Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The Diplomat's Club’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Seinfeld: The Diplomat's Club

622. The Diplomat's Club

Aired May 4, 1995

Jerry's booking agent, Katie (guest star Debra Jo Rupp), thinks he's some big celebrity who needs to be pampered and have everything explained to him. Meanwhile, Mr. Pitt adds Elaine to his will, and George tries to show his boss that he has African-American friends.

Quote from George

Jerry: Maybe he looks a little like Sugar Ray Leonard.
George: A little? Come on.
Jerry: Well, you still shouldn't have said it.
George: You think Morgan thinks I have a racial bias?
Jerry: Maybe.
George: Boy, that is so unfair. I would've marched on Selma if it was in Long Island.
Jerry: So you would have marched on Great Neck?
George: Absolutely. I still might. I always hated those girls. They would never date me.

Rate

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: How about the little scam the airlines have going now with these special clubs? $150 a year to sit in a room, eat peanuts, drink coffee and soda, and read magazines. Excuse me, but isn't this the flight? I already got four hours of this coming to me. What am I paying for? How about an "I got all my luggage club"? Can I get into that club? Where is that club? I would like to join that club. Airlines love to divide us into classes. You know, like when you're sitting in coach, the stewardess always closes that stupid curtain. Always gives you that look, like, "Maybe if you would work a little harder..."

Quote from Newman

Newman: Okay, here it is.
Kramer: Good. (To Earl) Here's my collateral.
Earl: So it's a mailbag. So what?
Newman: So what? Do you know whose mailbag that is?
Earl: "David Berkowitz."
Newman: Son of Sam. The worst mass murderer the post office ever produced.
Earl: Where did you get this?
Newman: I took over his route. And boy, were there a lot of dogs on that route.
Earl: Any of them talking to you?
Newman: Just to tell me to keep off the snacks! [all laugh]
Earl: [to Kramer] Your buddy's a hell of a guy.
Kramer: Yeah, don't I know it.

Quote from George

George: Jerry, I need to borrow your camera.
Jerry: Why?
George: Well, I wanna put a picture of me and my boss Mr. Morgan up in the office.
Jerry: What for?
George: Well, he's reorganizing the staff, and I'm on thin ice with this guy as it is.
Jerry: Isn't putting this guy's picture on your desk a little transparent?
George: It better be.

Quote from George

George: I love this place. You know, Karl and I come here all the time.
Mr. Morgan: Is that right?
Karl: Yeah, I come here all the time. You wouldn't believe the rat droppings in the kitchen. [George spits out his food]
Mr. Morgan: Oh, so you really are an exterminator. This time, George, you've sunk to a new low. [exits]
George: Check, please.
African-American Waiter: Hey, Sugar Ray Leonard can eat here on the house.
George: Mr. Morgan! Did you hear that? Mr. Morgan!

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: So what are you doing about Morgan?
George: You know what would be great? If he could just see me with some of my black friends.
Jerry: Yeah, except you don't really have any black friends. Outside of us, you don't have any white friends either.

Quote from George

Jerry: Hey. Elaine's quitting.
George: Really?
Elaine: I'm marching in.
George: Ha. I've done the march in. Best feeling in the world.
Jerry: How about the march out?
George: Not as good. That's when you realize all the money you're losing.

Quote from George

George: [answers intercom] Hello, Joe?
Joe: Who is this?
George: It's me. George Costanza.
Joe: Who?
George: Remember I was here a while back? We watched Breakfast at Tiffany's together.
Joe: What do you want?
George: Well, I've rented another video, Joe. And there's some popcorn. I thought we could do it again.
Joe: Go away.
[Joe's daughter Remy walks into the building]
George: Remy. Hi.
Remy: You?!? What are you doing here?
George: Well, I got another Audrey Hepburn movie.
Joe: Remy, is that you?
Remy: Daddy, that man is here again.
Joe: Remy, I want you up here instantly.
George: You know, Remy, I was thinking. Last time we were together, you... [door slams]

Quote from Jerry

Katie: Jerry, listen, just so you know, before we take off they're gonna tell us what to do in the event of a crash.
Jerry: Yes, I know. I've flown before.
Katie: Oh, good. I just didn't want you to freak out. The chance of a crash is very slim. Do you have to go to the bathroom?
Jerry: No.
Katie: ... Because even if you have [Jerry gets up to go] to go a little you'd better go now because you won't get another chance until way after take off.

Quote from Jerry

Katie: It's a pretty full house. The lighting guy's name is Lew. He's got a birthday next week.
Jerry: I don't care.
Katie: By the way, Jerry, I don't want you to freak out, but the pilot is going to be in the audience.
Jerry: Who?
Katie: Remember the plane we took here? The pilot is going to be sitting out there watching the show.
Jerry: I don't care. Why are you telling me this?
Katie: I just didn't want you to freak out when you saw him.
Jerry: Why would I freak out? [to himself] Pilot?!
Man: [o.s.] Ladies and gentlemen, a big hand for Mr. Jerry Seinfeld!
Jerry: Hey, all right. Good afternoon, Ithaca. Welcome. Good to see you here. Boy, I'll tell you, there's an awful lot of those orange cones you have on the throughway... [sees the pilot] on the way... up here... Um... I... I... Um...

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode