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‘The Bubble Boy’ Quotes

Seinfeld: The Bubble Boy

407. The Bubble Boy

Aired October 7, 1992

When George and Susan invite Jerry and Elaine to spend the weekend at her father's cabin, they first need to stop by a young fan of Jerry's who lives in a bubble.

Quote from George

Donald: [o.s.] Okay, history. This is for the game. How you doing over there? Not too good.
George: All right, bubble boy. Let's just play. "Who invaded Spain in the 8th century?"
Donald: That's a joke. The Moors.
George: Oh, no. I'm so sorry. It's the "Moops". The correct answer is, the "Moops".
Donald: Moops? Let me see that. [takes card with gloved hand] That's not Moops, you jerk. That's Moors. It's a misprint.
George: I'm sorry. The card says Moops.
Donald: It doesn't matter. It's Moors. There's no Moops.
George: It's Moops.

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Quote from Jerry

Mel Sanger: Excuse me. Anyway, we were watching you on TV.
Jerry: You get in the bubble with him?
Mel Sanger: No. He can see through the bubble. It's plastic.
Jerry: Oh, I thought it was like an igloo.
Mel Sanger: No, it's clear.
Jerry: Ah-ha.
Elaine: Who has the remote?
Mel Sanger: He does.
Elaine: The remote goes through the bubble?
Mel Sanger: Yeah, he's in the bubble with the remote.
Jerry: So you have no control over the remote?
Mel Sanger: No, it's frustrating.

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: Have you ever called someone up and you're disappointed when they answer the phone? You wanted the machine! You know, and you're always kind of thrown off. You go, "Oh, I didn't know you were there. I just wanted to leave you a message saying, 'Sorry I missed you.'" So here what we have is two people hate each other, don't ever really want to talk, but the phone machine is like this relationship respirator keeping these marginal, brain-dead relationships alive. And we all do it. Why? So that when we come home, you can see that little flashing red light. All right, messages. See, people need that. It's very important for human beings to feel popular and well-liked amongst a large group of people we don't care for.

Quote from Jerry

Mel Sanger: My name's Sanger. Mel Sanger. I drive that truck out there.
Jerry: Oh, the Yoo-hoo? I love Yoo-hoo.
Mel Sanger: Yes, it's a fine product. Anyway I saw you on The Tonight Show a couple of weeks ago. I was watching the show with my son Donald. He's got this rare immune deficiency in his blood. It's the damnedest thing. Doctors say he has to live in a plastic bubble. Can you imagine that? A bubble.
Jerry: A bubble?
Elaine: A bubble?
Mel Sanger: Yes, a bubble. Do you mind? May I?
Elaine: Oh, sure.
Mel Sanger: [sits down] Ah, it'd break your heart seeing him in there. It's like a prisoner. No friends. Just his mother and me. And I'm out there six days a week haulin' Yoo-hoo. We have sacrificed everything. All for our little bubble boy. [tears up] Excuse me.
Elaine: Here.
[After Elaine passes out paper tissues, Mel and Elaine wipe the tears from their eyes. Jerry wipes food from his mouth.]

Quote from Jerry

Mel Sanger: So anyway, you're his favorite comedian. he laughed so hard the other night we had to give him an extra shot of hemoglobin.
Jerry: Oh, that's nice!
Mel Sanger: Tomorrow is his birthday and it would mean so much to him if you could find it in your heart to pay him a visit and just say hello.
Jerry: Huh. Well, tomorrow, I...
Elaine: Jerry! Of course he'd pay him a visit. You'd be happy to.
Jerry: Yeah, uh, okay. Uh, tomorrow. Uh, where do you live, uh, up town? Upper West Side?
Mel Sanger: Up state.
Jerry: Up state. Hmm.

Quote from George

Jerry: He's a bubble boy.
George: A bubble boy?
Jerry: Yes, a bubble boy.
Susan Ross: What's a bubble boy?
Jerry: He lives in a bubble.
George: Boy.
Susan Ross: So, what kind of a bubble? Like an igloo?
Jerry: No, that's what I thought. But apparently it's just a big piece of plastic dividing the room.
Susan Ross: Oh.
George: What kind of plastic do you think it is? What do you think, like that dry cleaning plastic?
Jerry: That's no good. He wouldn't last ten minutes in there.

