Daphne: I'm the one who ruined his treasured collection.
Martin: Oh, all his crap is treasured. But look, don't feel bad. I've broken lots of his stuff.
Daphne: I've never heard of you breaking anything.
Martin: That's because I know how to cover my tracks. Take a look at that fertility god statue over there. It used to be a lot more fertile, if you know what I mean.
Daphne: Oh, my God. This is a Tootsie Roll. That's brilliant.
Martin: Aw, that's nothing. Here, check out this vase. Two years ago, Eddie and me were horsing around and I knocked it over. It took me hours to glue it back together again.
Daphne: Why, you can't even tell. I had no idea you were so devious.
Martin: Come on, I'll show you how to make ginger ale look like fifty year-old brandy.

Frasier: Welcome back, Seattle. Thank you for joining us for this, our two thousandth show. Hard to believe, isn't it Roz?
Roz: No, that feels just about right.

Frasier: Ladies and gentlemen, let's please welcome Microsoft chairman Bill Gates. Good to see you, sir.
Bill Gates: Sorry I was late.
Frasier: That's quite all right.
Bill Gates: I was just talking to an old friend.
Frasier: Yes.
[Noel walks by the window and gives Bill Gates a "Vulcan Salute". Bill gives him a thumbs up]

Frasier: Well, I've got so many questions to ask you. Uh, why don't we just dive right in? I've been wondering, when did you first become a fan of my show?
Roz: Excuse me. Warren from Kirkland is on line two.
Frasier: Yes, Roz, I won't be taking any calls until after Mr. Gates has left.
Roz: Actually, it's for Mr. Gates.
Frasier: Well, go ahead, caller, you're on with Mr. Bill Gates.
Warren: "Yeah, hi, Mr. Gates. I bought your new Windows XP program and I'm about to install it as an upgrade. Do I need to make a boot disk?"
Bill Gates: That's a very good question. You don't need to make a boot disk. You just put the CD in and it'll upgrade.
Frasier: I hope that answers your question, Warren-
Bill Gates: It's a feature of XP. Very quick, very smooth. Hey, this is fun.

Estelle: "Hey, I have a question about multi-lingual user interface add-ons. What are those?"
Bill Gates: Well, the multi-lingual add-ons let you run Windows in...
[As Frasier enters Roz's booth]
Frasier: Can you believe that egomaniacal gasbag? He's taking over my show!
Roz: Don't you think you're exaggerating just a bit?
Bill Gates: Who do we have next, Roz?
Roz: We have Bob, from Freemont. He has a question about his laptop.
Bill Gates: Go ahead, Bob. I'm listening.

Daphne: Two thousand shows. That's quite a milestone.
Niles: It certainly is. Can anyone tell me what happened today? I forgot to listen.
Martin: I just listened for five minutes in case he asks me what my favorite part was.
Daphne: I just say the call from Tacoma. There's bound to be a call from Tacoma.

Frasier: I guarantee you I would never have removed my tape from the case and replaced it with "The Best of Hall and Oates." All right, I won't be mad, just tell me, who did this? [silence] Nobody did this?
Martin: Tell you what, I did it. Now can we go eat?
Frasier: Not so fast, Dad. Okay, let's examine the evidence. A Hall and Oates tape. That rules you out, Dad. And it definitely rules out Niles.
Daphne: [sobbing] Dr. Crane...
Frasier: Or does it? Perhaps the tape is just a red herring, meant to throw me off the scent. A psychological game. There's only one of you that would combat me on that level.
Daphne: I did it.
Frasier: Aha!
Niles: You can't say "Aha!", you thought it was me.

Frasier: Why'd you do it, Daphne?
Daphne: I didn't mean to. I was trying to listen to a tape in that boom box you gave me for Christmas. Only, I wasn't getting any sound and I didn't know if it were the tape or the boom box and I didn't have any other tapes so I grabbed one of your tapes just to test the boom box out and it turns out it was the boom box after all. Only then, I couldn't get it out of the boom box so I used a screwdriver to pry it out and I broke the tape, I'm so sorry.

Frasier: So, did you all listen?
Niles: Oh, did we.
Martin: Great.
Daphne: I especially liked that call from Tacoma.
Frasier: Oh, which one?

Frasier: Bulldog, what the hell are you doing here?
Bulldog: Oh, this is, uh- This is my new job. I, uh, catalog the archive. You know, I clean up a bit. But I figure I'll be back on the air in no time, as long as I attack this job with my trademark "Can Do" attitude.
Frasier: Great. Well, then, we're looking for a copy of my show, episode 893.
Bulldog: No can do.
Frasier: What?
Bulldog: What? I've only been here an hour. I don't even know where the john is. Where's my Power Bar? I had a Power Bar here. Someone stole my Power Bar! This stinks! This is total B.S.! This is... Oh, here it is.