Donald: [o.s.] Okay, history. This is for the game. How you doing over there? Not too good.
George: All right, bubble boy. Let's just play. "Who invaded Spain in the 8th century?"
Donald: That's a joke. The Moors.
George: Oh, no. I'm so sorry. It's the "Moops". The correct answer is, the "Moops".
Donald: Moops? Let me see that. [takes card with gloved hand] That's not Moops, you jerk. That's Moors. It's a misprint.
George: I'm sorry. The card says Moops.
Donald: It doesn't matter. It's Moors. There's no Moops.
George: It's Moops.

Mel Sanger: Excuse me. Anyway, we were watching you on TV.
Jerry: You get in the bubble with him?
Mel Sanger: No. He can see through the bubble. It's plastic.
Jerry: Oh, I thought it was like an igloo.
Mel Sanger: No, it's clear.
Jerry: Ah-ha.
Elaine: Who has the remote?
Mel Sanger: He does.
Elaine: The remote goes through the bubble?
Mel Sanger: Yeah, he's in the bubble with the remote.
Jerry: So you have no control over the remote?
Mel Sanger: No, it's frustrating.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: Have you ever called someone up and you're disappointed when they answer the phone? You wanted the machine! You know, and you're always kind of thrown off. You go, "Oh, I didn't know you were there. I just wanted to leave you a message saying, 'Sorry I missed you.'" So here what we have is two people hate each other, don't ever really want to talk, but the phone machine is like this relationship respirator keeping these marginal, brain-dead relationships alive. And we all do it. Why? So that when we come home, you can see that little flashing red light. All right, messages. See, people need that. It's very important for human beings to feel popular and well-liked amongst a large group of people we don't care for.

Mel Sanger: My name's Sanger. Mel Sanger. I drive that truck out there.
Jerry: Oh, the Yoo-hoo? I love Yoo-hoo.
Mel Sanger: Yes, it's a fine product. Anyway I saw you on The Tonight Show a couple of weeks ago. I was watching the show with my son Donald. He's got this rare immune deficiency in his blood. It's the damnedest thing. Doctors say he has to live in a plastic bubble. Can you imagine that? A bubble.
Jerry: A bubble?
Elaine: A bubble?
Mel Sanger: Yes, a bubble. Do you mind? May I?
Elaine: Oh, sure.
Mel Sanger: [sits down] Ah, it'd break your heart seeing him in there. It's like a prisoner. No friends. Just his mother and me. And I'm out there six days a week haulin' Yoo-hoo. We have sacrificed everything. All for our little bubble boy. [tears up] Excuse me.
Elaine: Here.
[After Elaine passes out paper tissues, Mel and Elaine wipe the tears from their eyes. Jerry wipes food from his mouth.]

Mel Sanger: So anyway, you're his favorite comedian. he laughed so hard the other night we had to give him an extra shot of hemoglobin.
Jerry: Oh, that's nice!
Mel Sanger: Tomorrow is his birthday and it would mean so much to him if you could find it in your heart to pay him a visit and just say hello.
Jerry: Huh. Well, tomorrow, I...
Elaine: Jerry! Of course he'd pay him a visit. You'd be happy to.
Jerry: Yeah, uh, okay. Uh, tomorrow. Uh, where do you live, uh, up town? Upper West Side?
Mel Sanger: Up state.
Jerry: Up state. Hmm.

Jerry: He's a bubble boy.
George: A bubble boy?
Jerry: Yes, a bubble boy.
Susan Ross: What's a bubble boy?
Jerry: He lives in a bubble.
George: Boy.
Susan Ross: So, what kind of a bubble? Like an igloo?
Jerry: No, that's what I thought. But apparently it's just a big piece of plastic dividing the room.
Susan Ross: Oh.
George: What kind of plastic do you think it is? What do you think, like that dry cleaning plastic?
Jerry: That's no good. He wouldn't last ten minutes in there.

George: I can't go in there. I can't face the bubble boy.
Susan Ross: What's the matter?
George: I just don't react well to these situations. My grandmother died two months early because of the way I reacted in the hospital. She was getting better. And then I went to pay her a visit. She saw my face. Boom. That was the end of it.

[As the bubble boy strangles George with his gloved hands]
George: Help, someone.
Donald: [o.s.] There's no Moops, you idiot!
Susan Ross: Stop it. Let go of him!
Mrs. Sanger: Donald, stop it! Now, let go of him, Donald. Donald!
Donald: I'm going to kill him!
George: He's choking me.
Mrs. Sanger: Donald. Donald.
Donald: Moors! Say Moors!
George: Moops. Moops.
Mrs. Sanger: Donald, no. Stop it ..
[As Susan tries to hit away Donald's hands, there's a hissing sound. Donald's arms relax and let go of George's neck. George gives Donald a slight wave.]

[stand-up:]
Jerry: There's something very scary and exciting about fire. People always run to see a fire. They're proud if they have a fire place. I think that's what smoking is really all about. That's the power of smoking. It's just this thing, "I got fire right here in my hand. Smoke and fire is literally coming right out of my mouth." And it's very intimidating to the nonsmoker. Because it's like talking to someone going: "My head could open up. Lava could explode out. Pour right down my face. Doesn't bother me a bit." And a cigar is even worse. A cigar is like, "You think this end is bad. Look at this wet, disgusting, chewed-up nub, huh? How scary is that?"

[As Naomi sits down on the couch, Jerry walks over to the answer-phone and plays a message:]
George: [on machine] Jerry, it's George. Hey, hey are you all set foe the week end. This is going to be great. You're going to have a great time with Naomi. All right, you know she's got that laugh. What did you say? It's like Elmer Fudd sitting on a juicer? [Jerry rushes over to the machine and tries to stop the tape] Anyway, I was thinking we would take two cars up to the cabin and that way if one of wanted to stay you know... [Unable to get it to stop playing, Jerry pulls the machine out of the wall] This thing has never worked right.
Naomi: You think I laugh like Elmer Fudd sitting on a juicer?
Jerry: Well, first of all Elmer Fudd is one of the most beloved internationally known cartoon characters of all time. "I'm going to kill that cwazy wabbit... [laughs] " Come on. Not only that, a juicer is one of the healthiest ways... [Naomi exits] It makes the juice... [to himself] Extracts the pulp and the vitamins, for long life and vitality.