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‘The Secret Code’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Seinfeld: The Secret Code

707. The Secret Code

Aired November 16, 1995

George is reluctant to tell Susan his ATM code. Elaine leaves Jerry and George to have dinner with her boss, J. Peterman, so she can meet a guy who didn't remember her.

Quote from George

Jerry: Oh, my God. Look at this.
George: Hm?
Jerry: It's the new J. Peterman catalog. Look.
George: "The Rogue's Wallet. It's where he kept his card, his dirty little secret. Short, devious, balding, his name was Costanza. He killed my mother."

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Quote from J. Peterman

J. Peterman: You know, George, growing up as a boy in Costa Rica, I heard a rumor that mama had taken a lover. Perhaps Bosco was this man's name.

Quote from George

George: Where are we gonna eat?
Jerry: We're gonna meet Elaine and Peterman at the Chinese place.
George: Peterman? Nobody mentioned anything about Peterman.
Jerry: Of course not. If I did would you have gone?
George: No way.
Jerry: There you go.
George: I don't even know Peterman. How the hell am I gonna relax? I'm gonna have to be on all night. I don't like being on, Jerry. I would much rather be off.
Jerry: Trust me, you're off.

Quote from J. Peterman

J. Peterman: And there, tucked into the river's bend was the object of my search. The Guangia River Market. Fabrics and spices traded under a starlit sky. It was there that I discovered the Pamplona Beret. Sizes seven-and-a-half through eight-and-three-quarters. Price, $35.
George: How about sports? Do you follow sports?

Quote from George

George: [to Mrs. Peterman] Hi. I really should be getting back to my fiance. You know, we, uh, we had this big fight yesterday and, uh, well she, she wants to-to know my secret code. I-I don't know, I can't tell her. The funny thing is, you know, I would really love to tell someone 'cause it's killing me. You, uh, you wanna know what it is? It's Bosco. You know, the chocolate syrup? I love that stuff, I pour it in milk, it's my favorite drink. Hoo-hoo, boy, that is a relief!
Mrs. Peterman: [faintly] Bosco. Bosco.
George: Oh, shh.
Mrs. Peterman: [sitting up] Bosco!
J. Peterman: Mama?
George: Quiet, quiet! It's a secret.
Mrs. Peterman: Bosco! Bosco! Bosco!
George: Shut up! Shut up!
J. Peterman: [runs in] Mama! What are you trying to say?
Mrs. Peterman: Bosco.
[Mrs. Peterman falls back in bed and closes her eyes]
J. Peterman: She's gone. Bosco? [George shrugs]

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: I'll bet I can guess it.
George: Pssh. Yeah. Right.
Kramer: Oh, all right. Yeah. Uh, let's see. Um, well, we can throw out birthdays immediately. That's too obvious. And no numbers for you, you're a word man. All right, let's go deeper. Uh, what kind of man are you? Well, you're weak, spineless. A man of temptations. But what tempts you?
George: Huh?
Kramer: You're a portly fellow, a little long in the waistband. So what's your pleasure? Is it the salty snacks you crave? No, no, no, no, no, yours is a sweet tooth.
George: Get out of here.
Kramer: Oh, you may stray, but you'll always return to your dark master, the cocoa bean.
George: I'm leaving.
Kramer: No, and only the purest syrup nectar can satisfy you!
George: I gotta go.
Kramer: If you could you'd guzzle it by the gallon! Ovaltine! Hershey's!
George: Shut up!
Kramer: Nestle's Quik!
George: Shut up!

Quote from Susan Ross

Susan Ross: Hi. Here's your cash, George.
George: Hm. Thanks.
Susan Ross: And here's your card back. Anyone for Bosco?

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: They really got us trained to use that cash machine now, don't they? We're just like chickens in an experiment waiting for that pellet to come down the chute. You see people at the cash machine; they're just there. Just... They're waiting for the sound, you know the sound, you're waiting for the sound. That's what we're trained to hear, the here comes the money sound, you know? It's exciting, don't you get excited? "It's coming! It's coming! They're giving me money!"

Quote from George

Jerry: So why didn't you tell her the code?
George: No. No way.
Jerry: George, you're gonna marry this woman. Most likely.
George: It says very clearly, "For your protection, do not give your secret code to anyone."
Jerry: So you're taking relationship advice from Chemical Bank now?
George: Why does everything have to be "us"? Is there no "me" left? Why can't there be some things just for me? Is that so selfish?
Jerry: Actually, that's the definition of selfish.

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: I'm gonna do some TV spots for Leapin' Larry's Appliance Store. That was Leapin' Larry himself, I'm gonna meet with him tomorrow.
Kramer: Leapin' Larry! Yeah, that's where I bought this.
Jerry: What is that?
Kramer: Well, it's an emergency-band scanner, it picks up everything: Fires, harbor patrol, even the police. I'm watching the watchers, Jerry. [listens] Uh-oh, we got a big fire on 115th. God, I tell you if could do it over again, I'd give it all up to be a fireman.
Jerry: Yeah, those civil servants who risk their lives really got it made.
Kramer: When I was a kid, all I ever dreamed of was steering the back of that big hook and ladder.
Jerry: You're lucky they let you drive a car.
Kramer: No, no, no. They're talking the West Side Highway, at this time of day that's insane. They're heading straight into gridlock. Oh, those fools. [runs out]

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