Daphne: Good morning, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: There you are. [holding up a dark sock] What is the meaning of this? Where is his mate?
Daphne: I'm sorry. I don't know what you're talking about.
Frasier: My favorite pair of socks reduced to a single argyle. Nor is this the only example. The keen observer yesterday would have noticed that I left the apartment wearing two shades of black! Explanation, please!
Daphne: I'm sorry, Dr. Crane. I'm forced to do the laundry downstairs, and I guess your socks are just too tempting to the neighbors. Of course, you're welcome to go down there yourself and stand guard.
Frasier: I see. If we had our own washer-dryer, there would be no more lost socks. I will not be strong-armed by threats against my laundry!
Daphne: Suit yourself. I'm off to do a load of your pinks.
Frasier: I don't have any pinks.
Daphne: You will.

Cam: Hello, Crane. Glad you could make it... I guess.
Frasier: Spare me your honey-glazed pleasantries, Cam. I am here to roll up my sleeves and end our feud.
Cam: As am I. That's why I called you.
Frasier: Just for the record, it was my idea to apologize first.
Cam: Well, that seems appropriate, since you're the one who shut off the water and ruined my clothes.
Frasier: That, sir, is a fraction of the story. Since you moved into this building, you have encroached upon my parking space, you have undermined my position with the condo board, and you killed a magnificent Virginia Creeper.
Cam: Which you gleefully encouraged to climb the balcony and choke my dangling ivy.
Frasier: I thought it was marijuana!
Cam: Dangling ivy looks nothing like marijuana!
Frasier: Well, I'm sure I wouldn't know.

Daphne: I've done some calculating, and in the last nine years, I've carried 2.8 tons of laundry approximately 106.4 miles back and forth to the basement. That's the same as carrying an SUV on me back to Canada.
Martin: Maybe we should ask him to buy a washer-dryer.
Daphne: Oh, there's an idea. I was going to suggest moving the apartment closer to the laundry room.

Frasier: Well, Joe has found the source of the leak in my ceiling. It is Cam Winston's brand new washing machine. By Godfrey, this time he's gone too far. As if his noise and noxious presence at the condo board meetings weren't bad enough. Have you ever heard of anything more fury inspiring?
Daphne: I certainly have not. Imagine the cheek of the man, installing an illegal washer-dryer.
Joe: Oh, they're not illegal. A lot of the units have them. You guys have a hookup in the hall closet where you keep all those hats...
Frasier: First of all, I had completely forgotten about the hookup. Second of all, I believe the homburg is poised for a comeback. And third, we have a more immediate problem, in the form of the evil waters of Cam Winston.

Niles: Hello, all. It's called a Segway. My friend Raul at the university is doing an experiment on the psychological effects of technology, and he asked me to ride it around.
Martin: Well, how do you like it?
Niles: Oh, walking is but a distant memory. Better yet, I can redirect the unused energy to other pursuits such as playing Squash or lovemaking.

Cam Winston: What's the matter with your dog? He looks a little glassy-eyed.
Martin: Yeah, he's got a bug. I've got to take him to the vet.
Cam Winston: Well, my mother's a vet, and she happens to be staying with me. I'm sure she wouldn't mind taking a look. Even if it is Frasier's dog.
Martin: Oh, no, he's mine. Frasier can't stand him.
Daphne: Yeah, when he's healthy he jumps on Dr. Crane's bed, drools on his pillow, chews on his slippers...
Cam Winston: Really? We've got to get this little rascal back up on his feet.

Cora: Hello, Daphne. Martin. I just came by to check on my patient.
Daphne: Oh, he's much better. I'm off to do the laundry.
Cora: You don't have your own here?
Daphne: No. We have a hat museum.

Cora: He looks good.
Martin: Well, Eddie's tough. Plus the smartest dog ever.
Cora: I always thought Border Collies were the smartest dogs.
Martin: [laughing] Well, it's obvious you haven't had much exposure to dogs What were you, a zoo doctor?
Cora: No, I just treat pets. And their owners' egos.
Martin: Oh, yeah, tell me. Cat people.

Martin: Well, it's really handy having a vet right here in the building.
Cora: Well, it's only temporary. They're doing some remodeling on my house. It was only supposed to take a few weeks. Then Cam found out. Suddenly I'm getting new bay windows and a kitchen based on something he saw in English Home Magazine. You have no idea.
Martin: Oh, unfortunately, I do.

Cora: Can I fix you some breakfast, baby?
Martin: Oh, just toast and coffee.
Cora: I was talking to Cam.
Martin: Oh, whoops.