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‘The Yada Yada’ Quotes

Seinfeld: The Yada Yada

819. The Yada Yada

Aired April 24, 1997

Jerry thinks his dentist, Tim Whatley (Bryan Cranston), only converted to Judaism for the jokes. George dates a woman who keeps her stories short by skipping over the "yada, yada, yada". Meanwhile, Kramer and Mickey (Danny Woodburn) double date, and Elaine's friends want to adopt a baby.

Quote from Jerry

Tim Whatley: Father Curtis told me about your little joke.
Jerry: What about all your Jewish jokes?
Tim Whatley: I'm Jewish. You're not a dentist. You have no idea what my people have been through.
Jerry: The Jews?
Tim Whatley: No, the dentists. You know, we have the highest suicide rate of any profession?
Jerry: Is that why it's so hard to get an appointment?

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Quote from Kramer

Jerry: So you won't believe what happened with Whatley today. It got back to him that I made this little dentist joke and he got all offended. Those people can be so touchy.
Kramer: Those people? Listen to yourself.
Jerry: What?
Kramer: You think that dentists are so different from me and you? They came to this country just like everybody else in search of a dream.
Jerry: Whatley's from Jersey.
Kramer: Yes, and now he's a full-fledged American.
Jerry: Kramer, he's just a dentist.
Kramer: Yeah, and you're an anti-dentite.
Jerry: I am not an anti-dentite!
Kramer: You're a rabid anti-dentite! Oh, it starts with a few jokes and some slurs. "Hey, denty!" Next thing you know, you're saying they should have their own schools.
Jerry: They do have their own schools!
Kramer: Yeah!

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: And then he asked the assistant for a shtickl of fluoride.
Elaine: Why are you so concerned about this?
Jerry: I'll tell you why. Because I believe Whatley converted to Judaism just for the jokes.

Quote from Jerry

Tim Whatley: All right, it is cavity time. Ah, here we go. Which reminds me, did you here the one about the rabbi and the farmer's daughter? Huh?
Jerry: Hey.
Tim Whatley: "Those aren't matzo balls."
Jerry: Tim, do you think you should be making jokes like that?
Tim Whatley: Why not? I'm Jewish, remember?
Jerry: I know, but...
Tim Whatley: Jerry, it's our sense of humor that sustained us as a people for 3,000 years.
Jerry: 5,000.
Tim Whatley: 5,000. Even better. Okay, Chrissie. Give me a shtickl of fluoride.

Quote from Jerry

Marcy: You know, a friend of mine thought she got Legionnaire's disease in the hot tub.
George: Really? What happened?
Marcy: Oh, yada yada yada, just some bad egg salad. I'll be right back. [walks away]
Jerry: I noticed she's big on the phrase, "yada yada."
George: Is "yada yada" bad?
Jerry: No, "yada yada" is good. She's very succinct.
George: She is succinct.
Jerry: Yeah, it's like you're dating USA Today.

Quote from Elaine

George: Listen to this. Marcy comes over and she tells me her ex-boyfriend was over late last night, and "yada, yada, yada, I'm really tired today."
Jerry: What do you think she was tired from?
George: Well, obviously the yada yada. You don't think she yada yada'd sex.
Elaine: I've yada yada'd sex.
George: Really?
Elaine: Yeah. I met this lawyer, we went out to dinner, I had the lobster bisque, we went back to my place, yada yada, yada, I never heard from him again.
Jerry: But you yada yada'd over the best part.
Elaine: No, I mentioned the bisque.

Quote from George

Marcy: So I'm on 3rd Avenue, minding my own business, and, yada yada yada, I get a free massage and a facial.
George: What a succinct story.
Marcy: I'm surprised you drive a Cadillac.
George: Oh, it's not mine. It's my mother's.
Marcy: Oh. Are you close with your parents?
George: Well, they gave birth to me, and yada, yada...
Marcy: Yada what?
George: Yada, yada, yada.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Elaine, the guy's Jewish two days, he's already making Jewish jokes.
Elaine: So what? When someone turns twenty-one, they usually get drunk the first night.
Jerry: Booze is not a religion.
Elaine: Tell that to my father.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Excuse me, Mother?
Nun: Sister.
Jerry: Sister, right. Do you know when Father Curtis has office hours?
Nun: Well, not until tomorrow.
Jerry: Hmm, I really need to speak with him.

