Ronee: Oh, you know, I'm gonna have to make this an early evening. I'm leaving in the morning to visit my mother. She moved last year to Spokane.
Frasier: I remember your mom. She used to chaperone our dances, right?
Ronee: Oh, yeah. She also taught Sunday school and led the church choir.
Frasier: It must have been a very windy day when the apple fell from that tree.

Frasier: You know, eleven years ago when he moved in here, I couldn't imagine a bigger infringement on my life. Now, I can't imagine my life without him.
Niles: It would be very hard to walk into this apartment and see that chair and know that Dad wasn't here anymore.
Frasier: Oh, I'd get rid of that chair immediately.

Niles: Oh, look at this. Dad was right. We're camping and we're having fun. Look how happy we are.
Frasier: No, the car's packed. We're leaving. God, what pains we were. Didn't want to get our hands dirty, didn't want to go fishing, didn't want to sleep on the ground. But he kept taking us, year after year, just so he could spend time with us.
Niles: And frighten us to death with stories of hook-armed slashers.
Frasier: You know, no matter how frightened I got, as soon as Dad started laughing again I knew that everything was safe. You know, I'm not ready to lose him, Niles.
Niles: Me neither. And I don't want my child to miss knowing him. Who else is going to teach him how to catch a football ball?

Nurse: Uh, excuse me, Dr. Crane. I have to verify the paramedic's report. Around seven o'clock this evening you pretended to leave your apartment.
Frasier: Yes, that's right. It's all there. Off you go.
Nurse: Then you dressed up like a clown and lured you father into the living room where you leapt out waving a meat cleaver causing him to collapse.
Niles: You scared him on purpose?
Frasier: It was a joke.
Niles: You know how much he hates clowns. [to the others] My father hates clowns!
Frasier: Yes, well it was only meant as a playful little jolt.
Roz: Why didn't you just throw a toaster in his tub?

Martin: Yesterday, I had a mild, very mild, cardiac event.
Ronee: A what?
Martin: I had a little heart attack.
Ronee: And that's it?
Martin: What do you mean, "that's it"? I had a heart attack, for God's sake!
Ronee: Well, no surgery, home the next day, that's a bee sting. Did they use the paddles?
Martin: No.
Ronee: Well, talk to me after they've used the paddles.
Martin: You had the paddles?
Ronee: All right, let's just say I didn't have the best lipo guy, okay?

Martin: Boo!
Frasier: [high-pitched scream] That is not funny! You don't sneak up on someone and startle them.
Martin: First of all, it's very funny. And secondly, I only did it to prove a point.
Ronee: And you called it. He does scream like a woman.
Frasier: I do not scream like a woman. It was a manly throaty wail.

Niles: Frasier, you may want to call security. As I got off the elevator, I heard a woman screaming hysterically.
Frasier: That was me! I was innocently conducting some Brahms and our madcap father decided to startle me.

Niles: Dad, when'd you get the new cane?
Martin: Oh, Ronee got it for me.
Ronee: Yeah, he's to young for that old-man cane. This is much more his style.
Martin: Give me a top hat and I'm Fred Astaire.
Frasier: Add a monocle and you're Mr. Peanut.

Frasier: It's a very rare disorder. A crippling fear of clowns. Yes, I'm treating a pediatric nurse who's terrified every time one comes to visit the children at her hospital. It's almost cost her her job.
Niles: Poor thing.
Frasier: Yes, although we're making great progress, though. Some rather ground-breaking techniques I've devised. I think we're close to a cure.
Niles: Really?
Frasier: Yes. I wouldn't be surprised if this may turn out to be my clowning achievement.
Niles: That sounded better in you head, didn't it?
Frasier: Vastly.

Martin: Well, I don't blame her for hating clowns. They're weird and creepy. That's one of the reasons I never took you kids to the circus.
Niles: Which I always resented. You know how much I wanted to be a trapeze artist. I even decorated a unitard in the style of the Flying Wallendas to wear when we visited the big top.
Martin: That was the other reason.