?
Kramer: Oh, she's uh... She's real. She can bring home the bacon and fry it in the pan.
Jerry: What does that mean?

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Oh, and that voice!
Jerry: What about her name?
Kramer: Pam? Oh, it's a beautiful name. Pam. Pam. Pam!
Jerry: She's got really nice hair.
Kramer: Oh, it's incredible. Although, I might replace her tortoise clip with one of those velvet scrunchies. I love those.
Jerry: You've got really specific tastes.
Kramer: Oh, I know what I want, Jerry.

Quote from Elaine

Jerry: That Pam, I am gaga over her.
Elaine: Gaga? When did that happen?
Jerry: Yesterday. Six-ish.
Elaine: Well, maybe we should double. I'm pretty gaga myself.
Jerry: You just met the guy yesterday.
Elaine: Yeah, but we have a common goal.
Jerry: A barren, sterile existence that ends when you die?
Elaine: [dreamily] Yeah.

Quote from George

George: You really believe this guy doesn't want to have kids?
Elaine: Yeah, of course.
Jerry: Elaine, a guy'll say anything to get a woman.
Elaine: Oh, please. He wouldn't say that.
George: Elaine, I once told a woman that I coined the phrase, "Pardon my French."
Jerry: I once told a woman that I don't eat cake 'cause it goes right to my thighs.
George: I once told a woman that I really enjoy spending time with my family.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: [elbows the book case] Newman!
Pam: What?
Kramer: Uh, human. It's...human to be moved by a fragrance.
Pam: That's so true.
Kramer: Her bouquet cleaved his hardened...
Newman: Shell.
Kramer: ... shell. And fondled his muscled heart. He imbibed her glistening spell... just before the other shoe... fell.
Pam: Kramer, that is so lovely.
Kramer: It's by an unknown 20th-century poet.
Pam: Oh, what's his name?
Kramer: Newman.

Quote from George

George: This is a crude mock-up of the conference room. 1/14th scale.
Jerry: When did you build this thing?
George: Yesterday, took the day off. [picks up a Red Power Ranger] Now, from the time I left the room...
Jerry: Wait, that's you?
George: Yeah.
Jerry: [picks up Yellow M&M figure] I think the M&M should be you.
George: All right, whatever!

Quote from George

George: ...he imbibed her glistening spell... just before the other shoe... fell.
Wyck: Is that a Keats poem?
George: No, it's a Newman. Well, I gotta run. [smiles, pats briefcase, exits]
Wyck: Does anyone think George might have murdered Susan?
Mr. Cross: Oh, yeah. I just assumed he murdered her.
Ms. Baines: Of course he killed her.
Wyck: So it's not just me, then. All right, back to business.


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