‘They're Playing Our Song’
Season 7, Episode 13 - Aired January 13, 2000
When the station owner wants each show to have its own theme tune, Frasier goes to extremes to compose his magnum opus.
Quote from Frasier
Niles: Do we really have to use so many musicians?
Frasier: For the sound I want, yes.
Niles: Whatever happened to the concept of "less is more"?
Frasier: Ah. But if less is more, then just think how much more "more" will be.
Quote from Niles
Niles: Who dares enter the dark labyrinth of the human mind? What festering secrets are buried in the recesses of the subconscious? Lurid images! Lewd desires! Guilty pleasures! Strange compulsions! The whole catalog of human behavior from the aberrant to the monstrous lurks behind a locked door to which one man holds the key!
Quote from Frasier
Soloist #1: So if you are stymied to find a prognosis
Soloist #2: And ask yourself, just like Freud:
Soloist #3: "Himmel, vas los ist?"
Soloist #1: Stop scratching your head, let us cure it instead
All: On our show! On our show! Now here is the man to explain The tortured terrain of your brain The man who feels everyone's pain... Dr. Crane! Dr. Crane! Frasier Crane!
Quote from Niles
Martin: Didn't you write some kind of musical back in prep school?
Frasier: Yes, I did, Dad. Niles was in it. You know, the whole school came out humming my opening anthem.
Niles: They went in humming it. It was Beethoven's Ninth Symphony note for note.
Frasier: It was not.
Niles: It absolutely was.
Frasier: It was not at all.
Niles: [singing to the tune of the "Ode to Joy"] We are valiant men of honor, Wenching, brawling sons of...
Frasier: Well, all right, all right. Well, I suppose I may have borrowed a note or two as a launching pad.
Niles: [singing] Prancing, leaping, laughing...
Frasier: All right, point taken.
Niles: [singing] Over hill and...
Frasier: Stop it!
Quote from Frasier
[As the orchestra plays, the soloists sing:]
Soloist #1: Who can you turn to for prompt diagnosis?
Soloist #2: A fetish or fantasy
Soloist #3 Sex or psychosis
Soloist #1: No problem at all, let us handle your call
All: On our show! On our show!
Soloist #2: Bring us your traumas, your latent neurosis
Soloist #1: Erectile dysfunction
Soloist #3: Bed-wetting narcosis
Soloist #1: There's no need for shame, you can use a false name
All: On our show! On our show!
Quote from Martin
Martin: Hey, hey, Fras. I just got an idea for your little jingle. It came to me while I was brushing my teeth. [singing:]
What's new? I'm listenin' Feelin' blue? I'm listenin'-
Cause, you know, that's what you say on your show.
[singing:]
Feelin' sad, feelin' mad, feelin' glad, feelin' bad I'm listenin'.
Daphne: [clapping] Bravo! That's wonderful.
Martin: Well, thanks. You know, it's catchy. That's what counts in a jingle.
Quote from Martin
Frasier: The truth is, Dad, I'm.. I'm not sure I can do simple.
Martin: Well, I don't know if you can't or if you just don't want to. And you know, some of the best things in the world are simple, Fras. Just like that art gallery you took me to a couple of months ago. Do you remember? You were oohing and ahhing over this painting of a big red dot.
Frasier: Yeah, Dad, but there is a difference between simple and deceptively simple.
Martin: Well, all I'm saying is that it's fine to be smart, but you shouldn't have to be proving it all the time. That's all.
Quote from Gil
Gil: But then, a composer friend of mine came up with this little ditty for me: [singing:]
Whether choosing a wine
Or the best place to dine
It's all a matter of taste [Yes, sir!]
It's all a matter of taste!
Kenny: Great, huh?
Gil: And the nicest thing is, he didn't take a penny for it.
Frasier: Well, at least he has a conscience.
Quote from Gil
Gil: Frasier, I'm here to give you an advance tip.
Frasier: Really?
Roz: Hey, Gil.
Gil: Roz. I'm about to review a divine new Italian trattoria I've discovered called "Bella, Bella."
Frasier: Ah.
Gil: I'm alerting you now because once I review it, reservations will be impossible to come by.
Frasier: Well, thank you, Gil, it's always gratifying to be a few minutes ahead of a trend.
Gil: They make an osso buco that's so divine I call it the veal shank redemption.
Quote from Frasier
Kenny: Well, Mrs. Delafield's been hounding me on this. She really thinks each show having a theme song will help hook the listeners. Gil's got his.
Gil: My first choice was "Food, Glorious Food" from the show Oliver!
Frasier: Ooh, that's a perfect match. Haute cuisine and a chorus of starving orphans.