[stand-up:]
Jerry: Apparently, Plato, who came up with the concept of the platonic relationship, was pretty excited about it. He named it after himself. He said "Yeah, I got this new thing, 'platonic'. My idea, my name, calling it after myself. What I do is, I go out with the girls, I talk with them. Don't do anything. And go right home. What do you think? I think it's going to be big!'' I bet you there were other guys in history that tried to get relationships named after them, but it didn't work. You know, I bet you there were guys who tried to do it, just went: "Hi, my name's Rico. Would you like to go to bed immediately? Hey, it's a 'Riconic' relationship..."

Vanessa: What are you doing here?
Jerry: Oh, we're meeting a friend of ours for lunch. He works here in the building.
George: Yeah, Art Vandelay.
Vanessa: Really? Which company?
Jerry: I don't know.
George: I don't really know.
Jerry: He's an importer.
Vanessa: Importer?
George: And exporter.
Jerry: He's an importer/exporter.

Jerry: What's the young man's name? I would like to meet him.
Elaine: I don't think so.
Jerry: Well, what does he do? Is he an artisan, a craftsman, a laborer of some sort?
Elaine: Wall Street.
Jerry: Ah, high finance: bulls... bears... people from Connecticut.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: So, I'm on line at the supermarket. Two women in front of me. One of them, her total was eight dollars. The other, three dollars. They both of course choose to pay by the use of the... check. Now, the fact is, if it's a woman in front of you that's writing the check, you will not be waiting long. I have noticed that women are very fast with checks, you know, 'cause they write out so many checks. The keys, they can never find in their purse, they don't know where that is. But the check book, they got that. They never fumble for the check book. The check book comes out of a holster, "Who do I make it out to? There's my ID''. There's something about a check that, to a man, is not masculine. I don't know exactly what it is... I think to a man, a check is like a note from your mother that says, "I don't have any money, but if you'll contact these people, I'm sure they'll stick up for me... If you just trust me this one time. I don't have any money but I have these... I wrote on these. Is this of any value at all?"

Jerry: What is his name?
George: Bert... Har... bin... son. Bert Har-bin-son.
Jerry: Bert Harbinson? It sounds made up.
George: No good? All right, how about Art... Core.....
Jerry: Art Core...
George: ...velay...
Jerry: Corvelay?
George: Yeah, right.
Jerry: Well, what does he do?
George: He's an importer.
Jerry: Just imports, no exports?
George: He's an importer/exporter, okay?

Jerry: Wait a second. That's her on the right.
George: I forgot who I am! Who am I?!
Jerry: You're you. We're having lunch with Art Corvelay.
George: Vandelay!
Jerry: Corvelay!
George: Let me be the architect, I can do it!

George: I'm, uh, I'm an architect.
Vanessa: Really. What do you design?
George: Uh... Railroads.
Vanessa: I thought engineers do that.
George: They can.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: You know, I think that even if you've had a relationship with someone... or let's say, especially if you've had a relationship with someone and you try to become friends afterwards, it's very difficult. Isn't this? It's hard. Because, you know each other so well, you know all of each others tricks. It's like two magicians, trying to entertain each other. The one goes, "Look, a rabbit." The other goes, "So? ... I believe that's your card." "Look, why don't we just saw each other in half and call it a night? Okay?"

Jerry: What's that one?
Elaine: Cocoon II: The Return. I guess they didn't like it up there...
Jerry: Maybe they came back for Chinese food. You know Maureen Stapleton, if she gets a craving, she's probably screamin' at those aliens, "I gotta have a lo mein!"

Elaine: Okay, what're we doing here? I have seen everything.
Jerry: Oh yeah? I don't believe you've seen... this.
Elaine: Oh, lovely.
Jerry: Yeah.
Elaine: What do you think their parents think?
Jerry: "So, uh, what's your son doing now, Dr. Stevens?" "Oh, he's a public fornicator. Yes, he's a fine boy."