Seinfeld Quotes



The ultimate "show about nothing" follows comedian Jerry Seinfeld and his friends George, Elaine and Kramer.

Starring: Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards.
Recurring Actors: Wayne Knight, Estelle Harris, Jerry Stiller, Liz Sheridan, Barney Martin, Len Lesser, Larry David, John O'Hurley, Phil Morris, Patrick Warburton, Heidi Swedberg.
Original Run: 1989-1998.

Quote of the Day

Quote from George in The Busboy

Jerry: Anywhere in the city?
George: Anywhere in the city, I'll tell you the best public toilet.
Jerry: Okay. Fifty-fourth and Sixth?
George: Sperry-Rand Building. 14th floor, Morgan Apparel. Mention my name. She'll give you the key.
Jerry: All right. Sixty-fifth and Tenth.
George: [scoffs] Are you kidding? Lincoln Center. Alice Tully Hall, the Met. Magnificent facilities.


Popular Quotes

Quote from Elaine in The Muffin Tops

Woman: I can't believe somebody pulled the top off of this muffin.
Elaine: That was me. I'm sorry. I don't like the stumps.
Mr. Lippman: So you just eat the tops?
Elaine: Oh, yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy. It's explosive. It's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.

Quote from Kramer in The Package

Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.

Quote from George in The Kiss Hello

George: I still don't see why I can't ask her about my arm.
Elaine: She's a physical therapist. She doesn't want to have to deal with that outside of the office.
George: Why not?
Elaine: Because it is what she does.
George: I love these people! You can't ask them questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius unless it's in the confines of an office! When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
Elaine: George, you got a little something, right here.
George: [wiping face] These people think they're so important!

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Quote from Jerry in The Foundation

George: What were you saying to the Rosses over there, anyway?
Jerry: Oh, I don't know. I told them, "Her death takes place in the shadow of new life. She's not really dead if we find a way to remember her."
George: What is that?
Jerry: Star Trek II.
George: Wrath of Khan!
Jerry: Right. Kramer and I saw it last night. Spock dies and they wrap him up in a towel, and they shoot him out the bowel of the ship in that big sunglasses case.
George: That was a hell of a thing when Spock died.
Jerry: Yeah.

Quote from Jerry in The Maestro

Jerry: Yeah, you know the other day how you mentioned that there were no houses available in Tuscany?
Maestro: You didn't find one, did you?
Jerry: No. I'm not really looking.
Maestro: Nor should you.
Jerry: But are you telling me there's not one house to rent in all of Tuscany?
Maestro: The houses are passed down from generation to generation. It's very hard.
Jerry: I can't get a sublet, a guest room, a cot, nothing?
Maestro: It's booked solid!
Elaine: It's booked, Jerry!
Jerry: How'd you get yours?
Maestro: Got lucky. Come on, Elaine, let's take a ride, I was about to pop in some Verdi.
[Elaine sings "La donna è mobile" as she gets into the Maestro's car. They drive away.]
Jerry: Maybe I'll check out France.

Quote from Kramer in The Subway

Kramer: Oh yeah, it's all set. They got the bug boy on it.
Man: The bug boy?
Kramer: Yeah, the little fella's been riding his heart out. They're gonna break his maiden.
Man: Really? But, it's a little bit slow out there. It rained last night.
Kramer: Oh, this baby loves the slop. Loves it, eats it up. Eats the slop. Born in the slop. His father was a mudder.
Man: His father was a mudder?
Kramer: His mother was a mudder.
Man: His mother was a mudder?
Kramer: What did I just say?