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‘The Strongbox’ Quotes

Seinfeld: The Strongbox

914. The Strongbox

Aired February 5, 1998

After a spate of robberies in the building, Kramer starts storing his treasured belongings in a strongbox. George's girlfriend will not accept being dumped. Meanwhile, Elaine suspects her secretive new boyfriend might be married.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Hey. It happened again. Another robbery in the building.
Jerry: So you bought a cooler?
Kramer: It's a strongbox to protect my irreplaceables.
Elaine: And what would those be?
Kramer: Some taxidermy that's been in my family for generations. My Tony, my military discharge.
Jerry: You were in the Army?
Kramer: Briefly.

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Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Now, I gotta find a good place to hide this key. Because if somebody finds this, they hold the key to all my possessions.
Elaine: Literally.
Kramer: 'Literally'? What's that supposed to mean?

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: You mind if I hide this somewhere?
Jerry: No, go ahead.
Kramer: [waits for Jerry to look away] A little privacy, huh?
Jerry: Oh, come on!
Kramer: Come on, Jerry, this is a security issue. Boy, you wouldn't last a day in the Army.
Jerry: How long did you last?
Kramer: Well, that's classified.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: She said no?
George: She said no.
Jerry: What did you do?
George: What could I do? We fooled around and went to a movie.
Jerry: George, both parties don't have to consent to a breakup. It's not like you're launching missiles from a submarine and you both have to turn your keys.

Quote from George

Jerry: Check these out. These are Jerry Lewis' old cufflinks that he actually wore in the movie Cinderfella. I got 'em at an auction.
George: I got some cufflinks I could've loaned you.
Jerry: No, Jerry Lewis is gonna be at this Friar's Club roast I'm going to next week. Now I have an in to strike up a conversation with him.
George: You already have an in. You have the same first name. Jerry.
Jerry: Oh, that'll intrigue him.
George: Well, it worked when I met George Peppard last week.
Jerry: George Peppard has been dead for years.
George: Well, whoever he was, he knew a lot about The A-Team.

Quote from Elaine

Glenn: So you would choose your last meal based on the method of execution?
Elaine: Right, right. I mean, if I was getting the chair, I'd go for something hot and spicy. You know, Thai, maybe Mexican. Lethal injection feels like pasta. You know, painless, don't want anything too heavy.

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: So, you would date a married guy? That's so hacky.
Elaine: Well, I don't know. I may never marry. It might be the closest I get.
[As Jerry opens his cutlery drawer for a spoon, he finds Kramer's key]
Kramer: You peeked!
Jerry: This is your hiding place?!
Kramer: It was under a spoon!

Quote from George

George: And so, for all these reasons, we are officially broken up. Thank you, and good night.
Maura: No, George, we're not.
George: But I proved it.
Maura: I refuse to give up on this relationship. It's like launching missiles from a submarine. Both of use have to turn our keys.
George: Well, then, I am gonna have to ask you to turn your key.
Maura: I'm sorry, George, I can't do that.
George: Turn your key, Maura. Turn your key!

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: Jerry! Jerry!
Jerry: Elaine, what are you doing down there?
Elaine: You didn't hear me buzzing?
Jerry: Oh, I guess it's broken.
Elaine: Throw down your key.
Jerry: It's liable to bounce and go into a sewer.
Elaine: I'll catch it!
Jerry: You'll chicken out at the last second.
Elaine: Yeah, you're right.

Quote from George

George: [inner monologue] I think that ginger ale at the coffee shop is just Coke and Sprite mixed together. How can I prove it? Ah, can't. Dammit.

Quote from Elaine

Jerry: Well, let's think. Have you ever dealt with the poor in any other situation?
Elaine: Yes. There was this homeless guy who used to urinate on our garbage cans.
Jerry: Good. How did you handle that?
Elaine: Well, we gave him a few bucks, and now he goes in the alley across the street.
Jerry: Same situation. Pay him off, and you're clean.
Elaine: Well, I am not paying Glenn off to get out of this relationship. Wh- What am I supposed to do, just walk into his hovel, and hand him... Well, how much do you think it would be?

Quote from Jerry

Elaine: If only he could have been cheating on his wife, you know, things would have been so much simpler.
George: Who's this, Blue Arrow?
Elaine: Green Lantern.
Jerry: We found out his super power was lack of money.
Elaine: All right.
Jerry: He's invulnerable to creditors.
Elaine: We get it.
Jerry: He's the 'Got-no-Green' Lantern.
Elaine: Thank you.
Jerry: Hey, Elaine. Maybe his girlfriend is Lois Loan.
Elaine: [sarcastically] Well crafted.

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: Kramer, I can't believe we're grave robbers.
Kramer: "Man's best friend." Jerry, I want something like that on my tombstone.


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