Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The Caddy’ Quotes

Seinfeld: The Caddy

712. The Caddy

Aired January 25, 1996

George gives the impression he's working 'round the clock when he locks his car keys in his car at the stadium. Meanwhile, Elaine is disturbed by her friend, Sue Ellen (Brenda Strong), who doesn't wear a bra.

Quote from Jackie Chiles

Kramer: Well, the we saw this woman, and she was wearing a bra with no top.
Jackie Chiles: No top? She didn't have a top on?
Kramer: No. So I got distracted and I crashed the car.
Jackie Chiles: Well, how would you describe this woman? Would you say she was an attractive woman?
Kramer: Oh, yeah.
Jackie Chiles: So we got an attractive woman, wearing a bra, no top, walking around in broad daylight. She's flouting society's conventions!
Kramer: She was flouting.
Jackie Chiles: That's totally inappropriate. It's lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous!
Kramer: Kramer: It was outrageous.

Rate

Quote from Jackie Chiles

Kramer: And she's the heir to the O'Henry candy bar fortune.
Jackie Chiles: Could you repeat that?
Kramer: I said she's the heir to the O'Henry candy bar fortune.
Jackie Chiles: O'Henry? That's one of our top-selling candy bars. It's got chocolate, peanuts, nougat. It's delicious, scrumptious, outstanding! Have you been to a doctor?
Kramer: No.
Jackie Chiles: [over intercom] Susie, call Dr. Bison, set up an appointment for Mr. Kramer. Tell him it's for me.
Kramer: So what do you think, Jackie? I mean we got a case?
Jackie Chiles: Like taking candy from a baby.

Quote from George

George: Assistant to the General Manager! You know what means? He'd could be asking my advice on trades. Trades, Jerry. I'm a heartbeat away!
Jerry: That's a hell of an organization they're running up there. I can't understand why they haven't won a pennant in 15 years.
George: And it is all because of that car. You see, Steinbrenner is like the first guy in, at the crack of dawn. He sees my car, he figures I'm the first guy in. Then, the last person to leave is Wilhelm. He see my car, he figures I'm burning the midnight oil. Between the two of them, they think I'm working an 18 hour day!
Jerry: Locking your keys in your car is the best career move you ever made.

Quote from Estelle Costanza

Mr. Steinbrenner: [knocks] Mrs. Costanza?
Estelle Costanza: Yes?
Mr. Steinbrenner: My name is George Steinbrenner, I'm afraid I have some very sad new about your son.
[cut to the Costanza's living room:]
Estelle Costanza: I can't believe it, he was so young. How could this have happened?
Mr. Steinbrenner: Well, he'd been logging some pretty heavy hours, first one in in the morning, last one to leave at night. That kid was a human dynamo.
Estelle Costanza: Are you sure you're talking about George?
Mr. Steinbrenner: You are Mr. and Mrs. Costanza?

Quote from Mr. Steinbrenner

George: Anyway, as I was lying in the puddle, I think I may have found a way for us to get Bonds and Griffey, and we wouldn't have to give up that much.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Well, don't tell it to me George, tell it to the new Assistant to the General Manager.
George: I didn't get the job?
Mr. Steinbrenner: Well, once you were dead, we couldn't just sit on our hands. We had to make a move...
[A dejected George turns to leave, no longer walking with the aid of the crutches. He takes the bandage off his head and closes the door.]
Mr. Steinbrenner: But, you still have your old job. Of course, we'll have to dock you for the time you missed. We're running a ball club here. If I give special treatment to you, everyone will want it. Next thing you know its chaos! And I can tell you this, chaos does not work for the New York Yankees! Not as long as I'm running the show!

Quote from Jackie Chiles

Jackie Chiles: Your honor, we request at this time, that Miss Mishke try on the bra.
Judge: This court will come to order. Go ahead, Miss Mishke, try it on.
[Sue Ellen attempts to put the bra on over her top, but it's too small]
Sue Ellen: It doesn't fit. I can't put it on.
Jackie Chiles: [to Kramer and Stan] Damn fools! Look at that! We got nothing now! Nothing! I've been practicing law for 25 years, you're listening to a caddy! This is a public humiliation! You can't let the defendant
have control of the key piece of evidence. Plus, she's trying it on over a leotard. Of course a bra's not gonna fit on over a leotard. A bra gotta fit right up a person's skin. Like a glove!

Quote from Frank Costanza

Frank Costanza: [on Jerry's answering machine] Jerry, it's Frank Costanza. Mr. Steinbrenner is here, George is dead, call me back!

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: Was it a tall woman, in a black blazer?
Jerry: Yeah!
Elaine: [gasps] That's Sue Ellen Mishke!
Jerry: Sue Ellen Mishke?
Elaine: That's the bra I gave here. She's wearing it as a top! A woman is walking around in broad daylight with nothing but a bra on. She's a menace to society.

Quote from Mr. Steinbrenner

Mr. Steinbrenner: Come in! [Wilhelm enters] Ah, Wilhelm.
Wilhelm: Mr. Steinbrenner, I am very concerned about George Costanza.
Mr. Steinbrenner: How about a "good morning"?
Wilhelm: Yes, sir. Good morning. Good morning, sir.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Good morning to you, Wilhelm.
Wilhelm: Anyway, his car's in the parking lot. The front end is bashed in, and there's blood in the car, and we can't find him anywhere. Obviously, he was in some sort of terrible car accident, and, trooper
that he is, he tried to make it into work, sir.
Mr. Steinbrenner: All right, Wilhelm, listen to me. I want the stadium scoured. He could be bleeding to death in the bullpen. Put everyone on alert. Check all the area hospitals, clinics, shelters. We've gotta find that kid.
Wilhelm: Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Mr. Steinbrenner: We must find George. Find him, Wilhelm!

