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‘The Foundation’ Quotes

Seinfeld: The Foundation

801. The Foundation

Aired September 19, 1996

As George tries to move on from Susan's death, her family set up a charitable foundation in her name. Elaine takes charge of the J. Peterman company. Meanwhile, Jerry is surprised when an old girlfriend is interested in him after he called off his engagement. 

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: Well, Mr. Peterman, I've got a really good idea for a hat.
J. Peterman: [rubbing his neck] Oh, my neck is one gargantuan monkey fist.
Elaine: It combines the spirit of old Mexico with a little big city panache. I like to call it the Urban Sombrero.
J. Peterman: No, no. No pears.
Elaine: Are you okay, Mr. Peterman?
J. Peterman: Yes, yes. Go on, go on, go on.
Elaine: Well, see, it's... businessmen taking siestas. You know, it's the, uh, the Urban Sombrero. [Peterman walks out, groaning] Mr. Peterman?

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Quote from J. Peterman

Elaine: [answers phone] Hello, Mr. Peterman, how are you feeling?
J. Peterman: Elaine, I'll be blunt. I'm burnt out. I'm fried. My mind is as barren as the surface of the moon. I can run that catalog no longer.
Elaine: What? Well, who's gonna do it?
J. Peterman: What about you?
Elaine: Me? Why me?
J. Peterman: Why, indeed.
Elaine: Mr. Peterman, you can't leave.
J. Peterman: I've already left, Elaine. I'm in Burma.
Elaine: Burma?
J. Peterman: You most likely know it as Myanmar. But it will always be Burma to me. Bonne chance, Elaine. [to a passerby] You there on the motorbike! Sell me one of your melons!

Quote from George

Mrs. Ross: We know the last three months have been hard on you.
George: Oh, yes, yes, yes. Very, very hard.
Mr. Ross: And they've been hard on us, too. It's a terrible tragedy when parents outlive their children.
George: Yes, I agree. I hope my parents go long before I do.

Quote from Jerry

George: What were you saying to the Rosses over there, anyway?
Jerry: Oh, I don't know. I told them, "Her death takes place in the shadow of new life. She's not really dead if we find a way to remember her."
George: What is that?
Jerry: Star Trek II.
George: Wrath of Khan!
Jerry: Right. Kramer and I saw it last night. Spock dies and they wrap him up in a towel, and they shoot him out the bowel of the ship in that big sunglasses case.
George: That was a hell of a thing when Spock died.
Jerry: Yeah.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: What's wrong?
Elaine: Oh, Peterman ran off to Burma, and now he wants me to run the catalog.
Kramer: Where?
Jerry: Myanmar.
Kramer: Is that the discount pharmacy?

Quote from Jerry

George: Boy, that was awkward.
Jerry: I don't mind the cemetery. In fact, now I see why people like golf. It's just nice to be outside in a well-landscaped area.

Quote from George

George: Well, anyway, the, uh. The stone is up. I paid my respects. I guess that's it.
Jerry: So it's over?
George: I have mourned for three long months! Summer months, too! Anybody could grieve in January. It's time for George to start being George again.
Jerry: All right, so uh, let's do something later. How about a movie?
George: Yes! Nothing says George like a movie.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: There's really not that much to tell. [v.o.] About a month ago, we were here having lunch, when all of a sudden we both just blurted out...
[flashback:]
Jerry & Jeannie: I hate you!
Jeannie: See you.
Jerry: See you.
[present:]
Jerry: It was unprecedented. I mean, it was the first truly mutual breakup in relationship history. No rejection, no guilt, no remorse.
Elaine: You've never felt remorse.
Jerry: I know, I feel bad about that...
Elaine: I bet your parents were upset, huh?
Jerry: Eh.
Elaine: You haven't told them yet, have you?
Jerry: No.

Quote from George

George: I tell you, Jerry, I'm feeling something. Something I haven't felt in a long time.
Jerry: Pride?
George: No. Autonomy, complete and total autonomy.
Jerry: Well, you're your own boss now.
George: I wanna go to a tractor pull.
Jerry: Go ahead.
George: I am staying out all night.
Jerry: Who's stopping you?
George: I wanna bite into a big hunk of cheese, just bite into it like it's an apple.
Jerry: Whatever.

Quote from Elaine

Dugan: You're taking the job?
Elaine: You got that straight. Now, I want four new ideas from each of you by 6:00. No, make that six ideas by 4:00. All right, let's move, move, move, move, move!

