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The Late Dr. Crane

‘The Late Dr. Crane’

Season 7, Episode 8 -  Aired November 18, 1999

When Frasier visits the emergency room with a minor injury, a man uses his name to jump the line and has a fatal heart attack. After the media reports that Frasier has died, he starts to take another look at his life.

Quote from Roz

Frasier: As it turns out, after I left the hospital some poor devil used my name to jump the line and he dropped dead of a heart attack. I must say, it does seem a bit strange having plunged all of Seattle, albeit temporarily, into so much grief.
Roz: I know I'll never forget where I was when I heard you had died. I was out on the street. There was this crowd watching a television through a department store window, and before I knew it, we were weeping and hugging each other.
Frasier: Very amusing, Roz!
Roz: And then it began to rain, and I had this feeling that all the angels were crying.
Frasier: Yes, all right, Roz!

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Quote from Daphne

Frasier: No, I'm serious, Daphne. I plan to go running just after I finish my obituary. [chuckles] You see, it's a self-actualizing exercise. You write your obituary the way you'd like it to appear - years from now, of course - and then it helps you to focus your goals. You see, here they are, all my hopes and dreams.
Daphne: These are dreams, all right. [laughs] "Dr. Crane came late to athletics, he became a fixture in the Seattle marathon, the America's Cup yacht race, as well as the Kentucky Derby." [laughs] A jockey at your size! You better start writing an obituary for the horse.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Yes, hello, this is Dr. Frasier Crane here. I was just wondering, I filled out my paperwork about half an hour ago.
Receptionist: They'll call you. We're seeing people in order of importance.
Frasier: Oh, really? Well, I do have my own radio show.
Receptionist: The importance of the injury.
Frasier: Yes, of course.

Quote from Frasier

Niles: Maris's plastic surgeon. Would you believe that charlatan is still picking my pocket a year after my divorce?
Frasier: Good Lord, for what?
Niles: Oh, for Maris's botox injections. They use those botulinum toxins and put in the forehead. It deadens the muscles and takes away the wrinkles. I gave it to her as a gift one year for our anniversary.
Frasier: Oh, yes, probably your tenth. That's toxins, isn't it?

Quote from Niles

Frasier: I see what you're doing, Niles. If you're so cold there's a scarf in the glove compartment.
Niles: Oh, really? I thought that's where you kept the butter and the eggs.

Quote from Martin

Martin: What's a botox injection?
Frasier: Oh, it's a cosmetic procedure they use to eliminate facial wrinkles.
Martin: Oh great, my kids are having plastic surgery. That's a nice age to get to.

Quote from Daphne

Martin: Oh, by the way. Guess who I ran into? That friend of yours from next door, Regan.
Frasier: Really?
Martin: Yeah. You know, she was pretty relieved to hear you weren't dead. You know, maybe there's still something going on there.
Frasier: Oh, I don't know, Dad. I'd like to believe that, but I'm just too much of a realist.
Daphne: Tell that the two million people a year who visit "Frasier Land." [laughs]
Frasier: It's a website. It teaches children about psychiatry.

Quote from Niles

Niles: I can't believe how cold it is in here.
Frasier: Niles, the climate control is on. It's perfectly comfortable.
Niles: Oh, really? Touch your tongue to the seat belt, I dare you.
Frasier: I'm starting to regret I even asked you to this exhibit. I wanted to invite Regan, but after the disaster I made of our first date I just felt too ashamed to even ask.
Niles: Well, you can't avoid her forever, she's your neighbor. Ask her again. What's the worst thing that can happen?
Frasier: She'd ask me to stop harassing her, which would mean I'd have to spend the next six months riding in the service elevator with Guillermo and his three-legged cat!
Niles: How is little Wobbles?

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Well, now it's burning up in here. I'm just gonna take this coat off.
Niles: Are you insane? At least wait until we've stopped...
Frasier: Take the wheel!
Niles: I'll take the wheel but... Frasier, stop. Stop!
Frasier: No, it's almost off.
Niles: No, I mean brake, brake!
[The car crashes and the air bags are deployed]
Niles: Are you all right?
Frasier: Yes. Thank heavens your fist softened the blow of the airbag.

Quote from Niles

Niles: I may just pay Dr. Karnofsky a visit.
Frasier: You know, it really is outrageous what these scalpel jockeys get away with. Convincing women like Maris to spend fortunes on their exterior, when frankly what they need is to take a good look at the woman inside.
Niles: Right. Well, she did have one chemical pill where you could see her kidneys for a while.

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