Quote from George

George: I can't go in there. I can't face the bubble boy.
Susan Ross: What's the matter?
George: I just don't react well to these situations. My grandmother died two months early because of the way I reacted in the hospital. She was getting better. And then I went to pay her a visit. She saw my face. Boom. That was the end of it.

Quote from George

[As the bubble boy strangles George with his gloved hands]
George: Help, someone.
Donald: [o.s.] There's no Moops, you idiot!
Susan Ross: Stop it. Let go of him!
Mrs. Sanger: Donald, stop it! Now, let go of him, Donald. Donald!
Donald: I'm going to kill him!
George: He's choking me.
Mrs. Sanger: Donald. Donald.
Donald: Moors! Say Moors!
George: Moops. Moops.
Mrs. Sanger: Donald, no. Stop it ..
[As Susan tries to hit away Donald's hands, there's a hissing sound. Donald's arms relax and let go of George's neck. George gives Donald a slight wave.]

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: There's something very scary and exciting about fire. People always run to see a fire. They're proud if they have a fire place. I think that's what smoking is really all about. That's the power of smoking. It's just this thing, "I got fire right here in my hand. Smoke and fire is literally coming right out of my mouth." And it's very intimidating to the nonsmoker. Because it's like talking to someone going: "My head could open up. Lava could explode out. Pour right down my face. Doesn't bother me a bit." And a cigar is even worse. A cigar is like, "You think this end is bad. Look at this wet, disgusting, chewed-up nub, huh? How scary is that?"

Quote from Jerry

[As Naomi sits down on the couch, Jerry walks over to the answer-phone and plays a message:]
George: [on machine] Jerry, it's George. Hey, hey are you all set foe the week end. This is going to be great. You're going to have a great time with Naomi. All right, you know she's got that laugh. What did you say? It's like Elmer Fudd sitting on a juicer? [Jerry rushes over to the machine and tries to stop the tape] Anyway, I was thinking we would take two cars up to the cabin and that way if one of wanted to stay you know... [Unable to get it to stop playing, Jerry pulls the machine out of the wall] This thing has never worked right.
Naomi: You think I laugh like Elmer Fudd sitting on a juicer?
Jerry: Well, first of all Elmer Fudd is one of the most beloved internationally known cartoon characters of all time. "I'm going to kill that cwazy wabbit... [laughs] " Come on. Not only that, a juicer is one of the healthiest ways... [Naomi exits] It makes the juice... [to himself] Extracts the pulp and the vitamins, for long life and vitality.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Well, now she's not going away for this weekend.
George: What do you mean not going? We got plans here. Call her up.
Jerry: Well, it's better anyway. I mean really. What was going to happen? I'm a comedian. How can I go out with a girl with a laugh like that? It's like Coco Chanel going out with a fish monger. You know, 'cause she's with all the perfumes and a fish mongers a pretty bad smell.

Quote from Jerry

Elaine: What's that?
Jerry: Oh, it's an autographed picture for my dry cleaner. I don't know what to write on these things. I hate doing this.
Elaine: "I'm very impressed"? ... Oh, you mean pressed cause its like a dry cleaner?
Jerry: Yeah, see that's why I hate it.

Quote from George

Donald: Thanks for showing up. You know, your friend here tried to kill me.
George: Oh, you lying little snot. And he's a cheater. Aren't you, you little twerp?
Donald: Moors!
George: Moops.
Donald: Moors.
George: Moops.

Quote from Jerry

Naomi: Thanks again for the Chinese food.
Jerry: Oh, you're welcome. You know, I think I ate too much of that garlic.
Naomi: Yeah, me too,
Jerry: No, I ate the whole plate. I didn't know those little things were garlic.
Naomi: [obnoxious laugh] Oh, you know what? I think Naked Gun is on. I've seen it. I laughed through that whole thing. You wanna watch?
Jerry: No, I mean, I don't think so.
Naomi: I thought you liked to laugh. I thought you were happy go lucky.
Jerry: No. Nah. I'm not happy and I'm not lucky, and I don't go. If anything, I'm sad stop unlucky.
Naomi: [obnoxious laugh]
Jerry: That's not funny, Naomi. I didn't mean to be funny there. Why don't you check the TV Guide. I think, uh, Holocaust is on.

