Newman: Excuse me, Miss Weaver? Oh, my God, it is you. I've seen your show six times.
Jerry: What a surprise.
Newman: You're great. It's great. It's so great to see a show that's about something. [looks at Jerry]

Jerry: So you're saying UNICEF is a scam?
Kramer: It's the perfect cover for a money-laundering operation. No one could keep track of all those kids with those little orange boxes of change.

Elaine: Now, we got a dog and a cat in an office.
Jerry: It looks like my accountant's office. There's no pets working there.
Elaine: The cat is saying, "I've enjoyed reading your e-mail."
George: Maybe it's got something to do with that 42 in the corner.
Elaine: That's a page number.
George: Well, I can't crack this one.
Elaine: Oh, this has gotta be a mistake.
George: Well, try shaking it.

Mr. Elinoff: Yeah, that's a rather clever jab at inter-office politics, don't you think?
Elaine: Yeah. But why is it that the animals enjoy reading the e-mail?
Mr. Elinoff: Well, Miss Benes cartoons are like gossamer and one doesn't dissect gossamer. [chuckles]
Elaine: Well, you don't have to dissect it if you could just tell me why this is supposed to be funny.
Mr. Elinoff: Oh, it's merely a commentary on contemporary mores.
Elaine: But what is the comment?
Mr. Elinoff: It's a slice of life.
Elaine: No, it isn't.
Mr. Elinoff: A pun?
Elaine: I don't think so.
Mr. Elinoff: Vorshtein?
Elaine: That's not a word. You have no idea what this means.
Mr. Elinoff: No.
Elaine: Then why did you print it?
Mr. Elinoff: I like the kitty.
Elaine: You know what? You people should be ashamed of yourselves. You know, you doodle a couple of bears at a cocktail party talking about the stock market, you think you're doing comedy.
Mr. Elinoff: Actually, that's not bad.
Elaine: Oh, really? Well, you know, I have others.

Elaine: Just read it.
Jerry: Pretty good.
Elaine: Pretty good? Well, this is a gem. Kramer, lookit. What? It's funny.
Jerry: It's a pig at a complaint department.
Elaine: Yeah, and he's saying, "I wish I was taller." See? That's his complaint.
Jerry: I get it.
Elaine: Do you? Because that's not a normal complaint.
Jerry: Well, how about if it was something like: "I can't find my receipt. My place is a sty."
Elaine: You know, everything with you has to be so jokey.
Jerry: I'm a comedian.
Elaine: "I wish I was taller." That's nice. That's real.
Jerry: Yeah, well, I got a complaint. This cartoon stinks.
Elaine: Well, I'll tell you who doesn't think it stinks. The New Yorker. That's right. They're publishing it in their next issue.

J. Peterman: Flash of lightning, Elaine. I just realized why I like this cartoon so much.
Elaine: Oh, do tell, sir.
J. Peterman: It's a "Ziggy."
Elaine: A "Ziggy"?
J. Peterman: That irreverence. That wit. I'd recognize it anywhere. Some charlatan has stolen a "Ziggy" and passed it off as his own and I can prove it. Quick, Elaine, to my archives.

Newscaster: [on TV] Thanks for watching Nine News. We leave you tonight with a scene from Sally Weaver's one-woman show.
Sally Weaver: [on TV] Okay, so, I go to meet Jerry Seinfeld at this horrible coffee shop, right? He's like, "Stop doing your show." And I'm like, "Hello, it's a free country." So then he goes, "Okay, schmutzie." Then he starts pawing at my sweater, right? And getting all, you know, "Hands Across America."
Jerry: There really was schmutz. I didn't try and grab her.
Sally Weaver: And this is what he looks like when he is eating:
Jerry: [turns TV off] Get out of my house.

Jerry: Oh, no. It's Sally Weaver.
Kramer: Oh, yeah, your old college roommate, huh?
Jerry: No, it's Susan Ross' old college roommate. She moved to New York. She's trying to become an actress.
Kramer: Oh. Dramatic or comedic?
Jerry: Untalented. She's always inviting me to see her in some bad play in a tiny room without ventilation. It's really depressing.
Kramer: Well, we don't go to enough theater.
Jerry: She should just give up.

Jerry: Hey.
Sally Weaver: Hey there, Mr. Too-Big-to-Come-to-My-Shows. I just came from tap. I'm all: Wooh! [chuckles] I'm on my way to an audition, still looking for that big break.
Kramer: Why don't you just give up?
Jerry: Kramer.
Kramer: Well, that's what Jerry says. Oh, now, face it. If it hasn't happened, it's not gonna happen. All right. Now, go grab us a booth. Join us?
Jerry: ... So Susan's dead.

Kramer: Well, I think she was happy someone finally said it.
Jerry: Why did you have to say anything to her?
Kramer: Well, I felt the conversation was lagging.
Jerry: Why can't you ever just keep your big mouth shut?
Kramer: I come in here to have a pleasant meal, and if we're not gonna have one, I'll grab a bite to eat at your place.