Quote from George

Mr. Ross: That's why we decided to create a foundation to preserve Susan's memory.
George: Oh, that's wonderful.
Mr. Ross: And, of course, we want you to be an integral part.
George: Yes, intreg- How intre- How intregal?
Mr. Ross: You'll be on the board of directors.
George: Great, great. Oh, oh, oh, gosh. You know, it's just... my duties with the Yankees...
Mrs. Ross: Oh, don't worry, George. The foundation will revolve around your schedule. Evenings, weekends, whenever you have free time.
George: I can't believe this is happening.
Mr. Ross: Well, it wouldn't have without your friend Jerry's inspirational words. He said to us, "She's not really dead if her shadow is..." Uh, what was it, dear?
Mrs. Ross: Something about a way. And a- And a light, uh... Who the hell knows?
Mr. Ross: Well, what's important is that your relationship with Susan doesn't have to end.
Mrs. Ross: So will you be sure to thank Jerry for us?
George: The second I see him.

Quote from George

George: So, Wrath of Khan, huh?
Jerry: Yeah. Was that a beauty or what?
George: What was that line again? Something about finding your way in a shadow?
Jerry: No, no, no, it's... "She's not really dead if we find a way to remember her."
George: That's it. That's the line... [squirts mustard into Jerry's coffee]... that destroyed my life.
Jerry: Problem?
George: The Rosses have started up a foundation, Jerry, and I have to sit on the board of directors.
Jerry: Hey, board of directors. Look at you!
George: Yeah, look at me. I was free and clear! I was living the dream! I was stripped to the waist, eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery!
Jerry: Before we go any further, I'd just like to point out how disturbing it is that you equate eating a block of cheese with some sort of bachelor paradise.

Quote from George

Wyck: Now, as you know, the Rosses had considerable monies.
George: Well, I know they have some monies.
Wyck: They had more than some monies. Many, many monies. And they planned to give a sizable portion of their estate to you and Susan after the wedding.
George: So, if Susan and I had... I mean, if the envelopes hadn't, uh... Then we...
Wyck: Yes.
George: And now?
Wyck: Not. It's all been endowed to the foundation. Even this townhouse.
George: This townhouse?
Wyck: Yes, this would have been your wedding gift.
George: And now?
Wyck: Not.
George: Not.
Wyck: Also endowed. George, I know how much Susan meant to you. This can't be easy.
George: You know, it really can't.

Quote from Elaine

Jerry: [on the phone] Elaine, let me ask you something. When I told you my breakup was mutual, did you believe me?
Elaine: No, no, no. It's weak. No one's gonna buy it, and you shouldn't be selling it.
Jerry: I gotta do some research here.
Elaine: Hey, hey. Me. Talking. You know, between you and me, I always thought Kramer was a bit of a doofus, but he believed in me. You did not. So as I see it, he's not the doofus. You are the doofus.
Jerry: Oh, I'm the doofus?
Elaine: Yeah. You, Jerry, are the doofus.
Jerry: You know, it occurs to me that Kramer is at karate right now.
Elaine: Oh, well, maybe I'll just go down there and thank him in person.
Jerry: Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

Quote from Elaine

Jerry: So, did you stop by the dojo?
Elaine: Yep.
Jerry: How's your confidence level?
Elaine: Shot.
Jerry: Self-esteem?
Elaine: Gone.
Jerry: Doofus?
Elaine: [raises her hand] Yo.

Quote from Elaine

Jerry: All right, so what? You put out the catalog. How bad could it be?
[Elaine takes out the Urban Sombrero and puts it on.]
Jerry: What is that?
Elaine: The Urban Sombrero. I put it on the cover.
Jerry: Well, nobody sees the... cover.

Quote from George

George: [answers phone] Hello?
Jerry: Hey, Georgie! I'm doing some research down at the coffee shop. Your story's the one.
George: My story?
Jerry: Yeah, your widower story's tested through the roof. When are you getting out of there?
George: Uh, excuse me, Wyck. Uh, are we, uh, almost done here?
Wyck: [chuckles] Oh, no, not even close.
George: I can't go.
Jerry: What do you mean you can't go? There's two really girls sitting at the counter eating grilled cheese. Cheese, George! Cheese! [George hangs up]
Wyck: Okay, next item. Susan's doll collection. Estimated value: $2.6 million. What do you say we go through this doll by doll?


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