Frasier: Well, I just hope he hasn't done something foolish. Remember he was having brunch with Maris on Sunday.
Martin: Oh, that was just business.
Frasier: Well, you know, Dad, he is broken-hearted. People in his condition have a tendency to run back to their exes. A lonely man clinging to an available warm body. Well, of course in Maris's case, that's just an expression.

Bonnie: Who wants coffee and pastry?
Niles: Nothing for me, thanks.
Faye: Are you sure? I make a mean nut cake.
Niles: No, that's all right. I'm meeting one for lunch.

Frasier: Daphne, why are you wearing that rubber glove?
Daphne: What, this? I was, um... doing the dishes.
Frasier: With just one?
Daphne: It's the English way. You wash with the left, dry with the right. Started during the war, I think, when rubber was rationed.
Frasier: Oh, yes.

Niles: I'm having lunch with Maris.
Martin: With Maris?
Niles: Yeah. We scheduled this weeks ago. She still has some of my first editions. I thought she might be more amenable to returning them if I took her to her favorite bistro.
Frasier: Well then, the worst you're out is a cup of clear broth.
Niles: No, this is lunch. She takes her large meal in the evening.

[Martin enters the apartment as Niles' cellphone is ringing]
Martin: [answering the phone] Hello?
Frasier: [on his phone] Yes, hello, is Niles Crane there, please?
Martin: [on the phone] Uh, I don't know, I just got here. Let me go check.
[Martin goes into the kitchen]
Martin: Frasier, have you seen Niles?
Frasier: I'm just trying to reach him, Dad.
Martin: Oh, okay.
[Martin returns to the living room]
Martin: [on the phone] No, I'm sorry, he's not here. But I'll write your name down and give it to him. Uh, wait a minute, I've gotta find a pen.
[Martin goes to the kitchen again]
Martin: Frasier, have you seen my-
Frasier: Dad, please, I'm on the phone.
Martin: Well, I'm sorry, I was just looking for a pen! Forget it.
[Martin returns to the living room. Frasier follows him]
Martin: [on the phone] Hello? Listen, could you maybe call back in an hour?
Frasier: Dad?
Martin: Would you mind, please? I'm on the phone!
Frasier: [on his phone] Dad, it's me.
Martin: Frasier, why did you call from the kitchen? You could have just walked in here.
Frasier: Just hang up the phone.

Frasier: Say, didn't you have plans today with Bonnie?
Martin: Oh, it was cut short. We had an incident.
Frasier: Really? What happened?
Martin: Oh, we took the dogs to this park near Bonnie's, and I knew there'd be a little sizing each other up and everything. But this poodle of hers, Lady - which she ain't! - walks up to Eddie, knocks him over and then sits her big French butt right on his head.
Frasier: You're kidding.
Martin: No. And the worst thing was, he just lay there whimpering and took it. And Bonnie, she thought it was really cute. I mean, what kind of a person likes to see a dog humiliated?
Frasier: Dad, may I remind you that not a holiday goes by that you don't dress that dog up in some sort of ridiculous hat?
Martin: Hey, there's nothing wrong with those hats. He looks good in hats. He's got a hat face.

Frasier: Roz, stay right here. Now, you listen to me, I am your friend, you know that. I would never judge you. Now, just how... stupid and lonely were you?
Roz: It's the last person I ever would have dreamed of. I guess I- [Noel walks by and taps on the glass. He waves to Roz]- haven't been dating much lately and I just I've been so lonely.
Frasier: Oh, my God! You slept with Noel.
Roz: No! Ugh! Oh, how could you even think such a thing.
Frasier: All right, just tell me. Who was it?
Roz: Nobody. It doesn't matter. It was a mistake. It's over. I just want to forget it ever happened.
Frasier: Roz. Roz, listen, we've all been there. Come on. You were just looking for a little comfort. It's all right. No reason to beat yourself up about it.
Bulldog: [entering] Hey, baby, I'm sorry I had to skip out before breakfast.
Roz: Oh, Bulldog!
Frasier: Bulldog?!
Roz: Bulldog.
Bulldog: Bulldog!

Martin: Jeez, how do you guys get up in the morning? You want to go into deep analysis? Listen to me, I'm your father. There's nothing wrong with either one of you. [to Frasier] You dump a woman but you can't get her off your mind, so you end up getting dumped by the other one. And you should have stayed with the first one anyway. She was hotter. [to Niles] And you? You're just learning how to date. I mean, it would have been nice if it had happened 25 years ago, but you play the cards you're dealt. Me? I like Bonnie, Bonnie's dog humps Eddie, I don't like Bonnie anymore. It doesn't mean I have "issues with women". It's just life. You know, good stuff happens and bad stuff happens, that's all. You've just gotta look on the bright side.

Roz: God, do you realize how pathetic this is? It's 9:30 on a Saturday night and neither one of us is surprised to see the other one here alone. I've never seen this place looking so grim.
Niles: Oh, this is Mardi Gras compared to half an hour ago, when it was just me and an elderly gentleman who cleaned his teeth with his coffee stirrer, and then put them back in his mouth.

Bonnie: Oh, hold on, you've got a loose button right there.
Niles: No, no. It's all right.
Bonnie: No, it's about to come off.
Niles: No-
Bonnie: [pulling off the button] See? Here, I'll sew it back on for you. [removing Niles' blazer] I've got needle and thread. You don't want to lose it, do you?
Niles: I'm trying not to.