Niles: Well, I took to heart Daphne's suggestion the other day about a need for companionship since my separation from Maris, so I went out and got a new lady in my life. I can't explain it. I'm not a dog person, but there's something about this particular breed that I find comforting and familiar. It's mystifying, isn't it?
Frasier: Mmm, baffling.
Niles: I-I happened into my local pet shop. I had no intention of buying anything, I was merely browsing, and they showed me some overly demonstrative puppies. Then I heard a haughty little sniff from a cage in the corner, and there she was! Sit, Girl, sit! [Girl doesn't move] Okay. She's, uh, she's a bit high strung, but, uh, she's terribly well-bred. When I tried to pet her, she'd have none of it.
Frasier: Well, I'm surprised she wasn't snapped up before you got there.
Niles: Yes, well. You know, the man at the pet store said it's because people are reluctant to take responsibility for her nerve medicine. No, not on the couch. Off, off! [Girl doesn't move] Okay.

Frasier: Would you like to try a game, Niles?
Niles: Oh, I think not. It'll make me too melancholy.
Frasier: Well, all right.
Niles: Maris and I used to play chess every Thursday night. Oh, how she loved the game.
Frasier: No wonder. The king is stationary while the queen has all the power.

Martin: What the hell is that?
Niles: It's my dog, my new best friend.
Frasier: Yes, Niles saw her in the pet store and had this inexplicable attraction.
Martin: You can see her ribs.
Frasier: Hint number one.

Frasier: Are your eyes closed?
Niles: What is it?
Frasier: It's something my antiques scout found for me. Voila! Paris, 1882! Designed by Jean-Francois Blon, while attending L'Ecole des Beaux Arts!
Niles: Mon Dieu! It's absolutely breathtaking! I'm breathless! [gasping] I need to take a breath.

Daphne: How are you getting along, Dr. Crane?
Niles: Oh, all right, I guess.
Daphne: Feeling a bit lonely, are we?
Niles: Only some times when I'm by myself, or other times when I'm with other people.

Frasier: Oh, hi, Dad. Did you see my new chess set?
Martin: Oh yeah, it's nice.
Frasier: "Nice?" Well, the inlay was made from the same travertine marble they used at the Emperor Hadrian's palace outside Tivoli!
Martin: Really? Well, I'm gonna celebrate with a beverage brewed from the crystal-clear waters of the majestic Colorado Rockies.

Martin: Boy, I really clobbered you though, didn't I? I got almost all of your prawns.
Frasier: Pawns, Dad.
Martin: I think the turning point was when I got that tower-thingy.
Frasier: Yes, it's called a rook.
Martin: But the real knockout blow was when I backed your little horsey-guy into the corner.
Frasier: Can we call it a night, Dad?
Martin: Okay, when I cornered your knight.
Frasier: No. I mean, can we call it a night?

Frasier: Well, he's still beating me. I tell you, Niles, I just can't figure it out. I am the superior player.
Niles: There's a saying: "In every boy's life, the moment of greatest joy and greatest sorrow is when he defeats his father for the first time."
Frasier: If you're suggesting that I'm afraid to beat Dad, you can just stop right there.
Niles: The other option is, he's better than you.
Frasier: You were saying?

Niles: Sooner or later, the son eclipses the father. It's the natural order. Yet, it's frequently a stumbling block because the son's competitive stirrings are accompanied by tremendous feelings of guilt.
Frasier: I see. Yes, it's the classic Oedipal conflict. It seems so obvious now. I've been letting him win. Niles, thank you. Thank you very much. I can't tell you what a relief this is. I feel like a weight has been lifted. Nothing can hold me back now. Tonight, I topple the king!
Niles: Of course, you realize by dethroning Dad, you're next in line to be dethroned by Frederick. And then the only thing left after that is death. But that's another day and another cup of coffee.

Daphne: It may not be my place to suggest this, but perhaps all you need is a little company at the apartment - something warm and friendly to come home?
Niles: Well, I'm sure Dad would miss you.
Daphne: [laughs and bats his arm] Oh, Dr. Crane.
Niles: [laughs and bats himself] Oh, me.