Frasier: What's going on, anyway? My God, I've got an appointment in twenty minutes.
Bulldog: Ah, some weenie made a big stink so they've gotta clean the milk steamer every time they use it.
Frasier: Oh.
Bulldog: Is was you, wasn't it?
Frasier: Well, if requesting basic sanitary procedures makes me a weenie, then a weenie be I.

Frasier: Oh, I've been driving around, thinking. I can't seem to get this Bulldog thing off my mind.
Martin: Well, don't worry about it. We all get obsessed sometimes. The important thing is to drop it before you start yakking on and on to someone who doesn't give a rat's ass.
Frasier: Is that your roundabout way of saying you don't want to discuss it?
Martin: You wanna take the direct route?

Frasier: Dad, not bad, either.
Martin: Yeah, thanks. Although I guess any guy looks good in a monkey suit.
Daphne: On the drive over I started musing about why they call it a monkey suit. I had quite a few theories on that one.
Martin: Oh, she sure did. [whispering to Frasier] Can I get a ride home with you?

Roz: [noticing the long line in Cafe Nervosa] Oh, God, Frasier, what stupid suggestion did you make this time?
Frasier: Nice to see you, too, Roz.

Roz: Sorry. I just spent two hours trying on jumbo formal wear for the SeaBea awards. The best part was when the size two sales girl said I could use this again after my pregnancy.
Frasier: Well, perhaps you could. Cut off the bow, remove the sleeves, and, uh...
Bulldog: Stick a pole in it and go camping.

Frasier: I, for one, am looking forward to the SeaBeas.
Bulldog: Why? You're not gonna win. They never give it to the emcee. Now me? I'm a lock.
Frasier: Well, you're awfully cocky.
Bulldog: Hey, if knowing I'm the best thing on the air makes me cocky, then cocky be I.
Frasier: Ugh.
Bulldog: See? You're not the only one who can talk classy.

Niles: Excuse me, would you hold that, please?
Frasier: Niles.
Niles: Frasier, I was just on my way up to see you.
Frasier: [seeing Niles' paperboy hat] Niles, what have we determined about your success with impulse purchases?
Niles: Really? The salesman thought I could pull it off.
Frasier: My suggestion exactly.

Frasier: That's not how it happened at all. Why would he say such a thing?
Niles: Well, it was drizzling today, and people act strangely when it rains, as I pointed out in my SeaBea-nominated-
Frasier: Shut up, Niles.

Daphne: I wonder how much that would be, a lifetime supply of muffins?
Frasier: I'm certainly not going to let Bulldog get away with this.
Daphne: I don't think I've ever seen Bulldog eat a muffin. A lifetime supply would be wasted on him.
Frasier: I'm going to tell him I saw exactly what happened.
Daphne: Now me, I could eat a muffin a day. Some days even two knowing they'd be free. So that's maybe ... ten a week, fifty-two weeks a year, for at least another forty years, which works out to.... Twenty thousand muffins. My life suddenly seems long, measured in muffins.
Frasier: Oh, Daphne. There are a lot of things that can make life suddenly seem long.

Frasier: Just drop it. I saw what you did yesterday.
Bulldog: Yeah, I saved your butt.
Frasier: Saved my butt, my ass! You pulled Roz in front of you to protect yourself. Everything else that happened was simply by accident.
Bulldog: That stinks! That is total B.S.! I'm a hero! I'm a brave, brave man! Aw, Jeez, you're not gonna tell, are you?
Frasier: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't.
Bulldog: You like muffins?
Frasier: You know what, I was determined to expose you, but it suddenly occurs to me I don't have to. You'll do it yourself. And you know why? Because a guilty conscience needs no accuser.
Bulldog: That means you won't tell?
Frasier: Once again, I don't have to, because a guilty conscience sleeps in thunder. [Bulldog looks blankly at Frasier] It means I won't tell.