Quote from George

George: Well, we were just saying, we were gonna ask you to come up to the country with us this weekend. Susan's father has a cabin up there, but all right.
Kramer: Well, what, they got any golf courses up there?
Jerry and George: No, no, no, no.
George: That's pie country.
Jerry: Yeah.
George: They do a lot of baking up there.
Jerry: They sell them by the side of the road. Blueberry, blackberry.
George: Blackberry, boysenberry.
Jerry: Boysenberry, huckleberry.
George: Huckleberry, raspberry.
Jerry: Raspberry, strawberry.
George: Strawberry, cranberry.
Jerry: Peach.

Quote from Jerry

Elaine: Hey, what's with George and Susan? Does he actually like her?
Jerry: Ah, I don't know if he likes her as much as he likes it.
Elaine: Oh, that's nice!
Jerry: What's he doing? What is his hurry?
Elaine: Well, you know George. It's not enough to get there. you gotta make good time.
Jerry: I know. He once went from West 81st Street to Kennedy Airport in 25 minutes. I never heard the end of it. Look at him.

Quote from Elaine

Jerry: We make all these plans, then he goes a hundred miles an hour, the whole weekend's over. Incredible. Just like that.
Elaine: Poor little bubble boy. He's sitting there waiting for you in his bubble, or igloo thing or whatever.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: I can't believe how a little thing like George going too fast, and my whole weekend is gone. The plans, the packing, everything...
Elaine: Your whole weekend? What about the bubble boy?
Jerry: Why do you keep bringing up the bubble boy? You don't have to mention the bubble boy. You don't have to mention the bubble boy. I know about the bubble boy. I'm aware of the bubble boy. Why do you keep reminding me about the bubble boy?

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: I'll have a cup of coffee and a turkey club.
Waitress: How about you?
Elaine: I'll just have a glass of water.
Jerry: You can't just have water.
Elaine: Why not? That's all I want.
Jerry: Well, this is not like a park bench where you just come in and sit down. It's a business.

Quote from George

Mrs. Sanger: You see it's not really a bubble. A lot of people think it's an igloo. But it's really just a plastic divider.
[George and Susan nod. There's a long silence.]
George: Can you, uh, go in the bubble?
Mrs. Sanger: Well, you have to put so many things on because of the germs.
Mel Sanger: The gloves, the mask, it's a whole production.
George: So then he makes his own bed?
Mrs. Sanger: Well, that's one of the things we fight about.
Mel Sanger: Would you like to meet him?
George: Uh, well, you know,...
Mrs. Sanger: Oh, he loves games. Maybe you could play Trivial Pursuit with him.
Donald Sanger: [o.s.] Hey, Ma! What the hell do I gotta do to get some food around here?! I'm starving! And if it's peanut butter, I'm gonna shove it in your face!
Mrs. Sanger: [laughs]

Quote from Jerry

Elaine: [laughs] There is "nothing finer than being in your diner"?
Jerry: No good?
Elaine: This is what you came up with?
Jerry: Well.
Elaine: That is so lame, Jerry. People are going to be reading that for the next twenty years and laughing at you.
Jerry: Yeah, yeah, you're right. Excuse me. Excuse me. Would you mind? I'd like to take the picture back. I'm not happy with what I wrote.
Waitress: It's good. I like it.
Jerry: No, believe me, it's not good. I'll mail you a new one with something really funny written on it.
Waitress: Well, when you mail me a new one I'll send you back this one.
Jerry: No, look, you don't understand. I, I want the picture.
Waitress: Right! [exits]

Quote from George

Mrs. Sanger: This is Donald.
George: Hi.
Susan Ross: Hello.
Donald: [o.s.] Who are you? Where's Seinfeld?
Mrs. Sanger: He's on his way. These are his friends.
Donald: What are you looking at? You never seen a kid in a bubble before?
George: Of course I have. Come on. My cousin's in a bubble. My friend Jeffrey's, uh, sister, also ... bubble. You know, I got a lot of bubble experience. Come on.

Quote from Susan Ross

Donald: [o.s.] What's your story?
Susan Ross: I, I have no story.
George: She works for NBC.
Donald: How about taking your top off?
Mrs. Sanger: Donald, behave yourself.
Donald: Come on.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: What are you doing? You're choking me. Elaine!
Waitress: Are you going to pay for that?
Jerry: No, I want the picture back.
Man #1: Something's happened to the bubble boy. They're rushing him to the hospital.
Waitress: What? [releases Jerry]
Jerry: The bubble boy? He lives around here?
Man #1: That's his house right down the road.
Man #2: He got in a fight with some guy.
Man #1: What kind of person would hurt the bubble boy?
Man #2: Some little bald guy from the city.


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