Quote from Mr. Steinbrenner

Mr. Steinbrenner: What is with these people, all day long. Come in, come in.
Wilhelm: Mr. Steinbrenner, you know, we've searched everywhere. There's no sign of him. Not even anyone who remotely fits his description, sir.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Oh my God, do you know what this means, Wilhelm?
Wilhelm: What, sir?
Mr. Steinbrenner: He's dead! Costanza's dead!
Wilhelm: Well, no, no, sir. You see, I don't think-
Mr. Steinbrenner: Oh, as quickly as he came here, he's gone. The poor little guy! Easy. Easy, big Stein, get it together. Okay, Wilhelm.
Wilhelm: Yes, sir?
Mr. Steinbrenner: Find out where his parents live.
Wilhelm: Parents.
Mr. Steinbrenner: I'm gonna personally notify them. And, uh, line up some candidates to fill that assistant to the General Manager position. We can't grieve forever! We gotta get back to business! Back to business, Wilhelm!

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: I don't know why people are surprised when someone gets hit in the head with a golf ball. Have you ever watched these tournaments on TV? You got 600 people crowding around a hole that big and no one can believe it when a Titleist gets bounced off someone's coconut. You know, you throw a rock into a crowd, that's considered terrorism. But if you have a nice follow-through, you know, that's golf. I'm always impressed with the golf cameraman whose job it is to follow the golf ball when it's in the sky. You know what I mean, it's a little white ball doing 100 miles an hour on a white background. "I got it. I lost it. I got it. I lost it." Why bother? Aim the camera at the sky. Aim it at the ground. Take a ball out of your pocket. Throw it down. Who's gonna know where the hell it came from?

Quote from Elaine

Sue Ellen: Elaine? [waves] Hi!
Elaine: [inner monologue] Oh, great. It's the bra-less wonder. Who does she think she's kidding? Look at her, she's totally out of control.
Sue Ellen: I was thinking that woman looks like Elaine Benes.
Elaine: Yeah. What have you been up to?
Sue Ellen: I've just been hanging out.
Elaine: [nods] I see.

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: You don't understand. See, she hasn't changed at all. She stole my boyfriend when I was in high school. I was at this party, and I was dating this really cute guy, his name was Tom Cosley, by the way, and she goes walking by, in this little floozy outfit, and he follows her, right out the door!
Jerry: She's your Lex Luthor!
Elaine: Her birthday's coming up, so I decided to get her a little present.
Jerry: What are you going to get her?
Elaine: A very traditional, a very supportive, brassiere.
Jerry: There's nothing subtle about that.
George: No, no, she might just think its a gift.
Jerry: Have I ever bought you a jock strap as a gift?

Quote from George

Jerry: What the hell are you doing here, aren't you supposed to be at work?
George: Yeah, well I'm thinking about getting out of town with Susan for a few days. Her parents rebuilt the cabin.
Jerry: So, you're just taking off from work?
George: They won't know. I got the car there.
Jerry: Do you think this is such a good idea, with you being on the verge of this big promotion?
George: My presence, in that office, can only hurt my chances.

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: Hey, what are you up to?
Kramer: Nothing.
Jerry: Do you wanna go with me up to the Bronx and see if there's any flyers on George's car?
Kramer: Sure!
Jerry: I guess I could have said just about anything there, couldn't I?
Kramer: Yep.

Quote from Jerry

Elaine: My God, are you okay?
Kramer: Well, I got a cut on my head and I banged my shoulder.
Jerry: I guess I have to bring his car back up to the stadium, if it can make it.
Elaine: So how did this happen?
Jerry: He was staring at some woman!
Kramer: Well, I couldn't help it, you saw what she was wearing.
Elaine: What woman?
Jerry: There was this beautiful woman walking down the street wearing just a bra. I can't get that image out of my mind.

Quote from Frank Costanza

Frank Costanza: What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for?! He had 30 home runs, over 100 RBIs last year. He's got a rocket for an arm. You don't know what the hell you're doing!!
Mr. Steinbrenner: Well, Buhner was a good prospect, no question about it. But my baseball people love Ken Phelps' bat. They kept saying "Ken Phelps, Ken Phelps".

Quote from George

George: [on the phone] Okay, I gotta head back right away, I'll- I got to figure something out here.
Jerry: Well, you got to call your parents.
George: I can't. Steinbrenner might still be there.
Jerry: Aren't you gonna tell your parents you're still alive?
George: No, they could use the break.

Quote from J. Peterman

J. Peterman: Elaine, do you see this? Do you see what I'm holding is my hands?
Elaine: Yeah, it's a bra.
J. Peterman: I saw a woman in our hallway wearing one of these as a top. What exquisite beauty, I ran down the hallway to talk to her, but the elevator door closed. It was not to be. Perhaps our paths will cross again some day.
Elaine: What is this all about?
J. Peterman: I wanna market this item as a new direction in women's fashion. We're gonna sell this as a top. Here's the angle: Zelda Fitzgerald... somebody in the '20s, wearing this at wild parties, driving all the men crazy. Have it on my desk by the end of the week.

Quote from George

Mr. Steinbrenner: Come in, come in.
[George, using two crutches, enters with a bandage on his forehead]
George: Mr. Steinbrenner.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Ah, ah! Is it you?
George: Yeah, it's me sir. It's been a harrowing few days. After the car accident, I crawled into a ditch and managed to survive on grubs and puddle water until a kindly old gentleman picked me up.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Grubs, huh? Gotta admit, I never tasted one of those.


 Episode 711 Episode 713 
  Select another episode