Frasier: I would like to close the show today with a truly inspirational tale. One year ago, a very successful friend of mine was struck by tragedy. Prognosis: not good. Hope: slim. But armed with only fortitude, this friend of mine fought back. I'm talking, of course, about the reopening of Seattle's finest restaurant, Chez Henri. Just goes to show you that a four-alarm fire is no match for five-star courage. This is Frasier Crane saying good day, and good mental health.
Roz: See you still don't have a table for opening night.
Frasier: And it's killing me!

Todd: Hi, Frasier. Whoa, sweet view!
Frasier: Thank you, thank you. That's the Space Needle there, of course, and Elliot Bay. And actually, on a clear day, you can see Mt. Rainier.
Todd: Epic! Is that a Pizza Hut?
Frasier: Well, we did start a petition-
Todd: Well, it must have worked. That is a Pizza Hut.

Kenny: Okay, everyone, it's show time. The new station owner's on his way down. So look alive. Watch what you
say, watch what you don't say. Don't say too much, don't say too little. [wiping his brow] What the hell's this thermostat set at, anyway?

Frasier: Right, and may I say it's truly an honor to be serving under your leadership. This is a great day for KACL, indeed for radio itself.
Roz: I see you decided to skip "glad-handing sycophant" and go straight for "boot-licking kiss-ass."

Daphne: Is that too much?
Martin: Oh no, it feels great, Daph. Lot of elbow grease there today.
Daphne: I suppose I'm a bit wound up. Niles is out with Mel. I don't trust that woman.
Martin: Oh, come on. He's not with her because he wants to be. He's just gonna give her what she wants so she'll give him the divorce. He's crazy about you, you know that.
Daphne: I know. And I'm crazy about him.
[After Daphne stops massaging Martin:]
Martin: Still, Niles has been gone for a long time.

Daphne: Niles.
Niles: Sorry I'm late, Mel picked a restaurant on the other side of town.
Daphne: I'm getting so tired of that woman's antics.
Martin: Antics, that's what they are!
[Martin groans as Daphne digs in deeper with the massage]
Daphne: This whole charade, making you pretend you're a happy couple, it's so unfair.
Martin: Criminal! She won't even allow you to be seen in public together. Did you hear that?
Daphne: Give it up, old man, the massage is over.

Todd: No, I spent my whole life in front of a computer. I don't know Beethoven from... Beethoven's the only one I know.
Frasier: You know, it's never too late to learn. I'd be glad to give you some pointers.
Todd: Really?
Frasier: I'd be delighted. I will play Virgil to your Dante. In a few weeks, I can guarantee you, you will find that delightfully droll.

Niles: I'm meeting Mel here. Oh, which reminds me. [puts on his wedding ring]
Frasier: Oh dear, I am sorry to hear that.
Niles: Oh, no, actually this is wonderful news.
Frasier: Mm-hmm?
Niles: She called. She said my days of playing the devoted husband are coming to an end. Frasier, I think my wife is finally going to dump me.
Frasier: Oh, and they said it would last.

Frasier: You know, actually, I'm celebrating an event myself. You see, I've just become... a mentor.
Niles: Good for you, Frasier, helping the unprivileged.
Frasier: Actually, he's a billionaire.
Niles: Ah, the forgotten minority.

Frasier: It's the new station owner.
Niles: Oh, for heaven's sake, you're mentoring your boss? How did you flatter your way into that job?
Frasier: Well, Niles, I-I didn't. The boy practically begged me. I mean, he got rich overnight, and he's hardly had time to shed his fraternity house ways.
Niles: Sounds like an enormous project.
Frasier: Well, I am a teacher at heart, after all. You know, last night I took him to Le Café du Paradis, to practice sending back wine.