Quote from George

Jerry: [at the urinal] Okay, you're on a desert island. You can bring five books. Which five do you take?
George: I gotta read five books?
Jerry: All right, one. Come on.
George: I got it. Three Musketeers.
Jerry: You've read that?
George: No, I'm saving it for the island.
Jerry: All right, let's start this whole thing over. Best Chamberlain: Wilt, Richard, or Neville?
George: For the desert island?
Jerry: Okay.
George: Richard.
Jerry: You know, he was in The Three Musketeers.
George: Exactly. Save me having to read the book.
Jerry: What's going on over there?
George: I don't know. I got to see somebody.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Hey, George, you know Tim Whatley.
George: Yeah, dentist of the stars.
Jerry: What's up?
Tim Whatley: I'll tell you what's up. I'm a Jew.
Jerry: Excuse me?
Tim Whatley: I'm a Jew. I finished converting two days ago.
Jerry: Oh, well... Welcome aboard.
Tim Whatley: Thanks.
George: Hey, where you just at the health club?
Tim Whatley: Oh, well, I didn't do much.
Jerry: We must have just missed you.
Tim Whatley: Oh, I didn't do much. I just sat in the sauna. You know, it was more like a Jewish workout. [chuckles] I'll see you.

Quote from Elaine

Agent: So do you, uh, know Betha and Arnie pretty well?
Elaine: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Agent: Do you socialize with them often?
Elaine: Yeah, yeah. We go out to dinner a lot. Usually Chinese. Well, sometimes Thai. And we go to the movies. Arnie's a real film buff.
Agent: Uh-huh.
Elaine: Actually, I remember this one time, um, this is funny. Um, we went to see the movie Striptease. I don't know if you've seen... It doesn't matter. Anyway. And it was during the opening credits, before the movie had even started. And I was whispering something to Beth, and Arnie leans over to me, and he goes, "Would you shut up?!" I mean, he barely even knew me. Where did he get off- But they're nice people.

Quote from George

George: Hey, Tim. Quick question. Is it normal for your teeth to make noises, like a hissing or a chirping?
Jerry: George.
Tim Whatley: Uh...
George: Fine, I'll make an appointment.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: How you doing?
Father Curtis: I have some discomfort in my molar.
Tim Whatley: Father Curtis, why don't you come in? [to Jerry] Father Curtis, good guy. Oh, which reminds me, did you hear the one about the Pope and Raquel Welch on the lifeboat, huh? I'll tell you later. [exits]
Jerry: Whatley!

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: So Whatley says to me, "Hey, I can make Catholic joke. I used to be Catholic."
Elaine: Now, see, I don't think it is a Catholic joke. I think it's more of a Raquel Welch joke. What was it? "No, I said 'hand me the buoys.'" [laughing] Buoys!
Jerry: Don't you see what Whatley is after? Total joke-telling immunity. He's already got the two big religions covered. If he ever gets Polish citizenship there'll be no stopping him.
Elaine: So what are you gonna do?
Jerry: I think this Father Curtis might be very interested to hear what Whatley has the Pope doing with Raquel Welch.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about Dr. Whatley. I have a suspicion that he's converted to Judaism just for the jokes.
Father: And this offends you as a Jewish person?
Jerry: No, it offends me as a comedian. And it'll interest you that he's also telling Catholic jokes.
Father: Well.
Jerry: And they're old jokes. I mean, the Pope and Raquel Welch in a lifeboat.
Father: I haven't heard that one.
Jerry: Oh, I'm sure you have. They're out on the ocean and, yada, yada, yada, and she says, "Those aren't buoys." [Father starts laughing] Father.
Father: One second. Well, if it would make you feel better I could speak to Dr. Whatley. I have to go back and have a wisdom teeth removed.
Jerry: Good luck. You know the difference between a dentist and a sadist don't you?
Father: Um...
Jerry: Newer magazines.
Father: Now, if you'll excuse me. [closes sliding door. George enters confessional]
George: Jerry, I gotta talk to you.

Quote from Elaine

Arnie: Elaine, I have to ask you about something.
Elaine: What?
Arnie: The yada yada.
Elaine: The yada yada?
Arnie: What exactly happened down there?
Elaine: Well, I don't know. I mean, I talked to him and, blah, blah, blah. He asked about you guys and, da, da, da, da, da. More questions, bleh, bleh, bleh...
Arnie: All right, shut up!
Elaine: Shut up? Again you are telling me to shut up?
Arnie: What?
Elaine: You yelled at me that time at the movies. That's why you're not getting the baby.
Arnie: Oh, my God. How am I gonna tell Beth?
Elaine: Look, I'll go down and talk to this adoption guy and I'll make sure that it all gets worked out.
Arnie: All right, just don't screw it up this time! [gets up]
Elaine: See, again you're yelling. Not a fan of the yelling.

Quote from George

Jerry: Hey, where's Marcy?
George: She, uh, went shopping for some shoes for the wedding and, yada, yada, yada, I'll see her in six to eight months.


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