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‘The Hot Tub’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

Seinfeld: The Hot Tub

705. The Hot Tub

Aired October 19, 1995

George's boss worries he's stressing out on the job because he purposely looks annoyed all the time. Elaine agrees to host a marathon runner who once slept through his alarm and missed an important race. Meanwhile, Kramer installs a hot tub in his apartment.

Quote from George

Jerry: I thought that new promotion was supposed to be a lot more work.
George: Yeah, when the season starts. Right now, I sit around pretending that I'm busy.
Jerry: How do you pull that off?
George: I always look annoyed. Yeah, when you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy. Think about it... [looks annoyed]
Elaine: Yeah, you do. He looks very busy.
Jerry: Yeah, he looks busy.
George: I know what I'm doing. In fact, Mr. Wilhelm gave me one of those little stress dolls. All right. [gets up] Back to work. [looks annoyed and leaves]

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Quote from Mr. Steinbrenner

Mr. Steinbrenner: How are you enjoying it, George? Melts that tension away, doesn't it? You gotta get that jet on the good spot. Oh. Oh. Uh. Uh. Yes, that feels good. Yes, that's real good. Oh yeah, that's where I keep all my tension. Right down to that chicken bone. Sometimes I get my wife to just stuck her thumb right in there like a screwdriver. You know, the Phillips head, not the flat one. Oh God, those flat ones frustrate me. You got it in, but it slips out. You put it in again, slips out again. You a single man, George?
George: Well, I-I just recently uh...
Mr. Steinbrenner: I'll tell you, if you wanna get something wild going on in your life, you get a girl and bring her to one of these things. It's like four shots of wild turkey. She'll think you're Hopalong Cassidy. It was terrible about that Mickey Mantle, wasn't it? You know, we used to talk. I don't think he liked me very much, you know.

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: He overslept and missed the whole race. Isn't that amazing?
George: I'll tell you what happened. I bet he got the AM/PM mixed-up.
Jerry: My money's on the snooze. I bet he hit the snooze for an extra 5 and it never came back on. [Kramer enters] Imagine your whole life riding on an alarm clock.
Kramer: Alarm clocks? I never use them. Don't trust them.
Jerry: What do you do?
Kramer: I have a, uh, mental alarm. I set my head for quarter to seven and... [pop] I get up!
Jerry: Always works?
Kramer: Oh, it never fails. See, it's based on your body clock. See, your body has an internal mechanism. It knows what time it is.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Lomez, he sold me his hot tub.
Jerry: Hot tub?
Kramer: Yeah, yeah. It's in my living room. I just gotta fill it.
George: You put a hot tub in your living room?
Kramer: Oh, it's a beauty! It's got these high-volume accusage jets oscillating and pulsating, soothing your every aching muscle. The water's gonna get over 120 degrees!
George: Is that tolerable?
Kramer: Oh, it's tolerable...!
Jerry: Isn't that the same temperature the coffee that scalded you?
Kramer: Oh, I think it's a little cooler than that. [exits]
George: He, uh, doesn't have any running water?
Jerry: I don't ask those kind of questions anymore.

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: Kramer, I'm telling you, Elaine doesn't know what hell she's doing! I've got to take over this whole operation!
Kramer: Jerry, look how tense you are. You need to take a soak.
Jerry: I'm not taking a soak in that human bacteria frappe you've got going there.
Kramer: Come on, I'm tellin' you, it's great. I opened up all the windows. The air is cold, the tub is boiling hot. It's like Sweden, man. Sweden!

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: [inner monologue] Oh, I'm exhausted. I've been on this street a thousand times! It's never looked so strange! The faces, so cold! In the distance, a child is crying. Fatherless. A bastard child, perhaps. My back aches. My heart aches. But my feet, [looks down] my feet are resilient! [smiles] Thank God I took off my heels, and put on my Himalayan walking shoes. [lifts arms in victory]

Quote from Mr. Steinbrenner

George: You wanted to see me, Mr. Steinbrenner?
Mr. Steinbrenner: Yes, George, come in, come in. George, word has it you've been cracking under the pressure. Can't cope, can't stand the heat. Spit the bit.
George: Mr. Steinbrenner, I can explain...
Mr. Steinbrenner: Oh, we all get a little cuckoo sometimes, George, I used to be like you. Beating personnel 'till they cried, calling managers on the field during a game, threatening to move the team to New Jersey just to upset people. Then I found a way to relax. I've got two words to say to you, George. Hot tub.

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: I always feel bad for the silver medal winner in the Olympics. I mean, how do you live with that the rest of your life? People are gonna keep asking you, how much did you lose by? I don't even know. It was like from nopw to now. Now to now. Now, now, now. It was...! Eh, it was... and I lost. I trained, I worked out, I exercised, I did everything, I was doing push-ups, sit-ups, I never did anything but exercise and work out for 20 years, I flew half way around the world.... And that was it. It was a photo-finish! Silver, gold. If I had a pimple, I would've won.

Quote from George

Jerry: I can't believe you write for this J. Peterman catalog. [to George] Get this one: "I packed my rod and reel. 30 hours later, lost in the fjord, a welcoming smile. Thank god she spotted the epaulets on my Norwegian ice-fishing vest".
George: This catalog is all about how to score in a foreign country.
Elaine: Yeah. What do you do all day?
George: Not that much.

Quote from Elaine

Jerry: So did you come up with a little stupid story for the Himalayan walking shoe yet?
Elaine: No. I'm completely blocked! In fact, I'm gonna work on it tonight. Oh. Oh no! Oh, I can't! I got that marathon runner coming in tonight.
Jerry: What marathon runner?
Elaine: You know, this guy, Jean-Paul, Jean-Paul. I met him when I was working at Pendant, editing a book on running.
Jerry: Oh, wait! Jean-Paul, Jean-Paul! Isn't he the guy who overslept at the Olympics 4 years ago and missed the marathon?!
Elaine: Yeah, that's him.
Jerry: He's from, uh, Trinidad and Tobago, right?
Elaine: Yeah, he's Trinidadian and... Tobagan.

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