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‘The Shoes’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

Seinfeld: The Shoes

416. The Shoes

Aired February 4, 1993

Jerry and George get ready to present their pilot script to NBC. Meanwhile, Elaine is annoyed that Jerry's ex-girlfriend is talking about her shoes.

Quote from George

Jerry: Now come on, let's stay with it, we gotta finish this today.
George: Okay. Hey, you know what, maybe I should give it to my therapist to read. She's smart, I trust her.
Jerry: Yeah, maybe I'll give it to Elaine.
George: Hey, you know, we haven't brought the Elaine character into the show yet. We should try and get her into this scene.
Jerry: Right, right. Okay. [writes] "Elaine enters." What does she say...?
George: I don't know, what do women say?
Jerry: I don't know.
George: I don't even know what they think. That's why I'm in therapy.

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Quote from Kramer

Kramer: You are never gonna believe who I just ran into today.
Jerry: Who?
Kramer: Your old flame. Gail Cunningham.
Jerry: Did you talk to her?
Kramer: Well, I was on my way to the Y, and I saw her coming towards me? I didn't know what to do! Because I remembered you had three dates with her and she wouldn't kiss you goodnight. So now I'm thinking, you know, what is my duty to my friend? Do I acknowledge her? Do I ignore her? I mean, what is my responsibility here?
Jerry: So what happened?
Kramer: Yeah, yeah, so she sees me and she goes, [female voice] "Oh, hi! Kramer!" You know? Like nothing happened! Like she never, you know, went three dates with you and refused to kiss you goodnight.
Jerry: Yeah, I know about the three dates.
Kramer: You know what I did? I snubbed her.
Jerry: What do you mean, you snubbed her?
Kramer: I walked right by her... Never said a word.
Jerry: Right by her?
Kramer: Right by her!

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: [imitates Gail] "Oh, look at you, the Botticelli's."
Jerry: That bothered you?
Elaine: Yes, it bothered me. So I bought a pair of shoes at Botticelli's, I'm not allowed to shop there? That really embarrassed me.
Jerry: It did?
Elaine: Yes! Couldn't you see that?
Jerry: No. This is why you're not in the pilot.

Quote from George

George: I can't believe this! What was wrong with it? What didn't you like about it?
Dana: It wasn't funny.
George: It wasn't funny? What, are you kidding?
Dana: No, I didn't find it funny.
George: You didn't find it funny?! This is what I'm paying for?
Dana: Well, that whole story line about a guy who gets into a car accident, doesn't have any insurance, so the judge sentences him to be a butler? I didn't really buy that.
George: Let me tell you who did, uh, buy it. Uh, we pitched this story to Russell Dalrymple, the president of NBC, and he ate it up with a spoon.
Dana: George, if you're going to be in a creative field, you're going to have to learn how to deal with criticism.
George: How's this for criticism? Um... You stink. How do like that criticism? You know what's funny to me? That diploma up on the wall. That is my idea of comedy! You sitting here, telling people what to do.
Dana: I think you'd better go.
George: Oh, I'm going baby. I'm going. [heads for the door, stops] It's Jerry's fault. He took out all my good lines. He's such a control freak!

Quote from George

George: So, you send me to this therapist to help me with my emotional disorders, and she criticizes our script. What kind of a therapist is that?
Elaine: I guess she didn't think it was funny.
George: Oh, she didn't think it was funny. What is she, Rowan & Martin? We're supposed to meet with NBC tomorrow! She completely shattered my confidence. And I'm paying for this, she's my employee!
Jerry: I thought your mother's paying for it.
George: And she slaves to earn every penny. So that someday, I might be able to walk up to a woman and say, "Yes, I'm bald, but I'm still a good person."

Quote from Elaine

Kramer: Oh, so, I understand you're buying new shoes now at Botticelli's.
Elaine: What? Who told you that?
Kramer: Gail Cunningham.
Elaine: I don't understand. Why is this woman talking about my shoes? Why are my shoes a topic of conversation?
Kramer: Well, you know, we were just talking, and she mentioned how you're buying your shoes now at Botticelli's.
Elaine: "How I'm buying my shoes now at Botticelli's"?! Did you hear this?
Jerry: So what?
Elaine: So what?! She is talking about my shoes! She is discussing my shoes! It is nobody's business where I buy my shoes!

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: The basic problem with the beginning of the relationship, I think, is that each person has their own sexual time-table of what should happen when, that the other person knows nothing about. That's why I really think we need some sort of sexual rule book, where it's written down and agreed upon. Sexual, standard, dating procedure. Know what I mean? So if there's any problems, you can go, "Look, honey, I'm very sorry, but we've been out three times, and according to Article 7, Section 5, there's got to be some physical contact, as you can see. Otherwise, I will report you to the board, and they can put out a warrant for an embrace."

Quote from Jerry

George: Wait a second .Wait a second. And then the butler says, "I'm not cleaning it up! I'm sick of cleaning!"
Jerry: That's funny, that's funny! "I'm sick of cleaning." That's very funny.
George: I've never seen a pilot script as funny as this!
Jerry: Yeah, it's funny!
George: I mean, how funny is this?
Jerry: It's funny.
George: I mean, we're not stupid, right? We know when something's funny!
Jerry: It cannot not be funny!

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: You know, if we bring Elaine in, there's going to be so many people to keep track of. It's gonna be too hard. I'll forget where everybody's standing. You, me, Kramer, the butler, it's too much.
George: All right, forget Elaine.
Jerry: All right.

Quote from Jerry

Elaine: I'm not even in here!
Jerry: Yeah, I know.
Elaine: Well, I thought there was going to be a character named Elaine Benes.
Jerry: Well, there were too many people in the room. We couldn't keep track of everybody. George, and the butler, and...
Elaine: You "couldn't keep track of everybody"?
Jerry: Well, we tried. We couldn't. We didn't know how to, uh... We couldn't write for a woman. We didn't know what you would say. Even right now, I'm sitting here, I know you're going to say something, I have no idea what it is.
Elaine: You have no idea?
Jerry: Something derogatory?

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