Frasier: Whatever you do, don't get specific about the play. That's the mistake you made last year when you lied about having seen "The Silent Echo." All that yammering on about how the play had third act problems. It fooled no one.
Niles: What makes you so sure?
Frasier: Well, for starters, "The Silent Echo" doesn't have a third act.

Daphne: Don't crinkle it, I want to send it home to my family.
Martin: You sure about that?
Daphne: Oh, don't be such an old fogey. So I'm bending down and me knickers are showing a bit, but my family'll still be proud as peacocks when they see that: "Daphne Moon's Seattle".
Frasier: She certainly does.

Frasier: Niles, what are you doing?
Niles: I'm practicing. I haven't held a cigarette since I played Duke Mantee in our junior high production of "The Petrified Forest."
Frasier: Yes, I remember watching you from the petrified audience.

Frasier: Oh, Dad. That review you were reading yesterday, "Tears of the Mariner." Do you remember it?
Martin: Kinda.
Frasier: Just concentrate. What was the play about?
Martin: Well, let me see. Uh, it started out with this old guy who was gutting a fish.
Frasier: Okay. Well, good, good.
Martin: And then he gives this fish to his son, but his son rejects it.
Frasier: Good. Good, then what?
Martin: Uh... Oh, yeah. Well, then it turns that out he's got this fatal disease, and the next thing you know, he's in this big stadium. And he's telling everyone that even though he's dying, that today, he considers himself the luckiest-
Frasier: Dad! That is "Pride of the Yankees"!
Martin: Oh, yeah, that's right. I'm sorry, I'm sorry about that. But I'm pretty sure that fish part was right.

Trevor: So, tell me, as students of the human psyche, did my character ring true?
Frasier: Oh, oh yes. So true.
Niles: I can honestly say I never saw a false moment.
Trevor: But, what about the third act? The play clearly has a third act problem.
Niles: Well, at least it has a third act, unlike "The Silent Echo" which really could have used one.

Martin: "Tears of the Mariner"? You know, I think I read a review of that. Thought it was one of those baseball stories like "Pride of the Yankees", you know? But it's just about some crabby old sailor, stuck in this little town...
Frasier: No, no, Dad, please. I have carefully avoided all the reviews of this play. I don't want to hear about it before I see it.
Martin: Well, I don't want to hear about it after you see it.

Daphne: I was in the park yesterday, and this photographer snapped my picture for the "It's Your Seattle" column. The one where they show some average person out and about, then use their name on the column. For instance, if they used a picture of Mr. Crane, the caption would read "Martin Crane's Seattle." Or if they took one of you it would say "Frasier Crane's Se-"
Frasier: Yes, we get it.

Frasier: Niles, will you just stop it? The dinner was just fine.
Niles: It was not fine. I made those reservations weeks ago. They seated us so close to the kitchen I'm surprised they didn't make us wear hair nets.

Niles: It's not a mix-up. It's part of an alarming trend I've noticed ever since Maris and I parted company.
Frasier: Oh, Niles.
Niles: Last week, Roberta Phipps snubbed me at the opera. I wasn't even invited to that gala fundrasier for St. Andrew's Orphanage.
Frasier: You can still send money to the children.
Niles: As usual, you've missed the point.

Frasier: Niles, please, just relax. One way or another, we are going to get tickets to this play.
Martin: You two still going on about those tickets? If this play is any good at all, in a couple of years they'll do it down at the dinner theater and you can get a nice prime rib with it.