Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.

Newman: Gentlemen, gentlemen. I am so happy to see you both. There is just some inconsistencies I'd like to straighten out.
Jerry: I'm clean and you know it.
Newman: Clean? Hardly. This doesn't like like a man that is happy with his stereo performance, now, does it?
Jerry: Where did you get that?
George: I think that's one of mine.
Newman: It looks like you're breaking into it like an otter breaks open a clam.
Jerry: Well, I don't know about that but I'm sure there is a explanation.
Newman: Yes, it's called mail fraud. Oh, how I've longed for this moment, Seinfeld. The day when I would have the proof I needed to hall you out of your cushy lair and expose to the light of justice as the monster that you are. A monster so vile!
Co-worker: Newman!
Newman: There will be a small fine.
Jerry: Okay.

Elaine: And then he starts writing on my chart.
George: Well, why don't you get a hold of it and change what you don't like?
Elaine: You can't change your chart. It's your chart.
George: I am in and out of my personnel file at work all the time.
Elaine: You are?
George: Hey, I've kept the same job for more than two years. It's not luck.

Attendant: May I help you?
Kramer: Yes, yes. I am Dr. Van Nostrand from the clinic. I'm gonna need Elaine Benes chart. She's a patient of mine and... I don't think she's not going to make it. It's, uh, very bad. It's very messy.
Attendant: I see and what clinic is that again?
Kramer: That's correct.
Attendant: Excuse me.
Kramer: From the Hoffermandorf Neo Clinic in Belgium.
Attendant: Really?
Kramer: The Netherlands?

[As she waits for the doctor, Elaine takes a peek at her chart]
Elaine: [inner monologue] Difficult?
Doctor: Elaine, you shouldn't be reading that. So tell me about this rash of yours.
Elaine: Well it's... It's... You know, I noticed that someone wrote in my chart that I was difficult in January of '92, and I have to tell you that I remember that appointment exactly. You see this nurse asked me to put a gown on but it was a mole on my shoulder and, actually, I had specifically wore a tank top so I wouldn't have to put a gown on. You know, they're made of paper.
Doctor: Well, that was a long time ago. How about if I just erase it? Now, about that rash?
Elaine: But it was in pen. You fake erased.
Doctor: All right, Miss Benes. This doesn't look to serious. You should be fine.
Elaine: What are you writing? [The doctor walks away] Doctor.

George: Why'd you refuse that? Everybody loves a package.
Jerry: I don't know. It was weird. Crazy printing. I don't know who it was from.
George: What do you think, it's a bomb?
Jerry: It's not totally impossible.
George: Oh, the ego on you.
Jerry: Why can't I be bomb-able?
George: Who's going to bomb you? An airline for all the stupid little peanut jokes?
Jerry: Oh, I suppose you think your bomb-able.
George: Hey, there's a couple of people that wouldn't mind having me out of the way.
Jerry: There's more than a couple.

Kramer: Boy, I really miss the Bermuda Triangle.
Newman: I guess there's not much action down there these days.
Kramer: Oh, there's action. There's plenty of action. It's that damn alien autopsy stealing all the headlines.
Newman: Yeah, tell me about it.
Kramer: See, what they gotta do is lose a plane or a Greenpeace boat. See, that would get the Triangle going again.
Newman: What keeps the water in there? I mean, why doesn't that disappear?
Kramer: Now, what would be the point of taking the water?
Newman: It's gorgeous water. Do we own Bermuda?
Kramer: No, it belongs to the British.
Newman: Lucky Krauts.
Kramer: So what do you think of that alien autopsy?
Newman: Oh, that's real.
Kramer: I think so too.

Elaine: You are not going to believe what happened to me at the doctor's office today.
Jerry: Not the gown again.
Elaine: No, no. I was looking at my chart, and it said I was difficult. Why would they write that?
Jerry: They have gotten to know you.
Elaine: And then the doctor writes more stuff down there, and he doesn't even look at my rash.
George: Why don't you find a doctor that doesn't know you're difficult?
Elaine: Oh, come on. I'm not difficult. I'm easy.
Jerry: Why, because you dress casual and sleep with a lot of guys?
Elaine: Listen to me you little shi...
George: Smile.

Newman: All right. All right. Then let me ask you this. Didn't you find it interesting that your friend had the foresight to purchase postal insurance for your stereo? Huh. I mean, parcels are rarely damaged during shipping.
Jerry: Define rarely.
Newman: Frequently.
Jerry: Are we about through here, Newman?
Newman: It's pretty hot under these lights, huh, Seinfeld? Pretty... Hot.
Jerry: [sips soda] Actually, I am quite comfortable.
Newman: Can I have a sip?
Jerry: No.

Elaine: Get in there, get the chart, get out. You got it?
Kramer: Yeah, let me borrow your scarf.
Elaine: This?
Kramer: Yeah. All right. One chart coming up.
Elaine: Okay.
Kramer: It's Bennett right?
Elaine: It's Benes, you jackass. My last name is Benes. [off Kramer's look] Yeah.