George Quote #986
George: I still don't see why I can't ask her about my arm.
Elaine: She's a physical therapist. She doesn't want to have to deal with that outside of the office.
George: Why not?
Elaine: Because it is what she does.
George: I love these people! You can't ask them questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius unless it's in the confines of an office! When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
Elaine: George, you got a little something, right here.
George: [wiping face] These people think they're so important!
Quote from George
Receptionist: Oh, hi. Mr. Costanza, we were trying to get in touch with you. Wendy can't make her appointment. [clicks tongue]
George: What do you mean?
Receptionist: She had some personal affair she had to attend to. I left a message on your machine. You didn't get it?
George: When did you leave the message?
Receptionist: A few hours ago.
George: Oh, I'm sorry, I require twenty-four hours notice for a cancellation. Now, as I see it, you owe me seventy-five dollars.
Receptionist: Look, Mr. Costanza...
George: Will that be cash or check? [clicks tongue]
Quote from George
Wendy: I'm sorry, I don't owe you anything. I had some personal business that day.
George: Oh, I see. So your time is more valuable than mine. Is that it? You're a delicate genius!
Wendy: A delicate genius?
Quote from George
Elaine: Wendy, I injured my shoulder, Wednesday, when you dropped me off and I had to carry my skis, and my boots, and my poles and everything, all the way home. I'm, I'm having trouble lifting my arm. Do you think you could give me some treatment?
Wendy: Oh, sure. You have insurance, right?
Elaine: Insurance? You're charging me?
George: [returns] Wednesday? That's your personal business?! Skiing?! Oh, sure, let people suffer, while you're shushing all over a mountain?
Quote from The Bubble Boy
Donald: [o.s.] Okay, history. This is for the game. How you doing over there? Not too good.
George: All right, bubble boy. Let's just play. "Who invaded Spain in the 8th century?"
Donald: That's a joke. The Moors.
George: Oh, no. I'm so sorry. It's the "Moops". The correct answer is, the "Moops".
Donald: Moops? Let me see that. [takes card with gloved hand] That's not Moops, you jerk. That's Moors. It's a misprint.
George: I'm sorry. The card says Moops.
Donald: It doesn't matter. It's Moors. There's no Moops.
George: It's Moops.
Quote from The Andrea Doria
George: I was handcuffed to the bed in my underwear, where I remained... [cut] She certainly seemed interested in me. Though she was attractive, she was also, in fact, a Nazi... [cut] The water that I had been swimming in was very cold. And, when I dropped the towel, there had been significant shrinkage... [cut] Her parents were looking at me. So, there I was, with a marble rye hanging from the end of a fishing pole... [cut] In closing, these stories have not been embellished, because they need no embellishment. They are simply, horrifyingly, the story of my life as a short, stocky, slow-witted bald man. Thank you. [gets up] Oh, also, my fiance died from licking toxic envelopes that I picked out. [The board members sob and cry] Thanks again. [walks out]
Quote from The Comeback
Jerry: "The ocean called, they're running out of shrimp"?
George: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then, I said to him, "Oh yeah? Well, the jerk store called, and they're running out of you."
Jerry: Really? That's great. You said that to him?
George: Well, actually, I thought it up on the way over here.
Jerry: Oh. That's not quite the same.
George: No. No, it's not. You don't know this guy. It would have been so sweet.