Best ‘Frasier’ Quotes Page 1 of 25    

Quote from Frasier in She's the Boss

Frasier: What the hell was that? Was that a gunshot?
Niles: Morning, Frasier. Just getting up?
Frasier: "Just getting up?" Are you out of your mind? A gun just went off in here!
Martin: Niles bought a starter's pistol.
Niles: And there's no need to get snippy. Accidents happen, you know.
Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry. Was I snippy? I didn't realize it was too much to ask that there not be gunplay in my living room!

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Quote from Frasier in The Good Son

Niles: Of course, I can't take care of him.
Frasier: Oh, yes, of course. Of course. Why?
Niles: Because Dad doesn't get along with Maris.
Frasier: Who does?
Niles: I thought you liked my Maris.
Frasier: I do. I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun, except without the warmth.

Quote from Martin in The Two Mrs. Cranes

Niles: So, now you've met the whole Crane clan.
Clive: Although, Daphne, I noticed in the phone book your surname still is Moon.
Niles: Oh, that must be an old book. Now she hyphenates. It's Moon-Crane.
Martin: I remember the first time I ever drove a moon crane. Damn near rolled it into the Sea of Tranquility.

Quote from Niles in To Tell the Truth

Niles: Well, that's it. It's over. It's over and I've lost. Maris has won. Maris always wins.
Martin: Niles.
Niles: Niles never wins! Niles always loses! That's why Niles lives at the Shangri-La and drives a hatchback!

Quote from Frasier in Frasier's Curse

Frasier: Just read it. Scott Alexander, what's he been up to?
Daphne: Wife, kids, has his own computer software business.
Frasier: Nancy Kearns.
Daphne: Mother of three, successful physician, has invented a drug that may aid in the treatment of cancer.
Frasier: Ah, a cure for cancer. Won't they be green with envy when I trump them all with this little story of my life: Frasier Crane, unattached, unemployed and living with his father. He spends his days scrubbing his oven and is anxiously awaiting his upcoming tooth cleaning!

Quote from Frasier in Murder Most Maris

Niles: Oh, well, I'm- I'm stunned of course. The idea that Maris actually killed someone.
Frasier: Well, we've all seen her murder many a lively dinner party.
Niles: Frasier!
Martin: That's terrible.
Frasier: Oh, come on, I'm joking. And haven't I earned the right to my gallows humor? After all, are you forgetting that just this afternoon I was punched in the face by a man now dead?

Quote from Frasier in You Can Go Home Again

Frasier: Are you trying to get transferred?
Roz: Look, Dr. Crane, I got to be honest with you here. It's just that I-I think psychiatry is, just, sort of, kind of ... bull.
Frasier: Oh, well, this is a match made in heaven then, isn't it?!
Roz: Oh, don't be offended.
Frasier: "Don't be offended." Why should I be offended? In the last week, I've uprooted myself from my home of fifteen years, moved all the way across the country away from everything I care about, and plunged myself into a frightening new career. The first few nerve-wracking moments, I walk in here and find my producer lobbying to get herself transferred to another show. Abe Lincoln had a brighter future when he picked up his tickets at the box office!

Quote from Frasier in She's the Boss

Martin: Look at him, he's humiliated!
[A dog barks from the apartment above]
Daphne: Yeah, well, it doesn't help that that bully upstairs keeps rubbing it in.
[Eddie barks towards the ceiling]
Martin: You tell him, boy!
[Frasier emerges from his bedroom in his dressing gown]
Frasier: Oh, for God's sake, I am trying to get some sleep. I asked you to keep that dog quiet, and instead you outfit him with a megaphone!

Quote from Frasier in Don Juan in Hell (Part 2)

Frasier: So that's it? All this work, just to find out that I have a fear of rejection?
Lilith: That's right.
Frasier: So I'm alone... because I'm afraid to be alone?!

Quote from Frasier in We Two Kings

Niles: Why do you have to make everything so difficult?
Frasier: Excuse me, Niles, but I’ve got news for you. Copernicus called, and you are not the center of the universe!

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