Daphne: I know you're upset, Mum, but it's not like you and Dad had a perfect marriage.
Gertrude: That's because there's no such thing. You young modern people think marriage is some sort of promenade through paradise, when it's more like a march through Hell with a man strapped to your back and a litter of nasty babies swinging from your teats!

Simon: Well, I'm just getting some provisions for my trip.
Daphne: What trip?
Simon: Well, I just thought I'd go meet some mates in California.
Daphne: You can't run out on Mum, she's counting on you!
Simon: She's got the other boys back home.
Daphne: They've all sided with Dad, you know that. You're all she's got.
Simon: I'm not cut out to take care of Mum. She's too demanding. She turned Dad into a shiftless drinker. I can't have her doing that to me.

Daphne: It was a good idea taking Mum out today. Helped take her mind off Dad.
Niles: Yeah, although I'm not sure the zoo was the best idea. The sight of those amorous wolverines seemed to set her back a bit.
Daphne: Amorous? I thought they were trying to kill each other.
Niles: Well, either way, it seemed to remind her of something.

Niles: Hello, Mrs. Moon. Would you care for a bite to eat?
Gertrude: Oh, that would be lovely if I thought I could keep anything down. How could your father do this to me? You sleep down the hall from someone for forty years, you think you know them.

Daphne: Obviously, this is a very upsetting time for all of us. But, remember, tomorrow is another day.
Gertrude: You're right, dear. And the sooner you get home to bed, the sooner it'll be here.
Daphne: But it's only 9:30.
Gertrude: And with every tick of the clock, your womanly resistance weakens, and before you know it he'll be on top of you like one of those bloody badgers at the zoo.

Martin: Oh, hey. You still up?
Frasier: I can't sleep. Every time I look outside, I feel like I'm living inside a giant clown's pocket.

Frasier: Daphne! As a subject of the British realm, does it make you feel uncomfortable to have your residence draped in the American flag? And if so, would you be willing to say that at a condo board meeting?
Daphne: Personally, I find it a cozy reminder of the land I dreamed of living in as a child.
Frasier: Off I go.

Daphne: Still awake, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Yes. It's almost dawn's early light, and our flag is still there.

Gertrude: A bit late at night for a single lady to be in a man's home, isn't it?
Daphne: I'm here because Simon's left. Off to California to do God knows what.
Gertrude: Oh. Well, that's courageous. Good to see him finally taking charge of his life.
Daphne: He's not taking charge. He left because he doesn't want to take care of you.
Gertrude: That is not so. Simon is a special boy, he wasn't meant to be kept at home. He has dreams. You wouldn't understand that.
Daphne: Now you listen to me, Mum. In case you haven't noticed, I've got dreams too. I even moved halfway across the world to make a life for myself. Do you admire that? No, you don't even acknowledge it. Oh, and by the way, I'm no virgin! Haven't been for years! You remember that boy with the lazy eye you hated so much? Yeah, he was my first! Did it right in the parlor where you take your tea. Then there was the German who fixed Dad's car. Oh yeah, and that Irish chap I fancied, who was twice my age and had his own van and a band. Then I came to America, shall I go on? Well, I am a grown woman who's made her own life and her own decisions. Now, I plan to shack up with Niles here, and damned if we aren't going to do it every night of the week. That's the way it's gonna be, Mum, and if you don't like it, that's just tough!

Frasier: All right, just- Just hold on a second! I feel I'm being hoodwinked. The only reason Cam hung that flag was to get the better of me. He knows I bought the apartment for its view.
Cam: No, you bought that apartment because you're free!
Albert: Maybe you could have a view from your balcony in Iraq.
Mrs. Richman: Yes, move to Iraq.
[The tenants start chanting "Move to Iraq"]
Frasier: No. Wait, wait, wait! I am just as much an American as every one of you. Perhaps Cam would just tell us how long he intends to display our beautiful flag?
Cam: Hmm. How about until there's world peace?
Albert: Oh, that's a good idea.
Frasier: Oh, come on! There's never going to be world peace.