Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The English Patient’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Seinfeld: The English Patient

817. The English Patient

Aired March 13, 1997

Jerry inadvertently challenges an old man, Izzy (guest star Lloyd Bridges), to lift weights. Elaine feels like she's the only one who didn't care for The English Patient. George is surprised to meet an attractive woman who's dating a man who looks like him. Meanwhile, Kramer has a plan to transport Cubans to New York.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Over there. The Dominicans.
Jerry: Aren't they supposed to be rolling cigars?
Kramer: Well, it didn't quite work out, and now I've got nothing for them to do.
George: So?
Kramer: So, I taught them all about Cuba, and they really took to it. You know, Marxism, the Worker's Revolution, the clothing.
Jerry: Boy, they seem pretty angry about something.
Kramer: Yeah. I'm a little worried. When there's no work, and the people get restless, who do you think they come after? [points to himself] El Presidente!

Rate

Quote from Elaine

J. Peterman: Elaine, I hope you're watching the clothes, because I can't take my eyes off the passion.
Elaine: No. No, I can't do this any more. I can't. It's too long. [to the screen] Quit telling your stupid story about the stupid desert and just die already! [shouts] Die!
All: Ssh.
J. Peterman: Elaine. You don't like the movie?
Elaine: [shouts] I hate it!
All: Ssh.
Elaine: Oh, go to hell!!
J. Peterman: Well, why didn't you say so in the first place? You're fired.
Elaine: Great. I'll wait for you outside.

Quote from Morty Seinfeld

Jerry: This is quite a condo.
Morty Seinfeld: The Mandelbaums own the Magic Pan restaurants.
Jerry: The crepe place?
Morty Seinfeld: Yeah. This is all big crepe money.
Jerry: There's crepe money?

Quote from Morty Seinfeld

Sid: Somebody call an ambulance.
Morty Seinfeld: There's already an ambulance here for Mrs. Glickman. There's room for one more.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: You know at the movies, they show that little ad for the concession stand?
Elaine: Where the cartoon candy's dancing and the Milk Dud's playing the banjo?
Jerry: Oh, he's wailing on that banjo.
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: I just don't understand the raisinettes.
Elaine: The sax player?
Jerry: Yeah.
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: The box of raisinettes runs up to the concession stand, buys another box of raisinettes.
Elaine: So?
Jerry: Box of raisinettes eating another box of raisinettes? It's perverse.
Elaine: He's not gonna eat them. He's buying them for his Pepsi girlfriend.
Jerry: Why's he dating a Pepsi? They're not having children.
Elaine: He's a musician.
Jerry: Musicians. Get a real job.

Quote from George

George: Jerry, figure this out. I'm in the coffee shop, and this beautiful girl I could never even talk to, mistakes me for her boyfriend.
Jerry: That's a nice four seconds.
George: I look just like him. I. Me. This! This is what her boyfriend looks like. How is that possible?
Jerry: Maybe he has money.
George: Maybe he doesn't. Maybe he and I are exactly the same, except for one minor, yet crucial, detail. You never know.
Jerry: Sometimes you do.
George: Maybe it's some small thing I could change. Like a mustache. Or wearing a top hat, or a monocle, or a..or a cane.
Jerry: Who's she dating? Mr Peanut?
George: She could do a lot worse than Mr Peanut, my friend.

Quote from Elaine

Blaine: So, what do you wanna see?
Elaine: What about Sack Lunch?
Blaine: How about The English Patient? It's up for all those Oscars.
Elaine: Oh, come on Blaine. I mean, look at the poster for Sack Lunch.
Blaine: It's a family in a brown paper bag.
Elaine: Don't you wanna know how they got in there?
Blaine: No.
[The ticket attendant puts up a sign reading "Sack Lunch, Sold Out"]
Elaine: Aw. Sold out.
Blaine: Oh, two for The English Patient.
Elaine: So do you think they got shrunk down, or is it just a giant sack?

Quote from Morty Seinfeld

Morty Seinfeld: Jerry, this is Del Boca Vista's new physical fitness room. They got medicine balls, you can bike ride, anything you want.
Jerry: Stairmaster?
Morty Seinfeld: What?
Jerry: Nothing.
Morty Seinfeld: [opens his tracksuit] See what I'm wearing? [Morty's wearing the #1 Dad t-shirt]
Jerry: Oh, did you get that outta my bag?
Morty Seinfeld: No, your mother found it. Son, this is the most wonderful and thoughtful thing you've ever done for me.
Jerry: You know, I bought you a Cadillac. Twice.

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: [on the phone] What is that bubbling sound? Are you making your tomato sauce?
Kramer: Hot and spicy.
Jerry: You're not wearing a shirt, are you?
Kramer: Yes, I am.
Jerry: What color is it?
Kramer: Damn it.

Quote from George

George: You know, you could've just given me Neil's number. You... You didn't have to take me out to dinner.
Danielle: I wanted to give it to you in person. You know, I don't have to be up in the morning, and I know a great breakfast place, right around the corner.
George: Does Neil like to eat a big breakfast?
Danielle: Why don't you come in? We'll take about it.
George: I really should get going. You know, I..I wanna be home in case Neil calls.
Danielle: Well, goodnight.
[Danielle leans in for a kiss, but an oblivious George turns and walks away]
George: I'll see you.

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode