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A Mid-Winter Night's Dream

‘A Mid-Winter Night's Dream’

Season 1, Episode 17 -  Aired February 10, 1994

After Niles' attempt to spice up his relationship with Maris doesn't go to plan, Daphne offers to help him cook a romantic meal to win back his wife. When a thunderstorm traps Daphne at the mansion alone with Niles, Frasier rushes to stop them doing something they'll regret.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: My God, it's a recipe for disaster! You've got a vulnerable woman and an unstable man in a Gothic mansion on a rainy night! The only thing missing is someone shouting "Heathcliff!" across the moors!

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Quote from Frasier

Daphne: Now, what do you think Mrs. Crane would like for dinner?
Niles: Oh, you have free reign. Just bear in mind she can't have shellfish, poultry, red meat, saturated fats, nitrates, wheat, starch, sulphites, MSG or dairy. Did I say nuts?
Frasier: Oh, I think that's implied!

Quote from Daphne

Frasier: STOP! STOP!
Niles: Frasier!
Frasier: My God, have you two gone mad?! You'll regret this for the rest of your lives!
Niles: What are you talking about?
Frasier: Well, the two of you here alone, the fire, the candlelight, the nightie!
Daphne: [laughing:] Dr. Crane, you didn't think that Dr. Crane and I were... [shocked:] Dr. Crane! You have some nerve to imply that your brother would do anything so deplorable! Why, just moments ago he made a beautiful speech about how much he loves his wife, how he cherishes her excruciating little face, and how they laugh at white people. ... That didn't sound right.
Niles: Close enough.

Quote from Niles

Niles: Double Cappuccino, half-caf, not-fat milk, with just enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing but not so much that it leaves a mustache.
Waiter: Cinnamon or chocolate on that?
Niles: Oh, they make this so complicated. Um, cinnamon.

Quote from Niles

Daphne: I suppose I just fall in love too fast. The minute I feel that spark, I just give my heart away.
Niles: Daphne, you must stop being so hard on yourself. What you see as a fault is also your greatest gift - to be so open, warm and loving.
Daphne: You're so kind, Dr. Crane. I'm glad we ended up like this tonight.
Niles: So am I.
Daphne: It's just so nice to be with a man you feel so comfortable with. I feel very close to you.
Niles: I feel very close to you too, Daphne. You know it's easy being someone you feel close to, when you feel close to someone who's ... so close. [Niles leans over Daphne]
[Music starts playing]
Daphne: Dr. Crane, your Glockenspiel has sprung to life!
Niles: ... Oh, the clock!

Quote from Martin

Martin: Oh, come on, Niles, everybody has an embarrassing story to tell. Did I ever tell you about the time I got locked outside in the backyard in my underwear?
Niles: Only every Thanksgiving.
Martin: Well, don't worry, I won't be telling that story this year!

Quote from Niles

Waiter: Most people find that blend too intense.
Daphne: Not me, I like something that holds its body on my tongue.
[Niles knocks over the cream]

Quote from Niles

Niles: Frasier, that man is hitting on our Daphne. I don't know how she stands it.
Frasier: Niles, look. Apropos of nothing, how are things between you and Maris?
Niles: Are you implying that my concern for Daphne's welfare is anything less than pure?
Frasier: I don't know, you tell me.
Niles: Frasier, that is your great shortcoming. You're always distrustful, you're always suspicious. Sometimes you just have to have faith that people are all right- What's he doing now?
Frasier: I believe he's bagging her beans.
Niles: Oh!

Quote from Roz

Frasier: But actually, Roz, there's some advice I need.
Roz: About what?
Frasier: A subject in which you're quite well-versed, sex.
Roz: How can I help you?
Frasier: What do you do when- when the romance goes out of a relationship?
Roz: I get dressed and go home.

Quote from Niles

Frasier: Niles!
Niles: I'm sorry, Frasier, but something horrible has happened. Maris kicked me out.
Frasier: Dear God, why? What for?
[Niles takes off his raincoat to reveal a pirate costume]
Frasier: Oh, my.
Martin: What's going on out there? Niles?
Niles: Hello, dad.
Martin: [staring at Niles] Never mind, I don't want to know.
Niles: No, Dad, wait. There's a perfectly reasonably explanation for the way I'm dressed.
Frasier: All right, but just keep in mind that I reserve the right to say "stop" at any time.
Niles: Well, my plan was to leave a treasure map downstairs for Maris with clues that would lead her to my whereabouts. Then I'd hide in the linen closet and wait for her to find me.
Martin: Dressed like that?
Niles: Actually, no, at the time I was wearing only my eye-patch. Although, technically is it still an eye-patch if you're wearing it on your-?
Frasier: Stop!

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