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The Seal Who Came to Dinner

‘The Seal Who Came to Dinner’

Season 6, Episode 8 - Aired November 19, 1998

When Niles has to host a dinner party to win an award, a minor problem in Frasier's apartment leads him to hold the event at Maris's beach house.

Quote from Niles

Niles: Let's get some lights on. [claps]
Frasier: Good Lord, what the hell is that?
Niles: Maris had it made after she lost power in a storm. Battery operated, works on a clapper so you can find it in the dark. Only problem was, the poor thing, try as she might, could never clap hard enough to activate it.


Quote from Niles

Frasier: Oh, hello, Niles.
Niles: If my life gets any worse, I'm phoning Hell to ask about their exchange program.

Quote from Daphne

Daphne: You dirty old man. Flirting with a girl her age.
Martin: Well, she was flirting right back. I saw her giving me the once-over.
Daphne: Yeah, she looked once and it was over.

Quote from Niles

Niles: Dear God, what's that?
Frasier: It's a small crack, a little bird flew into it the other day. I'm replacing the pane next week.
Niles: Next week?
Frasier: Yes.
Niles: Well, that's too late.
Frasier: It's just a piece of tape. No one will even notice.
Niles: You have no idea how cutthroat my rivals are. They will leap on the tiniest imperfection. Last night, Sebastian Melmoth threw a lavish Japanese banquet. A certain rival spent the entire evening carping about how the obis on the geishas' kimonos were improperly tied.
Frasier: "A certain rival?"
Niles: All right, me.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: I hope you're right about the alarm code, Niles. People do change them.
Niles: Maris will never change this one. It's her ideal weight. What she weighed at her debutante ball. Let's see, this many pounds, and that many ounces.
Frasier: Good lord, no one could weigh that and live.

Quote from Niles

Niles: Well, I'll just have to have the party somewhere else.
Frasier: But Niles, you promised you'd have it here. You promised me Claudia Kynock.
Martin: Nobody's gonna notice that window, and besides, who else is gonna loan you their place? It's not like you can ask Maris.
Niles: I don't have to ask her. She's out of the country. She's in Antwerp having her elbows done.

Quote from Niles

Frasier: So, Niles, Maris at it again?
Niles: Oh, worse. It's so depressing I can barely talk about it. My gourmet club is holding elections to see who will win this year's Golden Apron.
Roz: Wait. I can see I'm gonna need a hanky for this.
Niles: [to waiter] Latte, please, to go. Normally, the finalists compete by giving lectures. I'd written mine, a waggish look at food fads of yesteryear entitled "Fondue: What Were We Thinking?" Suddenly last night, disaster. Someone proposed that instead of giving lectures, this year's finalists compete by hosting dinner parties in their homes.
Roz: So? Why don't you invite 'em all over and cook 'em a meal?
Niles: At the Shangri-La? I can't tell the cream of Seattle's gourmet set that I've moved out of the Montana and into that gulag with a game room.

Quote from Roz

Roz: Do you call that a problem? A problem is when your kid keeps you up three nights in a row with colic, and you're so burned out you rear-end a Lexus, with four passengers, each and every one a lawyer, so you'll probably be sued and spend the rest of your working life, if you ever even get a job, lining the pockets of four blood-sucking, whiplash-faking fat cats. That's what a problem is.

Quote from Niles

Niles: Well, don't blame yourself. Blame Claudia Kynock, the whole dinner scheme was her greedy notion.
Frasier: Claudia Kynock? Kevin's widow?
Niles: Can you believe it? She owns six newspapers and nine radio stations, she'll still cadge a free meal faster than that bulbous cartoon fellow who mooches hamburgers from Popeye. I know I must sound...
Frasier: Wimpy.
Niles: And whiny too.

Quote from Niles

Niles: But I wanted this. And after the year I've been through, I needed something to restore my pride, my dignity, my manhood. That Golden Apron could do it.

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