Kramer: You know, you really shouldn't brush 24 hours before seeing the dentist.
Jerry: I think that's eat 24 hours before surgery.
Kramer: Oh, no, you got to eat before surgery. You need your strength.

George: I have to go see Steinbrenner later. Mr Wilhelm told him that I was the one responsible for stealing all the merchandise.
Jerry: Why?
George: 'Cause when he questioned me about it I was sweating from the Kung Pao.
Jerry: I don't know how you can eat that spicy chicken,
George: George likes spicy chicken.
Jerry: What's that?
George: I like spicy chicken.
Jerry: No, no. You said George likes spicy chicken.
George: No, I didn't.
Elaine: Yes, you did. You said George likes spicy chicken.
Jerry: You're turning in to Jimmy.
George: George is getting upset!

Elaine: You know, I've never heard anyone talk the way you do. It's very unusual.
Jimmy: Well, Jimmy's very unusual.
Elaine: Well, anyway, see when I made the date, I thought that Jimmy...
Jimmy: Hey, look. Hank's got a new boyfriend. Jimmy's not threatened by Hanks sexuality. Jimmy's happy for Hank.
Elaine: Elaine once tried to convert one, but Elaine's not going to go through that again.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: Buying shoes is one of the great shopping challenges. Did you ever see someone put on new pair of shoes? They turn into a zombie as they start walking around the store. "Yeah, these are pretty good." Then they have that little 1-foot-high mirror there. What is that about? So I can see what cats will think of my shoes? What is that angle? Bum passed out on the curb, "Hey, what do you think of these? I just got them. I've seen them from that angle myself."

Jerry: I can't believe you're going out with him...
Elaine: Why?
Jerry: I dunno. He's so strange.
Elaine: How so?
Jerry: Didn't you notice he always refers to himself in the third person? "Jimmy can dunk." "Jimmy's new in town." "Jimmy will see you later."
Elaine: No, no, wait a minute. That's not him. That's the guy who gave me Jimmy's number.
Jerry: That's Jimmy. That's the way he talks.
Elaine: I'm going to go see Mel Tormé with him?
Jerry: Jimmy's gonna put the moves on Elaine.

George: You wanted to see me Mr. Steinbrenner?
Mr. Steinbrenner: Yes, George. Come in. Come in. You know, George, I've been your biggest supporter around here and that's why I was so disappointed to hear that you been pilfering the equipment.
George: George would never do anything like that.
Mr. Steinbrenner: No, why would I? I own it.
George: Right.
Mr. Steinbrenner: So what are you saying?
George: Why would George steal from the Yankees?
Mr. Steinbrenner: He wouldn't.
George: 'course not.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Exactly. [mumbles] I don't really know what the hell's going on here.
George: Sir?
Mr. Steinbrenner: Nothing.
George: Well, I was thinking it's about time for George's lunch.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Yes, it is. All right, let's see what I have today. Oh, darn it. It's ham & cheese again. And she forgot the fancy mustard. I told her I like that fancy mustard. You know, you could put that fancy mustard on a shoe and it would taste pretty good to me. Oh, she made it up with a cupcake, though. Hey, look at this. You know, I got a new system for eating these things, George. I used to peel off the chocolate, now I turn them upside down. I eat the cake first and save the frosting for the end. It's almost a dessert dessert.

Wilhelm: So, George, have you heard anything about the missing equipment?
George: No. Not a thing.
Wilhelm: You know, George, there's nothing I hate more than a liar.
George: Well, there's no room for someone like that in this organization.
Wilhelm: Are you feeling all right, George?
George: Huh, what?
Wilhelm: You look a little warm.
George: It's the chicken
Wilhelm: You're a terrible liar, George. Look at you, you're a wreck! You're sweating bullets.
George: It's the Kung Pao. George likes his chicken spicy.

Elaine: Hey, listen. Do either of you guys know that... that blond guy who's always on the Exercycle at the health club. You know, he's just really handsome?..
George: I... I wouldn't know.
Elaine: You know, just admitting a man is handsome doesn't necessarily make you a homosexual.
George: It doesn't help.

George: What day is today? Aw, Tuesday! Damn it. I shouldn't have worked out today. Mr Wilhelm has called a big meeting and now I'm gonna be sweating through the whole thing.
Jerry: Why. You took a shower?
George: Ah, it wouldn't take. Ten minutes from now, I'll be sweating all over again. I can feel it. I'm a human heat pump!
Kramer: You should take cold showers.
George: Cold showers? They're for psychotics.
Kramer: Well, I take them. They give me a whoosh!

Kramer: So you got any cavities?
Jerry: Just one. Gotta go back. Oh, but get this. And Elaine, you will appreciate this. I'm sitting in Tim Whatley's waiting room, he's got a Penthouse right out on the table.
Elaine: Penthouse?
Jerry: Yeah! What is that? I mean isn't that sick. I mean, I'd be embarrassed to have that in my apartment.
Kramer: So what's wrong with that?
Jerry: He's a doctor! I mean, it's supposed to be like a sterile environment.
Kramer: So, did you take a look?
Jerry: Of course. But that's got nothing to do with it.
Kramer: Well, I'll tell you I'm looking forward to my appointment on Thursday. I might even get there a few minutes early.