Martin: You know, Niles, I think your problem is you still picture yourself as the same geeky kid you were in high school. But you've come a long way since then. And you're not doing yourself any favors sitting home every night. Now just think about it.
[Niles sinks back into the couch and whines]
Daphne: Wine, Dr. Crane?
Niles: Well, wouldn't you?

Niles: This is boring yet difficult.
Martin: Ah, there's no trick to dancing. It's just a matter of coordination. Hell, if you can ride a bike, or skip rope,
or kick a ball, you can certainly...

Niles: Oh, I just stopped by to ask you a question. Are you free Saturday night?
Martin: Sure.
Niles: Well, I'm not. I have a date.
Martin: Oh.
Daphne: Oh. Bravo, Dr. Crane.
Martin: Good for you. Who is she?
Niles: Marjorie Nash, the "Fruit On The Bottom" yogurt heiress. I bumped into her at the Frye museum. Before I knew it, your advice was thundering in my ears. I found myself asking her out. We'll be attending our club's annual winter dance, the "Snow Ball!"
Martin: Good for you.
Daphne: What's she like?
Niles: Well, she's terribly haughty and rumors persist about her husband's death, but still, a date's a date.

Daphne: Well, I think we're ready to move on to the samba. Eddie, fetch me a samba tape. Xavier Cugat. Now he's thinking, "the later Hollywood stuff, or the early New York recordings?"
Martin: Now guess what I'm thinking.

Frasier: Well, we've got about thirty seconds. I think we've got time for one quick call. Hello, Marlene, I'm listening.
Marlene: "Oh my God, I'm really on?"
Frasier: Yes, your problem, please...
Marlene: "[dog barking] Lucky, Lucky, get down. George, get the dog. Oh my God, this is so exciting. [baby crying] Honey, honey, get the baby. George, get your son. Okay, okay, here it is, Dr. Crane: if my husband and I don't find some time to have sex soon, I think I'm gonna burst. I may even have to go to a department store and pick up a stranger. [man calls "Hello"] Oh, kids! Look who's here without calling first, Nana and Pop Pop! I'll call you back. [disconnects]"
Frasier: Well, to all you Marlenes out there, may I suggest that sexwith a stranger is not the answer. Why don't you just pack the kids off with Nana and Pop Pop, lock Lucky downstairs inthe basement, grab your husband, take him to the sturdiest kitchen table you have, and let the postman ring twice.

Martin: Hey Daphne, bring that laundry over here, will you?
Daphne: What for?
Martin: Well, I was just reading about an intelligence test you can give your dog. You throw a towel over its head and see how long it takes him to shake it off. Eddie!
Daphne: Oh, and the faster he takes the towel off, the smarter he is?
Martin: No, the faster he folds it.

Niles: Apparently Maris is going on a three-week cruise. Her friends threw her a bon voyage party. Look at the photo. It's Maris on the arm of Pearson Broadwater.
Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, look. She's just standing there, barely touching him, with only the tiniest bit of a smile on her face.
Niles: You can practically hear the zing zing zing of her heartstrings.

Martin: If she's seeing a whole bunch of people, that means she's not serious about any one of them.
Niles: You think?
Martin: Yeah, sure. They're probably just her escorts. You know how she loves going to parties.
Niles: Yes, and she never liked going anywhere alone. Except to bed.
Martin: More good news.

Martin: Now, I've been teaching him the names of all his chew toys. Eddie, get your banana. [Eddie remains in the elevator] Now he's thinking, "which one's the banana?" Now he's thinking, "What the heck did I do with my banana?"
[The elevator doors close with Martin and Daphne outside]
Daphne: Now he's thinking, "which one's the emergency button?"

Niles: You don't think she'll want me to? I've taken Maris to dozens of these things, she's never once asked to
dance. Of course, Maris dislikes public displays of rhythm.